Author: Jodie

You Must Not Covet

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Romans 7:7-25

7 Well then, am I suggesting that the law of God is sinful? Of course not! In fact, it was the law that showed me my sin. I would never have known that coveting is wrong if the law had not said, “You must not covet.”[a] 8 But sin used this command to arouse all kinds of covetous desires within me! If there were no law, sin would not have that power. 9 At one time I lived without understanding the law. But when I learned the command not to covet, for instance, the power of sin came to life, 10 and I died. So I discovered that the law’s commands, which were supposed to bring life, brought spiritual death instead. 11 Sin took advantage of those commands and deceived me; it used the commands to kill me. 12 But still, the law itself is holy, and its commands are holy and right and good.

13 But how can that be? Did the law, which is good, cause my death? Of course not! Sin used what was good to bring about my condemnation to death. So we can see how terrible sin really is. It uses God’s good commands for its own evil purposes.

14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[b] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[c] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

To covet means to wish for something earnestly, to desire inordinately (with no reasonable limits, excessive). To want is not a bad thing, but when it creates a desperate desire in us to do whatever it takes to get what we want, then we cross the line into sin.

I’ve been known to jokingly say “I will not covet, I will not covet…” when visiting other peoples homes who have things on my dream list: a farm, a 5 bedroom house with a basement, huge kitchen, open family room, office, ministry room, screened in porch, a river/bold creek that runs through the yard, etc. etc. etc. In essence, I am trying to convince myself to not cross that line! From past experience, I know that when I see something I want (these are all wants, mind you, not needs) my mind will begin going down that road of “why can’t I have this?” If ignored, a want can quickly turn into desire, then coveting. Left unchecked, coveting will breed an ungrateful heart towards God because I am convinced (by the enemy) that He is failing to give me what I think I need.

Coveting, however is not just exclusive to material things. It can also greatly affect our relationships. Usually, it begins with a subtle thought:

“I wish my husband did all the chores around the house like her husband does.”

“I wish our kids behaved like the Duggars- they’re perfect!”

“I wish our family could be involved in every homeschool co-op and field trip like that family (meaning= I wish we had more $ so we could do everything I want)”

“I wish our church had more music during the worship service, or kids activities, outreaches, healing services, bible studies— fill in the blank, like so and so’s church.”

“I wish our ministry made as much money as that persons so we could do it full time.”

“WAAAA, WAAAA, WAAAAAA!”

1 Timothy 6:6-8

6 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. 7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.

Having lived through a season of unemployment with a family of 6 to sustain, I now understand the truth of this verse. All of the wants on my dream list paled in comparison to our needs for that year. Amazingly, God not only provided those (food and clothing)- He also supplied our wants for a home, electricity, water, sewer, gas, homeschool books, phones AND Netflix! Still, Gods miraculous provision during our time in the wilderness unfortunately didn’t make me immune to coveting. Hence, the reason why He highlighted these verses to me this morning. After a night of grumbling and complaining about some of the above mentioned, His word lovingly convicted me of my sin, re-focused my heart towards Him, and brought me back over to His side of the line where I belong.

Luke 12:24

24 Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds!

Thank you, Father for loving me and valuing me above all of your creation.

Thank you for giving me a husband who is a man after your own heart.

Thank you for giving me 4 precious children who desire to know you.

Thank you for equipping me to train and teach our children at home- and giving us the opportunity to go on several field trips each year.

Thank you for giving us a home, cars, furniture, electronics, kitchen gadgets…

Thank you for giving us a church family who loves, encourages and rebukes us, when needed.

Thank you for allowing us to share our life story with other married couples- and witness your amazing love radically transform the broken lives of your children.

You are a good God.

You are Jehovah- Jireh.

You are all that I need.

A Great Mystery

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Genesis 2:24 New King James Version (NKJV)

 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:31-33 New Living Translation (NLT)

 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”[a] 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

ONE Flesh.

It is indeed a great mystery! After being married for more than 17 years, I am still looking for clues to unlock it. Here are just a few of the ones I’ve uncovered in my search through the scriptures:

Clue #1: The order of creation

Man was created on the 6th day by God, for God. He was designed to be in constant relationship with his Creator. Still, it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so God made him a helper suitable for him; woman. Woman was also designed to be in constant relationship with her Creator, and to, well …. help her husband care for all that God had created! By the order of creation, man was crafted to be the leader of the marriage- and the family, and his wife was to support him in his endeavors. Our order is the same today: God, spouse, children…then everyone else.

Clue #2: Leave & Cleave

When a man leaves his father and mothers home he is establishing a new family in which he (as stated in clue #1) is designed to lead. He is no longer under his mother and fathers authority. He is no longer commanded to obey them- but to honor them. A woman, however, moves her submission from her parents, to her husband. She too is no longer commanded to obey her parents- but to honor them.

If the husband fails to “cut the apron strings” from his parents and lovingly lead his wife, she will not respect him, and oneness will be impossible. Likewise, if a woman doesn’t respect her husband by no longer running and crying to her mama and daddy every time there’s an “issue,” her husband will not feel inclined to sacrificially love her.

Clue #3: No Shame

Genesis 2:25 New Living Translation (NLT)

25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Since no one is without sin, no one is immune to the devastation that shame brings to a relationship. When a man and woman marry, they bring all their hidden sins with them. Left ignored, the shame that will fester over them like a tough scab will steal the couples physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy. Fear of rejection, humiliation, judgement, blame, etc. slowly destroys and kills the bond between them. When past and present sins are exposed to the light of God, He removes the scab of shame and heals the wound completely. Only when a husband and wife are both willing to be treated by the Great Physician can the relationship be restored and the 2 become 1.

I have to be honest…..these 3 clues have been some of the most difficult for me to apply to my life. But when the Holy Spirit uncovered these truths and I finally chose to submit to Him, my life- and my marriage began to be restored and redeemed. And let me tell you, once you are able, through the Lord’s help to solve a piece of the mystery and become ONE with your spouse, you never, ever, ever want to live any other way.

Becoming ONE Flesh with my man has without a doubt been the greatest expression of worship in my life to date.

 

‘I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.  A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands on it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic.  He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order.  It is a mistake to think that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent.  Depend upon it – there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before.  It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.’ 

Sherlock Holmes

-A Study in Scarlet

Exposed

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

John 3:16-21 New Living Translation (NLT)

16 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

18 “There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. 19 And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. 20 All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.[a]”

This morning, as I was complaining (out loud) about an “issue” in the house, my husband gently deflated my rising frustration by whispering, “there’s probably a lesson, or blog somewhere in this….”

I quickly responded, “NO- I don’t think so! (silence) “yeah….you’re probably right.”

About a week ago, my keen sense of smell alerted me to something amiss in the house. As I went from room to room, sniffing like a bloodhound, I discovered the location of the stench: our son’s bedroom. As I got down on all 4’s for a closer inspection, I quickly deciphered the odor on the rug: non-human pee.

How had I not seen it before?

How had I not felt it before?

How had I not smelled it before?

It was hidden in plain sight.

I was completely unaware of its existence.

I grabbed the spray bottle of vinegar and a rag and began grumbling and scrubbing it out with a bit of elbow grease.

A few days later, after the hot August sun had been shining through the windows, the light and heat re-ignited the odor. Upon closer inspection (this time I flipped the rug over) I realized that there was not 1, but 2 large pee stains on the rug! The kids and I then drug the 8×8 carpet outside to be steamed cleaned with a deodorizer. We left it on the driveway to dry overnight to ensure that the odor- and stain were completely eradicated.

This morning, to my horror, when I walked back into our son’s room, it still smelled like pee. The urine had seeped all the way through the rug and into the hardwood floors!!!

(it was in this moment when my husband intervened…..and offered me the opportunity for another life lesson)

What in the world could I learn from a pee stained rug?

Plenty.

You see, the enemy uses the same hidden in plain sight tactic with us. When we sin, he is allowed a foothold and his presence stains and stinks up our lives. Even though we may be completely unaware of their existence, those sins can seep down deep into our soul, affecting not only our life, but also those around us.

In order to expose the darkness in our heart, we must:

a)    be in constant relationship with the Lord and regularly ask Him to reveal areas of sin in our lives (often times a stench is a good indicator of a problem!)

b)   have godly friends (I’m not talking about those “friends” that we have superficial “it’s all good” conversations with…I’m talking about iron sharpens iron friends) that will rebuke us, in love, by helping to flip over the rug to reveal the stain underneath.

After those areas are exposed to the light, we can either:

a)    choose to fix them ourselves (like I did when I tried to scrub those deeply embedded stains out of the rug, by hand, with just a rag and some vinegar)

b)   repent, seek God’s forgiveness and be cleansed (the Holy Spirit uses a fabulous steam cleaner with odor eliminating detergent!)

Father,

Thank you for loving me so much that you sent your son to die for me, so that I may spend eternity with you. Thank you for shining your light on the dark places of my soul, so that they can be exposed, eliminated and cleansed.

Amen

Order

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

1 Corinthians 14:33 New Living Translation (NLT)

33 For God is not a God of disorder but of peace, as in all the meetings of God’s holy people.

Spend any amount of time in our home and you’ll quickly see that the Bullard Pack lives in an orderly and organized environment (at least…most of the time!). From the time I was a little girl, I would frequently re-arrange my bedroom so that all of my belongings would stay organized in such a way that they could be easily accessed and used for their intended purpose. 30+ years later, I’m still doing the same thing. Except, now, I have 5 bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a school room & a ministry room to keep in order!

Over the years I have been praised for this gift and openly criticized for being too structured and rigid. Others comments have sometimes served to inflate my pride or make me feel ashamed, wanting to be different. But, when I look to God- not others, for my identity and the way He’s gifted me, I am able to use my abilities to worship Him and serve those whom I am called to love. Through studying God’s word, I’ve also seen that this gift is a reflection of Him, because He is a God of order!

When I discovered that a structured environment and strict routine was extremely helpful for our daughter, who was diagnosed with Autism, I knew that God made no mistake in choosing me to be her mother! I spent hours upon hours arranging her clothes, toys, chore cards, school, snack and meal schedule and extra-cirricular activities to help her be able to focus and be more productive (it also greatly reduced the amount of melt downs and violent outbursts of anger towards others that she randomly had). What I didn’t realize at the time was that the order and organization in our home would also greatly benefit me, Doug and our other 3 children. Years later, as I continue to re-arrange and discover new ways to bring order to our home I have discovered that we tend to function at our best when we have the following tools in place:

-a list of family “rules” (and consequences for disobedience)

-a family, school & ministry calendar

-a cirriculum, “recess,” snack, meal, electronics & bedtime schedule (specific for each child)

Using these tools has helped our children understand our expectations and be able to prepare themselves for what the family is doing or where we are going. Now, I realize that we can’t plan and organize for everything in life…we must be flexible enough to follow the voice of the Holy Spirit when He prompts us to move outside our box, but…when we know the direction we’re heading and what is required of us to get there, we can have peace on the journey.

Yesterday, I was somewhat shocked to hear our teenager (yes, our TEENager!) say she was ready to get back to our school schedule. Why?!? Because, after a few weeks of summer vacation with no schedule and freedom to do what they wanted, when they wanted, she discovered that freedom without boundaries isn’t really freedom. In fact, as I have slacked off on enforcing the “rules” (& consequences for breaking them), they’ve had more bad attitudes, sibling rivalries and episodes of disobedience.

What that makes me realize is our children thrive when they:

1)    know the “rules” & understand the consequences for disobedience (& are disciplined accordingly, when they break them)

2)   know their purpose and the purpose of our family (which is reflected in our schedules)

Conversely, when they are “free” to do whatever they feel like, chaos erupts.

Its not much different than the children of Israel. After years of whining, complaining, wandering in the wilderness and just doing stupid stuff, God intervened and gave them the 10 commandments.

God didn’t give them this list of “rules” to follow because He wanted to be a harsh taskmaster like Pharaoh. He gave them to His children out of love, so they would know how to be able to live a life of FREEDOM.

Have you ever paid attention to the order of the 10 commandments?

1st, God told His children how to love Him (explained in 1, 2, 3, 4).

2nd, God told His children how to love others (explained in 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10). When asked which of the commandments was the greatest, Jesus confirmed the order:

Luke 10:27 New Living Translation (NLT)

…. “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

When we spend our days loving ourselves and refusing to follow God’s “rules,” we end up running amok through the wilderness, engaging in all kinds of stupidity, and living a life enslaved to chaos. But, when we love and submit ourselves to the Father and the order He has given us, we are FREE to live happily within the confines of His “rules” and we can have LIFE….to the full!

Properly Dressed

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Matthew 22:1-14 New Living Translation (NLT)

Parable of the Great Feast

22 Jesus also told them other parables. He said, 2 “The Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a king who prepared a great wedding feast for his son. 3 When the banquet was ready, he sent his servants to notify those who were invited. But they all refused to come!

4 “So he sent other servants to tell them, ‘The feast has been prepared. The bulls and fattened cattle have been killed, and everything is ready. Come to the banquet!’ 5 But the guests he had invited ignored them and went their own way, one to his farm, another to his business. 6 Others seized his messengers and insulted them and killed them.

7 “The king was furious, and he sent out his army to destroy the murderers and burn their town. 8 And he said to his servants, ‘The wedding feast is ready, and the guests I invited aren’t worthy of the honor. 9 Now go out to the street corners and invite everyone you see.’ 10 So the servants brought in everyone they could find, good and bad alike, and the banquet hall was filled with guests.

11 “But when the king came in to meet the guests, he noticed a man who wasn’t wearing the proper clothes for a wedding. 12 ‘Friend,’ he asked, ‘how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?’ But the man had no reply. 13 Then the king said to his aides, ‘Bind his hands and feet and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

14 “For many are called, but few are chosen.”

Yesterday Doug, I, and 4 of our friends had the privilege of spending part of the afternoon getting to know a couple who share a similar calling in the Kingdom. Upon arriving at their home, built in 1827, we took a step back in time as we toured the impeccably decorated rooms and listened to life stories of multiple generations of this family who have lived on the property since the 1700’s. Afterward, we joined some of the extended family for a delicious Sunday feast and shared some of our life stories. Once our bellies were overfull with homemade chicken salad, fresh tomatoes, warm cake and ice cream, we took a walking tour of a small section of the 4,000+ acre farm.

I, unfortunately, was not properly dressed for the occasion (high heels and a long flowing dress isn’t very conducive for walking down long dirt paths in the summertime in the south…. or through outbuildings filled with antique farm equipment and family heirlooms!). As we entered the barn, my husband broke my fall when I twisted my left ankle, after catching my heel on a piece of concrete hiding beneath some hay. My pride was only hurt for a moment, as my friends- old and new- quickly came to my aid.

On with the tour!

After making a loop around the grounds and through the garden, we headed back towards the car & my dear friend offered to retrieve the other pair of heels I packed for the trip (they were croc wedged heels- still not the best shoes for the day, but they would have been better than what I had on!). I stubbornly refused. “No…I’m fine!”

On with the tour!

Several minutes later, as I was high stepping through the long cut grass, leaving a tenant house that the family is restoring, the strap of my right shoe broke off! My chivalrous husband then gave me his size 10 ½ shoes, and we walked back to the main house, hand in hand, down the long gravel path- both of us now, not properly dressed.

At first glance, the King in the Parable of the Great Feast seems to be judgmental and extremely harsh towards the man who arrived at the wedding without the proper clothes. I mean, did it really matter what kind of pants, shirt or shoes he was wearing?

No.

The secret behind this parable that Jesus told was that the guest was not prepared when he received the Kings unexpected invitation- and his heart was not properly dressed.

At first glance, we tend to judge people by looking at their exterior; what they have on, how their hair looks, what they say, the expression on their face, etc. but God looks past the outside, and goes straight to the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7 New Living Translation (NLT)

7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

We may fool others when we show up for church every Sunday in our high heels and long flowing dresses, looking like the “perfect Christian”, but we can’t fake the funk with God. He knows when our hearts stubbornly refuse to surrender to Him (“no…I’m fine!!!”).

If you’re reading this, you haven’t received the unexpected wedding invitation yet. But perhaps the King has already sent you an announcement & you’ve refused to RSVP. Maybe He’s even allowed you to twist your ankle, or break the strap on your favorite shoes to remind you that He’s waiting for your reply. Don’t ignore Him any longer. Accept His invitation to make Jesus Christ your Lord and King. Lower your pride, humble yourself before Him and confess: “I’m NOT fine…I need your help!” When you do, the Holy Spirit will help you get properly dressed in:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I look forward to seeing you at the eternal feast, my friend (I’ll be the one with flip flops, a t-shirt and jeans on!)

Last

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Matthew 20:1-16 New Living Translation (NLT)

20 “For the Kingdom of Heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. 2 He agreed to pay the normal daily wage[a] and sent them out to work.

3 “At nine o’clock in the morning he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. 4 So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever was right at the end of the day.

5 So they went to work in the vineyard. At noon and again at three o’clock he did the same thing. 6 “At five o’clock that afternoon he was in town again and saw some more people standing around. He asked them, ‘Why haven’t you been working today?’7 “They replied, ‘Because no one hired us.’“The landowner told them, ‘Then go out and join the others in my vineyard.’8 “That evening he told the foreman to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. 9 When those hired at five o’clock were paid, each received a full day’s wage. 10 When those hired first came to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more. But they, too, were paid a day’s wage. 11 When they received their pay, they protested to the owner, 12 ‘Those people worked only one hour, and yet you’ve paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat.’

13 “He answered one of them, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair! Didn’t you agree to work all day for the usual wage? 14 Take your money and go. I wanted to pay this last worker the same as you. 15 Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others?’

16 “So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.”

“That’s not FAIR!”

If you’ve raised children, or spent any time around them, you’ve probably heard that phrase exclaimed thousands of times.

From the time our children were young, Doug and I tried to be honest with them about life. When faced with a child’s sense of injustice, we would sympathize with how they were feeling, but follow it up with truth: “yep…life isn’t always fair (at least in the way YOU think it should be!)” This principle doesn’t just apply to the little people in this house though….it’s something I continue to struggle with too.

Injustice.

Jealousy.

Entitlement.

Years ago I was pretty focused on coveting my neighbors possessions. If they got new clothes, I deserved new clothes. If they bought a car, I deserved a car. If they went on a fancy smancy vacation I deserved one. If they had the latest electronic gadget, I deserved that too. Unfortunately, as I became a follower of Christ, my sense of entitlement didn’t magically disappear. Instead, it shifted to another realm of coveting: deserving the same “blessings” other Christians received. This attitude is a dangerous one because not only does it puff up my pride to enormous levels, it causes me to judge others wrongly and unfairly AND it questions the sovereignty and goodness of God.

“It’s not FAIR that…

-so and so got a big, new house and we have to keep repairing this old one!”

-I have to home-school my kids, cook, clean, be a taxi driver, clean the house, pay the bills while so and so gets a maid and can afford to hire a babysitter every week!”

-so and so gets free vacations and we have to save $ for 5 years to go somewhere!”

-so and so has all the gifts of the Spirit and I only have 3!”

-so and so’s church/ministry gets more attention than ours”

-I work all day and get paid as much as so and so -and they only worked an hour!”

When I fail to humbly come before my Savior with a heart of gratitude for His love, mercy and goodness I can easily fall prey to the lies of the enemy. The result of living in the kingdom of darkness is a life filled with judgement, entitlement, ungratefulness & pride……and in the Kingdom of Heaven, that will make me last.

Father,

Thank you for choosing me to be your daughter. Thank you for sending your perfect son to die in my place so that I could spend eternity with you. Thank you for the abundance of blessings you pour out on me every day: a loving husband, 4 extraordinary children, good friends, a supportive extended family, a beautiful home, fresh food to eat, cars that run, homeschool supplies, smart phones, computers, kitchen gadgets…….the list goes on and on. Thank you for filling me with your Spirit and loving me enough to discipline the areas of my heart that are not yet fully surrendered to you.

You are a kind, loving and just landowner.

War

/ Jodie / 2 Comments

James 4:1-9 New Living Translation (NLT)

4 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

4 You adulterers![a] Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. 5 What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy?[b] 6 But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say,

“God opposes the proud
    but favors the humble.”[c]

7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. 9 Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.

When Doug & I were first married a little over 17 years ago we already had a year and a half worth of practice in quarreling. While we were engaged, we had several “heated discussions”- let’s just be honest here- they were knock down drag out fights. Doug has always been a gentleman in the quarreling department; he has never, ever raised his hand against me, but buddy, I knew by the tone in his voice and the sharpness in his eyes when he had had enough. I wish I could say I displayed as much self-control as he did, but I can’t. In the early days of our marriage, I would scream, yell, cuss, slam doors, throw things (I even threw my wedding ring at him on 1 occasion) and if none of those things deemed me the winner, I would leave. I’d get in my red firebird and hit the road. Back then we had no cell phones- so he had no way of getting in touch with me to see if I was ok. I liked it that way- in my mind, the more he suffered, the better, because I was right, and he was wrong.

I was so deceived……

I had NO idea how wrong I was.

Thankfully, fights like that haven’t occurred in our home in over a decade.

So what changed?

No, it wasn’t time. Time doesn’t heals all wounds- or any wounds for that matter.  Just ask someone who is grieving or someone who is unhappy in their marriage. Time heals nothing.

It was Jesus.

And it was a husband and wife that were both willing to humble themselves before Him.

Here’s the deal: at any moment of any day, we are either living by the Spirit, knowing the truth, or we are being deceived by the enemy and believing his lies. When a conflict arises, we either pick up the ammunition in our arsenal of hurts from the past or we surrender ourselves to the voice of the Holy Spirit and do as He says. We either choose to protect our “rights,” & attempt to keep ourselves from being hurt again, or we choose to submit to truth. That doesn’t mean we have to agree about everything- it just means that we choose to love & refuse to wage war against the other person.

In order to reduce the cases of ammunition in the arsenal of our past hurts, we must be willing to humble ourselves before our Creator. In doing so, the Holy Spirit can show us how and why they were placed there and how to safely defuse them, thus preventing their further use. I have had multiple occasions to put this into practice. In fact, I had another one this morning regarding last nights quarrel with my husband! During my morning devotion time, I asked the Lord to show me why I overreacted so strongly towards Doug last night about something, which seemed, on the surface to be so stupid and insignificant. He was faithful to reveal the place where I had been hurt by someone else in my past, and as a result, was reacting to it now, in my present. As with many of us, I have been severely wounded by a few people in authority over me. In order to prevent further abuse or hurt, I began many years ago to try to control everyone around me- including my husband. And when that didn’t work, I would lash out verbally or physically until I could defeat him. Instead of being able to resolve our conflicts in a healthy way, I would severely wound him.

The only way to break this vicious cycle was to ask the lord what the hurts were & who they were from. Then I had to choose to forgive them. Since this revelation, I have spent countless hours in prayer forgiving those that have unintentionally added to my arsenal. Occasionally, though, a traitor can still sneak in under the radar and begin to restock my ammunition…just as he did last night. The result was explosive… as a simple miscommunication and misunderstanding left me feeling unappreciated and disrespected. Sadly, when Doug tried to help me work through my feelings, the more I felt the desire to reload and let him have it!

This morning, as I began searching the scriptures for the reasons why I overacted last night, the Holy Spirit sent me to James 4. After I read the first 9 verses, I prayed and asked the Lord to reveal the areas in which the enemy had set up camp and thus began his assault on my husband, through me. My Father, was, of course, faithful to reveal the culprits- and my unforgiveness towards a few people in my past. After I forgave, God, in His magnificent power, annihilated the enemy with 1 shot. Then He held me in His arms and comforted me as I realized how I had once again seen and treated my husband as the enemy. After my sob fest, I called my husband to apologize and he, very graciously, was quick to forgive.

Oneness has been restored.

I pray that the next time a quarrel emerges between us that I will choose to make love- not war (rest assured………. I won’t be blogging about THAT!)