Forgiveness

Prison

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Matthew 18:21-35 New Living Translation (NLT)

Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor

21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone[a] who sins against me? Seven times?”22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven![b]23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.[c] 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.[d] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters[e] from your heart.”

During a recent conversation with a friend about the Parable of the Unforgiving debtor, I felt compelled to re-read the passage. What I noticed this time was the blank between verse 27 & 28. Verse 27 tells of the Master being filled with pity for the servant & mercifully releasing & forgiving him all that was owed. Verse 28 seems to portray that immediately after the King forgave, the servant went straight to find the fellow servant that owed him.

What was missing in the blank?

Truly accepting being forgiven.

The servant failed to soak in the enormity of his pardon while in the Kings presence. Had he stayed, bowed down before his Master, perhaps his head and his heart would have connected the huge dots that lead to the marvelous picture of being forgiven.

All to often, I fail to bow down before my Masters feet and repent for my sins against him, and then wait…..to hear him say “you are forgiven, my child.” But when I do, the feelings of utter gratitude of his love, grace & mercy overwhelm every part of my mind, soul & spirit and I compelled to WANT to forgive others the way He has and continually forgives me.

I’ve heard it taught that forgiveness isn’t turning a blind eye to the offense (or debt); instead, it’s choosing to pardon (or release) the person from what they owe us. Perhaps it’s that apology that we’ve been waiting for from a parent, or spouse, or friend that never came…. Regardless of what our fellow servant does or does not do, the power to forgive comes from our ability to be forgiven by the ONE who has never offended or sinned against us. It comes from the ONE who was fully God and fully man, who willingly chose to serve those who would ultimately betray Him. It comes from the ONE who suffered separation from His Father to endure all our sins as He hung on the cross. It is from this perfect ONE that we are given the mandate to forgive others 70 x 7 times. He sets this example for us, not to make us weak or to live in a perpetual state of denial, but because He loves us soooo much. He doesn’t want us to live a life in prison- being tortured by our enemy.

During one of my RTF sessions where I was being ministered to in this area of forgiveness, the Lord gave me a vision of myself. I was standing in a prison cell- longing to break free. When I finally chose to speak the words “I forgive _____(whoever it was that had offended/hurt me) Jesus, who was holding the keys, unlocked the door and swung it wide open. There I was, faced with the opportunity to walk into freedom. I could either choose to forgive completely, from my heart, or choose to continue to be bitter towards the person I had just forgiven from my head. I could stay in prison, being tortured by the enemy, or I could forgive, from my heart, & follow Jesus out.

Forgiveness is an act of the obedience- we don’t always feel like we want to forgive. When we find ourselves at that place, we need to engage our will and choose to bow before the Master & repent. After He forgives us, we need to let Him fill in the blank……& not get up immediately. After being released from the Master, we’ll willingly choose to walk out of the prison of unforgiveness & forgive others, from our hearts.

Bend & Sway

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(originally posted on The Bullard Pack blog on 2/25/11)

As I sat drinking my cup of coffee this morning, peering out the living room window I saw the effects of the winds approaching from the east. A storm was coming. The mighty oaks and the spindly pines began to bend and say, bend and sway from the pressure of the winds.
Immediately, my mind began to wander to the storm of life that our family has been in the midst of the last 5 months. Although this weather disturbance hasn’t been extremely severe, it has been a storm nonetheless. We all experience storms in our life- Jesus warns us of this in John 16:33, “in this world, you will have trouble…..” but He also makes us a promise: “but take heart, because I have overcome the world!”
A few minutes later, I picked up my bible to begin my daily reading plan. When I turned to the assigned chapter, I chuckled. God is so into the details of all our lives- which is utterly amazing to me. My groggy thoughts about an impending storm were not coincidental as my eyes gazed upon the theme of Psalm 29, “God reveals his great power in nature. We can trust God to give us both the peace and the strength to weather the storms of life.”
In October, 2010, my husband called me in the middle of the day to break the news…..the conversation went something like this: “Hey baby…..” “Hey honey…..you’ve been laid off, haven’t you?” “Yep- just a few minutes ago.” “Well, ok….we felt that God was preparing us for this…..and He’ll see us through. Still- I know this is going to be difficult for you….. I’m sorry.” Two weeks later, my husband was officially unemployed. Thankfully, his company did give us a severance package and benefits for 6 months.
The transition from full-time working outside the house husband/father to an at-home husband/father/searching for a job/ principal of our home school was a difficult one, at first. As all 6 of us struggled to fall into our new daily routine, there were moments of friction! Fortunately, at this season of our marriage, Doug and I have learned how to honestly communicate with one another about our expectations and how we feel about any given situation. We quickly realized that our expectations of each other weren’t matching up! So, we had to come up w/ a new game plan. Now our team is running towards the goal line-together, instead of blocking each other on every yard!
During this same time, Doug came to me with the topic for this year’s Marriage Conference. Stunned, I sat listening to him pour out what he felt God had laid on his heart months before. In mid sentence, I interrupted him and said that I needed to confess that when he began talking, a wave of pride and jealousy began emerging in my spirit towards him. I was offended that he had not “chosen” the topic that I had been working on! A moment later, though, God whispered….”Jodie…THIS is what I want to share w/ my people….…..” How could I argue with that? I chose to submit to Doug’s vision for the teaching portion of the conference, and I now whole-heartedly believe that the topic IS what God wants to share with His people that weekend.
In November, we felt it was the right time to turn our calling into a non-profit ministry. We’ve been serving other married couples for nearly 10 years, but in the last year or so, we had really felt that God was showing us that eventually, He would take us into full time ministry in that area. And so, began the pain staking process of paperwork and approval from the state and an EXCESSIVE amount of paperwork to obtain tax-exempt status from the federal government. We are so very grateful that dear friends have and continue to help us chart this unknown course in order to obtain all the necessary documents, etc.
 We made it through the holidays, enjoying Doug being home to share in all the festivities of the season. We did, however experience some Griswold family moments, but I won’t go into detail about that here!!!!
Doug had 1 call back about a job posting, which he interviewed for. However, he didn’t get the position.
In January we received 2 unexpected gifts…a family trip to Myrtle Beach, SC and a cash donation to Doug and me to continue to pursue our calling. We were overwhelmed by the generosity of others and felt completely undeserving. Yet, we also were aware that this was God’s way of showing us in a tangible way that He was our provider and that His calling was NOT a fluke- regardless of how the enemy was beginning to question us in that regard.
Later that month, Doug followed the advice of two of our mentors and signed both of us up to complete thorough sessions with Restoring the Foundations. http://rtfi.org/ To say I was reluctant is an understatement. I voiced my concerns regarding the HUGE cost to our wallets multiple times- but eventually relented and submitted to Doug’s leadership decision (do you see a recurring wrong attitude here??? PTL that He is continuing to work on me in this area!). His ministry session was first. I was completely unaware how greatly his unwillingness to share his experience would affect me. Upon his return, all hell broke loose in my spirit- literally, and my mouth attacked him with such harshness that I am embarrassed to give the details of it. At the end of my rant, through sobbing tears my mind snapped and I shouted “ I don’t even know why I am so upset and screaming at you like this…I feel like I’m having an out of body experience.” Exactly. The enemy was so threatened by the healing that took place in Doug’s life and he was scared at the prospect that the same would come to me, that the only way he could destroy us was to bring division between Doug and I. After a lot of tears and crying out to God for forgiveness,  I apologized to Doug and told him that although it was difficult for me to understand, I knew that his not sharing what he had experienced was sacrificial for me to be able to go through my ministry experience with no pre-conceived ideas or barriers. His wisdom and self-control was, in the end a HUGE blessing to me. To say our lives have been forever changed just doesn’t seem adequate to describe the healing, forgiveness, comfort and encouragement that we received individually, and as a couple. We are so grateful that God led us, through others, to restore the foundations of our lives. We are in the process of completing more RTF modules and we hope to one day be able to minister, through RTF to other married couples.
It is now February, and Doug has “0” job leads. Daily, we continue to bend and sway between total faith in God’s plan for our future and fear that we may run out of that little green paper in our bank accounts, which could force us to lose our home or our possessions. Still, as we stand facing the wind, we are grateful that our roots are continuing to go deeper into the soil of Truth, trusting in the One who designed us to bend and sway amidst this storm.
Update:
We are STILL unemployed & STILL have much to be grateful for: A God that loves us, a fabulous marriage, 4 little blessings (our children!),  a thriving home-school, a ministry that we are passionate about,  our home, food on the table, and supportive (spiritually, financially & emotionally) family, friends & church family.
– Jodie

Roots

/ Jodie / Leave a comment
(Originally posted on The Bullard Pack blog on 5/19/10) 
Our girls and I have been studying Apologia Science: Botany for the past several months, and I must admit, classifying plants is not the most exciting topic of learning for me! Last week we read and discussed the function and need of roots for plants and trees. Like everything that God has created, they have a purpose.
Without roots, plants, trees, flowers and the like would not obtain the water and nutrition they need to sustain growth. They would also constantly be at the mercy of the elements. Rain would soak the ground and wash them away. Wind would blow them over, even, perhaps transporting them to another location. And without a firm base, or foundation within the soul beneath them, the plant would simply cease to exist.
On a recent hike with my husband up to Linville Falls, we made our way over and around several roots that had grown over the walking trails. My mind began bringing back the reasons why roots continue to reach out and grow wherever they can, whether it be deep beneath the earth, on top of the ground, or over existing trees, plants or other roots. Suffice to say, roots are relentless in their pursuit of growth. If their roots stop growing, they die.
Roots. What are my roots? Whom or what sustains me? Who is my strength when the elements of life overtake me? Where do I draw my nourishment from?
Although I have known about God for pretty much my entire life, I never really knew Him until I became an adult. I remember, sitting on our bed, 9 months pregnant with our first child when the floodgates opened in my soul. Through the sobbing and tears, I confessed to my husband that I didn’t think God could love me. I had turned my back on Him, and done so many sinful things that I knew He couldn’t forgive them all. In fact, I couldn’t even forgive myself. As my husband held me, he whispered “God loves you Jodie….all you have to do is ask for forgiveness, and He will give it to you. Ask Him to be your Savior” After a few rounds with the box of Kleenex, I did, and as they say, the rest is history……………
As I look back on the past decades of my life, I cringe at how, at times, my relationship with God has been so lukewarm. Only in the last few years have I really begun to develop deep roots in my life as a follower of Christ. Thank the Lord that through prayer and persistence and patience I have gradually, over time, immersed myself in the rich soil of God’s love and will for my life. I finally began getting up before the sun rises (did I mention that I HATE mornings? J) to read the Word and pray. I finally began praying for people when they asked me to (sometimes at that moment, in front of them!). I finally began sharing my failures with others, in order to encourage them in their faith in Jesus Christ. I finally became intentional about teaching our children about God and His love. For years I prayed for God to give me the desire to do all these things, and slowly, over time, He did. Of course, I had to actually get up and DO some of them, even when I didn’t (and still don’t!) feel like it.
Now that I have developed some roots, does that mean I’m done growing? Of course not! Even if I become a  giant redwood with roots as thick as a truck, it doesn’t mean I stop replenishing, maintaining, and feeding the soil in which I live in. In order to live a blessed life in which God will one day say “well done, my good and faithful servant,” (Matthew 25:23) I must continue to find sustenance  in God’s Word, stability in His Spirit and forgiveness in His Son. For without them, I will surely die. Maybe not a physical death- yet, but a spiritual one, and that, my friend is much worse.
– Jodie