Family

Abandoned

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Psalm 22

1 My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
    Why are you so far away when I groan for help?

“Once upon a time, in a land far, far away…” I was a pre-school teacher at a Christian school- for a short season. I know what you’re thinking: she does NOT have the personality type for that! You’re right. I don’t. Thankfully, I was also a student of the Lord at that time.

During recess one sunny day, our (then) two-year-old had a meltdown on the playground when her older sister returned to class. At the end of the day, her teacher informed me of the episode, so on the way home I inquired of our little smiley girl,

“Sweetheart, what happened at school today?”

“I FRODA FIT!”

“You threw a fit?!”

“Yep.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Because…

she LEFT ME!!!!!!”

I understood her frustration. I still understand her frustration. In her mind, her favorite person on the planet abandoned her- leaving her alone and afraid.

My mind sometimes plays the same trick on me: I feel like God has abandoned me. I feel alone. And afraid. I know its not true, but occasionally, my emotions overwhelm my thinking and I forget that He will never leave or forsake me.

More than two decades later in a promised land “far, far away…” I became a high school teacher at a Homeschool Co-op for a season. I know what you’re thinking: she does NOT have the personality type for that! You’re right. I don’t. Thankfully, I was also a student of the Lord at that time. Annnnnnd, wouldn’t ya know it? I was given the opportunity to have a few of my own meltdowns on the playground.

Because…..

I had been feeling abandoned. And alone. And afraid.

So, I did what any spiritually mature momma would do: I threw a temper tantrum. Actually, I threw several of them. It’s what my heart needed. I had to be honest with the Lord. Not at school, among students & fellow staff members, but in the secret place.

Because…

Not everyone on the playground is equipped to handle every emotional episode His children encounter. But, if we will become a student, He will provide teachers that can help us process the broken-hearted places of our soul. Some are licensed counselors. Some are practicing therapists. Some are mothers or fathers in the body of Christ. If we will seek them, we will find them; spiritually mature parents who will pray & prophesy over us, as we pour out our complaint to the Lord, like David did.

Like Jesus did.

My fellow sojourner,

Do you need to throw a temper tantrum?

Go on.

It’s ok to GROAN!

Ask the Lord for help.

He’s a Good Shepherd.

He’ll let you lay down in green pastures for a snack and a nap.

He’ll let you drink from His water fountain.

He’ll lead you through that playground.

His rod & staff will comfort your fears.

And, He WILL restore your sweet soul.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3     He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Jell-O (part 2)

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Ezekiel 36:26

 I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh…

I inherited my mom’s 1970’s lime green, Jell-O Tupperware mold when she passed away in 2021. Throughout my childhood and into adulthood, my mother, and her mother before her, created masterpieces filled with fruit and other deliciousness for family reunions and holidays in that little piece of plastic. I stood in wonder watching their expertise as they cooked and cooled their concoctions with ease. Once the Jello-O was done, they broke the seal of the mold, then rapidly inverted its contents onto a fancy dish; displaying their handiwork for all of us to enjoy. My girls and I perform the same magnificent routine every Thanksgiving when we make their Mema’s famous cranberry Jell-O recipe.

Bullard Pack Thanksgiving 2021

If you’ve ever made Jell-O straight-outta-the box you know that boiling water is required to dissolve its contents. In order to prepare the mixture, ongoing heat must be applied. Only after a specified amount of time under intense pressure can the Jell-O finally be removed from the pot and transferred into a dish to begin its cooling process in the fridge overnight. During such time, the wiggly jiggly substance conforms to its container.

Such is the case with my heart.

In this season, as the Lord increases the temperature to the boiling point, I admit: my flesh grumbles & complains a little (ok- a LOT!). Mercifully, I’ve also come to my senses by the power of His Spirit, and submit my will to this divine pressure. Instead of ignoring or idolizing the explosive emotions that emerge from the heat in my heart, I’m learning to press into the pain. As I do, I discover, like David did in his Psalms of lament; the Lord hears my cry. In these moments of raw vulnerability, I am laying down in green pastures… and He’s restoring my soul.  

I believe this, in part, is what it means to be a disciple.

Being.

Sitting.

At the feet of Jesus.  

Praying; in secret and in community.

Submitting to the Word; in secret and in community.

Worshipping; in secret and in community.

I’m also in counseling.

And I’m seeking wise advice (lots of couch convos with my best friend [my man], and a few trusted leaders & friends).

Making Jell-O is a process, my friend……as is transforming the heart.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Called to Homeschool???

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Matthew 14:18-22

New Living Translation

18 One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers—Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew—throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 19 Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” 20 And they left their nets at once and followed him.

21 A little farther up the shore he saw two other brothers, James and John, sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, repairing their nets. And he called them to come, too. 22 They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind.

God called me to follow Him into homeschooling in 2007.

At the time, I had,

-A newborn son who required constant care. 

-A non-verbal, sometimes violent, yet musically gifted daughter on the Autism Spectrum. 

-A smart, social butterfly daughter who thrived being in the presence of a loving teacher & her very best friends every day in a public-school classroom.

-A natural born, strong-willed leader daughter who felt constant pressure from the system to perform a greater quantity of work in exchange of quality work.

Let me be perfectly clear: I did NOT want to be a homeschool mom! For heaven’s sake, I purposefully changed my major from Music Education to Mass Media Communications because I realized after talking to a long-time educator that I didn’t want to teach bratty kids, deal with ungrateful parents and fight an impossibly rigid public-school system. Plus, we had become a single income household after our 3rd daughter was born, so I logically concluded that we couldn’t afford to pay state taxes for public education AND pay for our children’s homeschool education! 

So, I politely told God, “no.”

He laughed.

Several months (and many tears) later, I finally relented to HIS will.  

Matthew 16:21-26

New Living Translation

21 From then on Jesus[a] began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead.

22 But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him[b] for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!”

23 Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 26 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?[c] Is anything worth more than your soul?

I’ll spare you the gory details of what it has cost me to follow Him into homeschooling. But after 16 years, I say with absolute confidence, HE IS WORTH. IT. ALL!!!

Instead, my friend, I want to ask:

Did the Lord call you?!

IF the Lord called you to follow Him into homeschooling, 

(not your spouse/kids/friends/self- wanting an alternative to public or private school)

THEN He will require you to:

(Matthew 16:24)

  1. Give up YOUR way = time, talent, treasure 
  2. Take up YOUR cross = train your children in the way they should go (not the way everyone else is going)
  3. Follow Him to YOUR death = as you teach your children, Jesus will teach you how to obey the Father; HIS Kingdom, HIS will, HIS way (not man’s kingdom, man’s will, man’s ways).

IF you chose to follow Him into homeschooling, 

THEN you will be a servant who will suffer many terrible things at the hands of:

(Matthew 16:21)

  1. “elders”
  2. “leading priests”
  3. “teachers of religious law”

Many won’t applaud or support your decision to homeschool. That’s ok. Please the Father, not people. He alone will judge us according to our deeds. 

IF you will give up your life to follow Him into homeschooling,

THEN you will save it.

(Matthew 16: 25)

What needs to be saved in your life?

  1. Your spirit? (Salvation in Jesus)
  2. Your soul? (Mind, Will, Emotions)
  3. Your relationship with God? (Worshipping Him in Spirit & Truth)
  4. Your relationship with your husband? (Becoming One = body, soul, spirit)
  5. Your relationship with your kids? (Loving them from the overflow of love you receive from the Father)

The cost of homeschooling has been great in my life. But what I have gained far surpasses anything I’ve lost. I pray the same is true for you!

Please share your homeschool story with us! (Comment below)

Innermost

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Hebrews 4:12-13

New Living Translation

12 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two–edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.

We’ve been living in the land God promised our family for over a year now. Indeed, it IS a land flowing with milk and honey. Actually, its flowing with orange juice and cattle! Centrally located between east & west coast beaches, Polk County, FL is full of cattle ranchers and citrus farmers.

Ten years ago, the Spirit of the Lord spoke to me in the secret place early one morning. He said He was removing the tent pegs of our temporary tabernacle, which would require us to leave our fathers land (both our dads were born & raised in NC) to settle in a new land where our family would dwell in a multi-generational house of prayer on a lake (HOTFM; Lakeland, FL). A series of dreams, divine encounters, visits down south and countless confirmations in Scripture confirmed the call for each member of our family- and the spiritual, emotional and physical cost each of us would pay to obey.

Living in- and leaving Egypt was a painful process, as I’ve written about in very raw language on this blog many times. I suffered rejection, betrayal and denial of what the Lord said through several of my closest relationships. I readily admit that I didn’t handle all the words spoken against me in a healthy way. Nor did I deal with the silent treatment that also ensued. Although I tried to forgive and forget while continuing to fight the good fight of faith, many scars began to fester and I started fighting a few battles in my flesh. A bitter root emerged as a result of self-righteous anger and the perceived injustice I felt.

But praise the Lord…Jesus still heals and delivers us from all our sin!!! By the power of His Spirit, the Word made flesh used several parts of His body to pray, encourage, correct and rebuke this emotionally temperamental teenager! One brave soul literally told me she saw a bitter root entrenched in my heart…and proceeded to intercede so that I could be set FREE. Hallelujah! A wonderful Christian Counselor has also helped me untangle from the thorns and thistles that grew in the soil of my soul the last 10 years.

Today, I can now say with confidence that like Jesus, I’ve learned obedience by the things I’ve suffered in this wilderness season. I’m not completely out of the desert, but I am beginning to see the end of this valley of the shadow of death, and I’m leaning even more on my Beloved!

Hebrews 5:8

New Living Translation

8 Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.

Psalm 23:4

New Living Translation

4 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.

Song of Solomon 8:5

New King James Version

5 Who is this coming up from the wilderness,
Leaning upon her beloved?

The pain of the past is being consumed by the fire in His eyes. Jesus. The Word. IS powerful! When He speaks through Scripture, or by His Spirit in prayer, visions, dreams or divine appointments, He cuts straight to the heart. Separating between soul & spirit, He exposes… Every. Thing. Everything we’ve tried to hide from Him, ourselves and others in the garden. But if we’ll learn to trust Him through this process, we’ll receive His loving kindness which leads us to repentance.

Romans 2:4

New International Version

4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

In His presence, we are once again naked and unashamed. Fixing our gaze on the One who gave up His life for us. In that place, we realize HE is the only One we are accountable to.

As I am breaking free of this fear of man, I am re-discovering the need for God’s order of operations:

When I love God first, I fear God.

When I love others second, I fear God.

Conversely,

When I love others first, I fear man.

When I love God second, I fear man.

Matthew 22:37-40

New Living Translation

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a]38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Psalm 118:6

New Living Translation

6 The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.
    What can mere people do to me?

I’m sure I have many more lessons to learn in this land flowing with citrus and cattle, but for now I leave you with this encouragement, my friend: Seek FIRST the Kingdom!

Yours truly,

Momma Jo

Matthew 6:33

New International Version

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

The Cost

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Luke 14:25-30

25 A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, 26 “If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. 27 And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.

28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?29 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you.30 They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’

According to “experts,” the 5 MOST STRESSFUL LIFE EVENTS are as follows:

  1. Death of a loved one
  2. Divorce
  3. Moving
  4. Major Illness or Injury
  5. Job Loss

My friend, we have suffered three of these in the last fourteen months. Yes. Three. My mother died unexpectedly in April 2021, we moved from NC to FL in July 2021, and my husband was laid off unexpectedly in June.

Why are we surprised?

The Lord said that being a disciple would be costly. He even warned me in a dream before we said “yes” in following Him to the Promised Land.

Jesus counted the cost.

In return, He is simply asking, “are you willing to do the same for me?”

He suffered.

And our family is suffering.

He carried His cross.

And we’re carrying our cross.

He chose to obey the Father.

And we’re choosing to obey the Father.

Why?

Because we love Him – as He first loved us.

A friend recently sent an encouraging text, letting me know she was praying for and with us, asking if we felt a bit like Job in this season. Indeed. We do. In fact, that very morning, before her correspondence, I re-read his story. Like Job, we have suffered much loss. Like Job, we’ve been encouraged by those who’ve simply sat and wept with us. And, like Job, we’ve also been discouraged by those who’ve misrepresented the Father’s heart, in comforting His people. I throw no stones. In my religious zealousness, I too have tried to give the right answer to the questions people have when grieving. Many times, I accurately recited the law, but in the end, I failed to love. It breaks my heart, as it does His.

Regardless, this season of suffering is not about our friends, it’s about us. Specifically, it’s about our hearts. The Lord is allowing the Accuser to test us- shaking the walls of our protection, our property and our prosperity (Job 1:6-12). As we’re being sifted like wheat, I see areas of pride that hinder me from pursuing the Lord with all my heart. THIS is Good News! Our circumstances haven’t changed, people haven’t changed, but I am being changed.

My friend, HE is worth it!  

Matthew 13:45-46

45 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. 46 When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!

Who is my Mother?

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Matthew 12:46-50

46 As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him.47 Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, and they want to speak to you.”[a]

48 Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” 49 Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. 50 Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”

The Lord began highlighting this passage of scripture years ago, when He called me, like Abraham, to leave my father’s land to go to a new land which our family would inherit. In the midst of the process of uprooting from North Carolina, God continued asking: “who is my mother?” Simultaneously, He continued confirming His call to leave everything and follow Him over and over again through Scripture, dreams, visions and divine appointments with complete strangers! One dream in particular, He whispered “consider the cost…” I had NO way of knowing at the time, what that Word would require. Sure, I knew to some extent the “cost” would include physical hardships in selling a house, buying a house and moving a lifetime of stuff from NC to FL. And I knew there would be a spiritual battle as I obeyed. But what happened, was completely unexpected, as warfare often is. At some point in the process, many people I love opposed the Word in me. Yes, friends and family, alike, knowingly or unknowingly partnered with the accuser of the brethren against the promise I carried. The enemy would not go down quietly, without a fight. He wanted my soul to stay in Egypt; in bondage to Pharaoh, enslaved to the work of churning mud into bricks without straw (He literally gave me this vision at a corporate prayer meeting one night). Battered and bruised, I would not be moved! That slithering serpent even sucker punched me, with one final low blow beneath the belt when we arrived in Florida.

I realized pretty quickly, once we got somewhat settled into our new home and covenant community that I needed to come off the battlefield to rest and recover in the RED CROSS tent.

I’m still there.

It’s a strange thing to be living and growing and learning in the fertile land God promised, while simultaneously allowing the Lord to bind up my broken heart. In this season, I am surrounded by mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters in the faith who are caring for me in ways I cannot begin to comprehend. It’s miraculous. I’ve found my family!!! And we are living together in our Father’s house; a house of prayer- in central Florida, surrounded by cows and citrus farms! Multiple times a week, I meet with other intercessors who carry a burden to see His Kingdom come, His will be done. I often praise the Lord on my drive to and fro, “THANK YOU, Lord. You are faithful! You fulfilled your promise! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!” Gratitude explodes from my heart. And yet, sometimes…even in the proceeding moment- I cry out in the deepest grief.

How can this be?

I believe it’s all a part of the process ….of being transformed into His image.

You see, it was His Spirit that whispered the promise my elder Brother heard from Our Father in heaven. It was His Spirit that gave me the faith to obey His command. It was His Spirit that prepared me to leave Egypt. It was His Spirit that sustained me in the wilderness. It was His Spirit that enabled me to continue marching on towards the land flowing with milk and honey. And, it is by His Spirit that I am coming up out of this present wilderness, leaning on my beloved as I grieve the loss of my mother, leaving my father and sister, my spiritual mommas, and extended family and friends.

He is still with me; in gratitude AND in grief, He is with me…

Comforting me with His rod and staff.

Leading me through the valley.

Renewing my strength.

Guiding me.

Preparing me.

Honoring me.

Pursuing me.

And I will dwell in His house forever and ever, Amen!  

THIS is family.

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

John 19:25-27

New Living Translation

25 Standing near the cross were Jesus’ mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary (the wife of Clopas), and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, “Dear woman, here is your son.” 27 And he said to this disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home

As my man and I traveled back from our first HOTFM home group meeting last week, we were discussing the difference between this community of believers and those we’ve been a part of for more than 2 decades. We had a hard time articulating what we felt. We couldn’t quite put it into words… it’s just… different.

The next day, with a BOLD cup of coffee in hand while watching the sun rise over our lanai, revelation hit:

THIS is family.

This is what Jesus died for!!!

This is not a corporation.

This is not an empire.

This is not a circus.

This is not a one man show.

We’re accustomed to the local church operating as a business with a CEO, CFO, Boards of Directors, etc. etc. etc. We’re used to performing our religious duties in order to be praised and promoted by men. We know how to work the system to receive affirmation and affection from big daddy- aka the senior pastor. We know the drudgery of making bricks without straw for Pharaoh. We know the bondage of Egypt.

Let me be perfectly clear. I am not under any false illusion that the people of HOTFM are practically perfect in every way. No. They are maturing in Christ, just as we are. The difference is: what we previously experienced and what we’re currently experiencing is that this group of believers was birthed by the Spirit- not a business plan. Led by the Spirit, not the flesh, a church was constructed on THE cornerstone. Governed by the headship of Jesus Christ, a family of fathers were appointed- a plurality of elders, as written right there in black and white in the OLD and NEW Testament! (Plural, as in adding an “s” on the end. Meaning, more than one.) Fathers and mothers training & equipping ALL of God’s children. And ALL of God’s children doing their part in the family (ministry) without competition or comparison!

Welcomed as new members of Heart of the Father Ministry!

THIS is family.

THIS is what Jesus died for!!!

Sons and daughters that share the same Father.

Sons and daughters that share the same older brother.

Sons and daughters that share the same Spirit.

Sons and daughters that share the same blood.

Sons and daughters that share the same name.

I gotta tell ya. Getting here came at a cost. I spent 7 years groaning, weeping, and laboring. I spent 7 years asking, seeking, knocking for the door to be opened. I spent 7 years feeling rejected, betrayed and abandoned by those I love.

THIS is what I died for.

THIS is His Kingdom come.

THIS is His will being done.

THIS is on earth as it is in heaven.

My friend,

Have you found your family? It’s time. It’s time to come home to the Father. It’s time to know the Son as Savior AND Lord. It’s time to overflow with His Spirit. It’s time to celebrate with brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s time to share everything you have with a community of Spirit filled believers. THIS is family. THIS is eternal and abundant life.