Forgiveness

Fog

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Mark 16:5-6

5 When they entered the tomb, they saw a young man clothed in a white robe sitting on the right side. The women were shocked, 6 but the angel said, “Don’t be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Look, this is where they laid his body.

Sometimes there are seasons in our lives when our soul becomes empty and our relationship with the Lord no longer feels “life giving.”

Although we may know that Jesus was crucified and died for our sins, when the circumstances of life become unbearable with feelings of grief, anger, jealousy, injustice, unforgiveness….and our prayers seem one sided, we begin to believe that “He isn’t here.” If we continue to give way to these emotions instead of seeking the One who is always present, the more dense the fog becomes and the more hopeless we feel.

Fortunately, for us, our Father is not intimidated by the low lying clouds in our mind, will and emotions. He patiently waits, showing His love for us in subtle ways (which we often fail to see because we are blinded in the fog by the enemy). Until, in desperation we come crawling back to Him, begging for the clouds to evaporate into life giving water.

When we are able to push past our emotions and allow the Holy Spirit to dig down into the depths of our soul, we find that the emptiness isn’t a result of Him, but of us. In that moment, as we re- encounter our risen Lord, we are consumed by His love and in His presence we are compelled to pour out all our sins at His feet. As He whispers “you are forgiven” a mighty surge of living water consumes our soul and we are filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, which once again compels us to, “go into all the world and preach the good news to everyone.”  Mark 16:15

And at last I see the light

And it’s like the fog has lifted

And at last I see the light

And it’s like the sky is new

And it’s warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once everything looks different

Now that I see you

-I See the Light, from Disney’s “Tangled”

In the Light

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1 John 1:5-10

5 This is the message we heard from Jesus[a] and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. 6 So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. 7 But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.

8 If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.

Upon my salvation, I believed God forgave ALL my sins; past, present & future. Although this is true, as a new disciple, I was inadvertently taught that I didn’t need to repent -ever again.

Romans 3:23-24

23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.

By God’s grace, I HAVE BEEN SAVED from eternal punishment and my destiny in Him is secure! And now I know that when I repent, it is not to re-secure my spot in heaven, but to re-open the door to God’s light in my life. Choosing to rest on the laurels of praying the sinner’s prayer 14 years ago does not exclude me from living in darkness today. To pretend that I have not sinned since that day is foolishness. When there is unconfessed sin in my life, my relationship with God is hindered. The only way to uncover that darkness is to penetrate it with His light. As I pause each day and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those places in my soul (some of which I may be completely unaware of because I am being deceived by the enemy), He is faithful to answer:

-judgment

-unforgiveness

-complacency

-doubt

-fear

Then, instead of offering a “blanket” apology, I repent in detail for these things:

REPENT = to feel or show that you are sorry for something wrong that you did and that you want to do what is right (Merriam-Webster)

-“Lord, please forgive me for judging ________. You know their heart, and you will judge according to your perfect will, not mine.”

-“I choose as an act of my will, to forgive _________. They owe me nothing.”

-“Father, remove the complacency from my soul. Help me to run boldly after you to further your Kingdom on this earth.”

-“God, forgive me for doubting that you are good- and that you will provide for me.”

-“Lord, please show me the root of this fear. I repent for being bound to my circumstances, instead of trusting in you.”

A “blanket” repentance can be likened to a “blanket” apology after a fight with my spouse. In the beginning, Doug and I were ok with just saying “I’m sorry…” to one another. But, as our relationship has deepened and the light has pushed the areas of darkness back, our souls long for greater oneness. Now, when we repent to one another, we are specific:

-“I apologize for yelling and disrespecting you in front of the kids…I wanted you to do what I wanted.”

-“Would you please forgive me for disregarding the budget you set in place? I made a hasty decision to buy what I wanted.”

-“I’m sorry I didn’t consult you before making plans with friends. I was only thinking about what I wanted to do.”

When we confess our sin- in detail- the other person knows the sincerity of our heart. It also shows that we desire complete restoration for the relationship. A quick “I’m sorry” is usually expressed to just get ourselves out of trouble, so we can move on with what we want to do (take the kids to their activities, watch the big game on TV, go shopping, have sex….). But our spouse is not fooled- and neither is God. He knows our hearts intent, even before our lips utter a sound. If we truly want to live in the light and experience a redeemed and restored relationship with Our Father, sincere repentance must be a daily act of submission for us.

The beauty of our willingness to humble ourselves before the Creator of the universe is that He is always faithful to forgive- and embrace us with open arms.

Luke 15:11-32

11 To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.

13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. 16 The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.[a]’

22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’

28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

Adulterous Woman

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John 8

8 Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, 2 but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. 3 As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

During my formative years, I was never part of the “in” crowd. I had friends of various stereotypes; the jocks, the musicians, the churchgoers, the honor rollers, but I never fit in with the kids on top. You know the type: the rich kids who are the prettiest, most popular, best dressed, homecoming king and queen. I always said I didn’t care to be in their “click,” but deep down I wanted to be accepted…I wanted to feel like I belonged with the recognized elite group.

When I became a culture-shocked teenager, after moving from Southern California to “Hicksville” North Carolina, I just wanted to blend in with the locals. Unfortunately, I never quite fit in- anywhere. Instead, I was labeled as the stereotypical valley girl; wealthy, arrogant, airheaded…you get the idea. As a result, the girls mercilessly bullied me in my school. I was followed like a prey before slaughter; cussed at, taunted and pushed around. On one occasion, a girl spit gum in my hair. They even went so far as calling my home- threatening to beat me up if I didn’t do exactly as they said. And so, I spent the next 2 years of middle school and 3 years of high school trying to be accepted. Unfortunately, the only ones who wanted me were the boys. Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn to them, and ultimately, death was the result of their attention.

This unhealthy cycle continued into college, until I met a man who asked me a simple, yet profound question: “Why do you continue to disrespect yourself like that? You are worth FAR more than what you believe about yourself.”

2 years later, I married him.

I can relate all too well to the adulterous woman in John, chapter 8. I understand the shame she felt as the religious elite gathered around her. I have been at the center of a crowd who ridiculed me for the sins they thought I engaged in- and for the sins in which I willingly committed. I have stared into the faces of the Pharisees, as they’ve mocked me, taunted me, and rejected me. The stones they’ve hurled have bruised my soul.

But, I’ve also stared into the face of my Savior and listened to Him say “You are my precious, expressive, bold, submissive, passionate daughter- you are loved…. you are forgiven. Go, and sin no more.”

Decades later, I sometimes still feel like that teenager girl- not a part of the “in” crowd in my city, my neighborhood, my church or my homeschool groups. Whether the rejection is actual, or just a ploy of the enemy in an attempt to destroy me, I know, that I know, that I know, that I belong to the only One that matters.

Perhaps you’re that girl- or guy who always feels like you’ll never fit in.

Perhaps you’re a sinner who feels condemned by the choices you’ve made to fill a void in your life.

Perhaps you’ve been badly bruised by Pharisee’s who seem to be “perfect.”

You are not alone. There is someone who knows exactly what it feels like to be an outcast, to be condemned and to be wrongfully accused. He died for you and His name is Jesus Christ. Accept Him as your Savior today, and be a part of His “in” crowd -for all eternity.

The Lost Sheep

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Luke 15:1-7

15 Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. 2 This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!

3 So Jesus told them this story: 4 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. 6 When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!

This parable is often used as the basis of many evangelistic outreach programs within the local church. It has also been the reasoning behind the common phrase “it’s not about you” (believers) it’s about “the lost” (unbelievers) in churches that are more, as they say, “seeker friendly.” The thing is, it’s about the 1 AND the 99 because without the 99 there would be no church and without the 1 there would be no one to GO make disciples of.

Matthew 28:19

19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

After much study, reading “expert” opinions and discussing this parable at length with my husband, I believe that Jesus was referring to 2 types of “lost” sheep:

#1 The lost-lost

Isaiah 53:6

All of us, like sheep, have strayed away….

This lost-lost sheep is a sinner that has never been found. He/she has not been exposed to the gospel. Perhaps they’ve heard of the Christian religion and have known hypocritical followers of Jesus, but they haven’t had the opportunity to see one of the 99 who has been radically changed after an encounter with the Great Shepherd. This lost sheep needs to feel love- not judgment (as the Pharisees did) from the 99. The responsibility of the 99 is to lead this 1 to the Shepherd, and once he/she has repented, teach them how to obey Him.

#2 The lost-found-lost

Psalm 119:176

I have wandered away like a lost sheep;
come and find me,
for I have not forgotten your commands.

This lost-found-lost sheep is a sinner who was once a member of the 100. But, unfortunately has followed the voice of the enemy and strayed away from the flock. These are the  “back sliders” or the religious (those that do all the right things/obey the law, but have no relationship with the Great Shepherd). The responsibility of the 99 is to lead this 1 back to the Shepherd (by encouraging or rebuking, depending on the circumstance and how the Holy Spirit leads), and once they’ve repented, teach them how to obey Him, again.

The truth is, we are all the 1. All of us need the Great Shepherd to search for us and joyfully carry us home on His shoulders…..and whether we are part of the flock that are designed to disciple the lost-lost or the lost-found-lost we all should rejoice when He brings another 1 home!

War

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James 4:1-9 New Living Translation (NLT)

4 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

4 You adulterers![a] Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. 5 What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy?[b] 6 But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say,

“God opposes the proud
    but favors the humble.”[c]

7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. 9 Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.

When Doug & I were first married a little over 17 years ago we already had a year and a half worth of practice in quarreling. While we were engaged, we had several “heated discussions”- let’s just be honest here- they were knock down drag out fights. Doug has always been a gentleman in the quarreling department; he has never, ever raised his hand against me, but buddy, I knew by the tone in his voice and the sharpness in his eyes when he had had enough. I wish I could say I displayed as much self-control as he did, but I can’t. In the early days of our marriage, I would scream, yell, cuss, slam doors, throw things (I even threw my wedding ring at him on 1 occasion) and if none of those things deemed me the winner, I would leave. I’d get in my red firebird and hit the road. Back then we had no cell phones- so he had no way of getting in touch with me to see if I was ok. I liked it that way- in my mind, the more he suffered, the better, because I was right, and he was wrong.

I was so deceived……

I had NO idea how wrong I was.

Thankfully, fights like that haven’t occurred in our home in over a decade.

So what changed?

No, it wasn’t time. Time doesn’t heals all wounds- or any wounds for that matter.  Just ask someone who is grieving or someone who is unhappy in their marriage. Time heals nothing.

It was Jesus.

And it was a husband and wife that were both willing to humble themselves before Him.

Here’s the deal: at any moment of any day, we are either living by the Spirit, knowing the truth, or we are being deceived by the enemy and believing his lies. When a conflict arises, we either pick up the ammunition in our arsenal of hurts from the past or we surrender ourselves to the voice of the Holy Spirit and do as He says. We either choose to protect our “rights,” & attempt to keep ourselves from being hurt again, or we choose to submit to truth. That doesn’t mean we have to agree about everything- it just means that we choose to love & refuse to wage war against the other person.

In order to reduce the cases of ammunition in the arsenal of our past hurts, we must be willing to humble ourselves before our Creator. In doing so, the Holy Spirit can show us how and why they were placed there and how to safely defuse them, thus preventing their further use. I have had multiple occasions to put this into practice. In fact, I had another one this morning regarding last nights quarrel with my husband! During my morning devotion time, I asked the Lord to show me why I overreacted so strongly towards Doug last night about something, which seemed, on the surface to be so stupid and insignificant. He was faithful to reveal the place where I had been hurt by someone else in my past, and as a result, was reacting to it now, in my present. As with many of us, I have been severely wounded by a few people in authority over me. In order to prevent further abuse or hurt, I began many years ago to try to control everyone around me- including my husband. And when that didn’t work, I would lash out verbally or physically until I could defeat him. Instead of being able to resolve our conflicts in a healthy way, I would severely wound him.

The only way to break this vicious cycle was to ask the lord what the hurts were & who they were from. Then I had to choose to forgive them. Since this revelation, I have spent countless hours in prayer forgiving those that have unintentionally added to my arsenal. Occasionally, though, a traitor can still sneak in under the radar and begin to restock my ammunition…just as he did last night. The result was explosive… as a simple miscommunication and misunderstanding left me feeling unappreciated and disrespected. Sadly, when Doug tried to help me work through my feelings, the more I felt the desire to reload and let him have it!

This morning, as I began searching the scriptures for the reasons why I overacted last night, the Holy Spirit sent me to James 4. After I read the first 9 verses, I prayed and asked the Lord to reveal the areas in which the enemy had set up camp and thus began his assault on my husband, through me. My Father, was, of course, faithful to reveal the culprits- and my unforgiveness towards a few people in my past. After I forgave, God, in His magnificent power, annihilated the enemy with 1 shot. Then He held me in His arms and comforted me as I realized how I had once again seen and treated my husband as the enemy. After my sob fest, I called my husband to apologize and he, very graciously, was quick to forgive.

Oneness has been restored.

I pray that the next time a quarrel emerges between us that I will choose to make love- not war (rest assured………. I won’t be blogging about THAT!)

Unforgiving Debtor

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Matthew 18:21-35 New Living Translation (NLT)

 21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone[a] who sins against me? Seven times?”

22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven![b]

23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.[c] 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.[d] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.

29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters[e] from your heart.”

If I had to choose 1 thing that has revolutionized my life and drastically changed my relationship with the Lord and others, it would be the principle of forgiveness. The more I study God’s word and learn to apply His truth to my life, the greater Jesus’ sacrifice for me is made real. Still, I cannot fully comprehend the depth of His love – and His willingness to carry the guilt of my sin; past, present & future on His shoulders. Just like Judas, I have betrayed Him over and over and yet, because His love is wider and deeper than I can fathom, He sacrificed His perfect life for mine.

I am forgiven.

My sins are washed as white as snow.

I owe Him nothing.

I am FREE to boldly approach His throne and worship Him for all eternity.

After my salvation, I began to catch a glimpse of the magnitude of God’s forgiveness and how it could change my life….but it took a great many years for me to be willing to forgive others just once- much less 70 x 7!

My first debtor was my husband. I believed he owed me for all the sins he engaged in while we were married because I had suffered the consequences of his actions.

When the king summoned the servant to pay his debt (vs 23-24) & discovered he could not, the king ordered him, his wife and his children to be sold into slavery.

What?!

How unfair!

How unjust!

When I first read this parable, I must admit- it ticked me off. This servants wife and children were innocent of this mans actions and yet THEY were going to have to suffer alongside him! What the Holy Spirit has since revealed to me is this: we don’t sin in a vacuum. Our actions aren’t self contained- they affect not only us, but those whom we are in relationship with. God designed husband and wife to function as one. When Eve sinned, it affected her and Adam- and unfortunately, their boys continued in the family legacy of sin and hiding. The same principle applies to my family. When I am deceived and begin to take matters into my own hands, my husband suffers for it and so do our children. Do I think that’s fair? Not particularly. But His ways are not my ways. I do understand, however, that in order for my family to advance God’s Kingdom, as He has called us to do, Doug and I and our children MUST love God and love each other….and when we are sinned against, offended, hurt, ticked off, disgruntled, you name it, we MUST be willing to forgive. Otherwise, we open up everyone in our family to the torture of the enemy- and a life of bondage.

For our family, the evidence of “torture” is exposed in a few ways:

Anger

-bickering over stupid stuff

-sibling rivalry

-complaining

-constantly pointing out others faults

-sarcasm

Avoidance

-not wanting to engage in conversation with anyone

-hiding in our rooms

-escape through electronics (tv, video games, iphone, ipod, etc)

We stop it by choosing to forgive the debtor. We don’t ignore that there is a debt. Instead, we willingly release the debtor from paying it back (whether they acknowledge or apologize for it- of not). By an act of our will, we chose to extend mercy where punishment is required. As a result, we are released from the clutches of the enemy and are FREE to receive an abundance of blessings from the King!

Since all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of Christ, it can be concluded that all of us need to be forgiven- and need to forgive. We must, therefore, humble ourselves before the King of Kings and confess our sins against Him, receive His forgiveness, then ask Him who we need to forgive (we shouldn’t be surprised if the list is very long…the Holy Spirit is very thorough & He wants us to walk in TOTAL FREEDOM, not just see the prison door open & remain trapped inside).

Forgiveness.

It’s a difficult principle to understand and apply, for it requires us to willingly lay down our “rights” to show love to another. Jesus is the ultimate example- and the Holy Spirit, whom He sent to help us, is the only one who can enable us to forgive our debtors… whether that be our spouse, our children, our parents, our in-laws, our friends, or our brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. But I can tell you, in all honesty, it CAN be done!

Soil

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 Matthew 13 New Living Translation (NLT)

 13 Later that same day Jesus left the house and sat beside the lake. 2 A large crowd soon gathered around him, so he got into a boat. Then he sat there and taught as the people stood on the shore. 3 He told many stories in the form of parables, such as this one:

“Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. 4 As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. 5 Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. 6 But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. 7 Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. 8 Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!

I was raised in a Christian family. My parents took me to church, VBS, Youth Camp, Music Camp- as many church activities as they could taxi me to. In junior high, I had one of those emotional mountain top experiences at camp during a worship service as we sang the chorus of “Awesome God.” It was short lived, because once I returned home to the valley (literally- we lived in the foothills of CA!), my life resumed as normal: doing what I wanted to do, being involved in church activities, but never cracking the bible that sat on my shelf. I knew about Jesus, but I had no absolutely relationship with Him.

The seeds fell on the footpath, but the birds ate them up….

In 1999, when I was 9 months pregnant with our 1st daughter, I surrendered my life to the Lord. I sobbed and poured my heart out, confessing every sin I could think of & admitting that I had done a pour job trying to control my life. I received His forgiveness and asked Him to teach me how to follow Him.

Matthew 13 New Living Translation (NLT)

 10 His disciples came and asked him, “Why do you use parables when you talk to the people?”

11 He replied, “You are permitted to understand the secrets[a] of the Kingdom of Heaven, but others are not. 12 To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.

In the beginning of my journey following Christ, I realized the importance of studying God’s word. Unfortunately, I was usually left feeling frustrated after reading my bible because I didn’t understand the “secrets!” Instead, I began reading devotionals and Christian self-help books. I did gain some knowledge and understanding of the scriptures through other people’s interpretations, but I had no idea of how to apply these truths to my life, and honestly I really just wanted to keep doing what I wanted to do.

The seeds that fell were on shallow soil with underlying rock…

After a few years, I began to ask the Holy Spirit to give me the desire to want to read the bible- and help me understand it. As I persevered in my daily reading plan, He was faithful to begin illuminating His truth through scripture. Eventually, however, I was faced with an even greater challenge than knowing what it says: doing what it says (I quickly realized that if I didn’t want to be convicted of the sin in my life, or in my marriage, I shouldn’t read it). One of the first things the Lord highlighted to me, through His word, was my inability to forgive, and the consequences it would bring to my life. For far too long, I had held onto anger towards my husband, and thoe bitter roots of unforgiveness were choking out my ability to see and hear from God.

The seeds fell among thorns….

The process of rooting out my pride and being able to forgive began when the Lord stopped me one day, in the middle of one of my tirades about Doug & said “I love him too…I died for him too. I have forgiven him….you need to forgive him.”

That completely broke me.

From that day forward, I made the choice to forgive my husband – until my heart was free from offense, and I could see him the way Our Father sees him. It’s a practice that I continue to exercise even now.

The seeds fell on fertile soil…..

For the first time, I realized an important secret of scripture: He is the farmer, and I am the soil. Because He died for me and adopted me as His daughter, all I need to do to obtain the secrets of His Kingdom is seek Him….and be willing to allow Him to till up any rocks and thorns in my life so that He can scatter His seeds & make them grow. As a result of my willingness, a harvest that is 30, 60, or even 100 times more than what He planted will be produced in my life- and my marriage.

Our God IS an awesome God, isn’t He?