Joy

In Secret

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Matthew 6:5-6

5 “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 6 But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

I began praying in the synagogue (sanctuary) long before I ever started praying in my inner room. Back then, I was plagued with the fear of being exposed or criticized when praying with a small group of people, so I remained silent, content to be a voyeur. Prayer is an intensely intimate conversation with the Creator of the Universe and honestly, I wanted to control how deeply I related to Him- and His children.

After years of being encouraged by church leaders, I finally forced myself to devote some time in my very busy schedule to talk to God and read His Word on my own. I’ll admit, that even though I was submitted to these daily disciplines, I didn’t particularly enjoy them. The desire to want to go away in secret not only to talk to God, but also hear Him speak through His spoken and written Word took years to emerge.

“Jesus did not say- dream about thy Father in secret, but pray to thy Father in secret. Prayer is an effort of will….the great battle in private prayers is the overcoming of mental wool-gathering. We have to discipline our minds and concentrate on willful prayer”

-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

IMG_4389Almost a decade later, I finally created a space in our master bedroom where I could go away, shut the door, lock it (remember, we have 4 children!!!) and pray to my Father in secret. Since then, that inner room has become a refuge, a safe place for me to pour out my anger, grief, joy, fear, gratitude, frustration, and worship to my Savior. Now, when I get up and get started on my very busy schedule without going there, my soul knows it…. and yearns to retreat back.

Prayer is a lifeline to the heart of the Father. Just as Jake Sully, in the movie Avatar had to learn to “connect” to Eywa (their god), we must learn to be still and connect to the one true God in order to know Him. Otherwise, we’ll never be able to love Him, love others, or go make disciples.

Do you have an inner room? When’s the last time you went there, closed the door and prayed to your Father in secret?

Idol in My Hand

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Isaiah 44

18 Such stupidity and ignorance!
 Their eyes are closed, and they cannot see.
 Their minds are shut, and they cannot think.

19 The person who made the idol never stops to reflect,
  “Why, it’s just a block of wood!
 I burned half of it for heat
 and used it to bake my bread and roast my meat.
How can the rest of it be a god?
    Should I bow down to worship a piece of wood?”

20 The poor, deluded fool feeds on ashes.
 He trusts something that can’t help him at all.
Yet he cannot bring himself to ask,
    “Is this idol that I’m holding in my hand a lie?”

Recently, the Lord asked me to fast social media- again. A week into the elimination of checking news feeds, notifications, friend and follower requests, ministry and blog stats, I realized something extraordinary….joy had returned to the munIMG_4342dane tasks of my life! I had previously assumed I knew God’s reason for the fast, but I now know I was once again leaning on my own understanding….and believing a lie.

The truth, which He illuminated in His Word today exposed an idol that I had been holding in my hand; my cell phone, with its many social networking apps.

Throughout my journey as a disciple of Jesus and leader of other followers, I’ve tried diligently to find my love, worth and acceptance from God alone. Unfortunately, there have been times in which I’ve been deceived into believing the number of followers, likes on our page, “friends,” or comments on my blogs is an indicator of how much I am loved and how “successful” I am in leading others. Without even consciously realizing it, I have been a poor deluded fool. I have feed on ashes, by measuring a block of wood, drawing a pattern on it, carving it into a human figure (Isaiah 44:13) and continuing to worship it.

Jesus wasn’t concerned with being liked by “friends,” networking to obtain more followers, holding larger fish and loaves conferences, or writing #trendy blog posts. His life focus was entirely about loving God & surrendering His will in complete obedience to Him. By doing so, His soul was filled to overflowing with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galations 5:22-23). You see, Jesus felt loved, worthy and accepted by His Father- regardless of how others adored…or hated Him.

Through no effort of His own, Jesus became a famous preacher, teacher, healer and “friend” of many…..yet He always, always, always diverted His praise to the One in which it was due; the Creator of the Universe, the Creator of man and woman, the Creator of me, the Creator of my “ministry.”

“If it is only because of my preaching that people desire to be better, they will never get anywhere near Jesus Christ. Anything that flatters me in my preaching of the Gospel will end in making me a traitor to Jesus; I prevent the creative power of His Redemption from doing its work.”

-Oswald Chamber, My Utmost for His Highest

Father, thank you for ever so gently exposing the lie of the enemy in my soul. Obliterate my pride. Destroy the idol that I have created. Teach me to look to you alone to fill me. Help me to lay down my life for others– regardless if they adore me or hate me, just as your Son did. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness. Amen

Do What They Say

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Hebrews 13:17

17 Obey your spiritual leaders, and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit.

IMG_4126Last week, our family embarked on our first ever class 1 and 2 white water rafting adventure in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. During the bus ride down to the river, our guides gave us a short (and I do mean SHORT) lesson on paddling in order to navigate safely down the 8 mile stretch of water -and how to avoid going overboard. When we arrived at the waters edge and climbed into the rubber boat, I assumed 1 of the 3 guides would continue with their instruction, instead, they shoved us into the water and we were quickly on our way! Since my husband was the only one out of the six of us who had previously experienced white water rafting, we unanimously elected him captain in order to navigate us down the Lehigh River.

As my fear began to rise, feeling extremely unprepared to venture into uncharted waters, I began paddling like a mad woman- completely ignoring my husband’s directions. As some of our children followed my lead, chaos quickly erupted and we all began struggling against one another- and the rapids. In the midst of pandemonium, however, I heard that still small voice tell me to STOP and obey the voice of my leader….

After I took a deep breath, and began paddling at Doug’s command (and the children followed suit) our boat began floating along, almost effortlessly down the river….and all of us were able to enjoy the ride.

The same struggle to successfully maneuver through the uncharted waters of life often occurs within my marriage and family. I am quick to see the whitewater emerging around the bend and the dangerous rocks that loom beneath the surface of the deep that threaten to overturn us. What I often fail to realize, however, is that my captain (husband) has a different vantage point, and ultimately, he is responsible to God for how he chooses to navigate. My responsibility is simply to trust God and *obey my captains directions as we journey down the river together. As an engaged co-captain, I should be able to relay any potential warnings to my captain, but ultimately, I must learn to let go of my fears and leave the navigating to him. Sure, there will be times when he doesn’t lead wisely, but he’s human- and bound to make a few mistakes. And yes, since we are in the same boat, I may get splashed by the waves, or hit a few boulders, or perhaps even get tossed overboard, but…..if I continue to trust God, and submit my will to His, I will be able to enjoy the ride- despite the raging waters beneath me.

 

*I would not obey my husband’s directions if he was deliberately engaging in sin- or asking me to do the same.

18

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 Proverbs 18

Unfriendly people care only about themselves;   they lash out at common sense.

2 Fools have no interest in understanding;    they only want to air their own opinions.

3 Doing wrong leads to disgrace,  and scandalous behavior brings contempt.

4 Wise words are like deep waters;   wisdom flows from the wise like a bubbling brook.

5 It is not right to acquit the guilty   or deny justice to the innocent.

6 Fools’ words get them into constant quarrels;    they are asking for a beating.

7 The mouths of fools are their ruin;    they trap themselves with their lips.

8 Rumors are dainty morsels   that sink deep into one’s heart.

9 A lazy person is as bad as    someone who destroys things.

10 The name of the Lord is a strong fortress;   the godly run to him and are safe.

11 The rich think of their wealth as a strong defense;    they imagine it to be a high wall of safety.

12 Haughtiness goes before destruction;    humility precedes honor.

13 Spouting off before listening to the facts   is both shameful and foolish.

14 The human spirit can endure a sick body,    but who can bear a crushed spirit?

15 Intelligent people are always ready to learn.   Their ears are open for knowledge.

16 Giving a gift can open doors; it gives access to important people!

17 The first to speak in court sounds right—  until the cross-examination begins.

18 Flipping a coin can end arguments;    it settles disputes between powerful opponents.

19 An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city.  Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

20 Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.

21 The tongue can bring death or life;    those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

22 The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,   and he receives favor from the Lord.

23 The poor plead for mercy;    the rich answer with insults.

24 There are “friends” who destroy each other,   but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Yesterday, on the 18th day of May, Doug and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. IMG_1830Mid morning, as we sat on the back deck, sipping our cups of coffee, Doug read Proverbs 18 aloud. I began to chuckle as I recalled the years we’ve spent together and how Solomon’s words of wisdom so aptly applied to our lives….

During the first five or so years of our marriage, we were both unfriendly people. Our constant quarreling proved we cared only about ourselves. I, for one, aired my opinion much to frequently and my mouth was my ruin on many occasions. I had absolutely NO interest in understanding my husband – or my God.

Through the years we’ve since learned how hard it is to win back one another’s trust and affection after an offense. We’ve realized that wise words, spoken at the right time, can satisfy the soul. We’ve also discovered that God honors humility and it is the key to resolution and restoration in a relationship.

In the two decades we’ve known one another, we’ve experienced joy and grief, happiness and despair, life and death….but the greatest experiences we’ve known are the ones in which we have seen and felt the presence of God. For without Him, there would be no marriage. Without Him, there would be no love. Without Him, there would be no possible way for one man and one woman to become one flesh after living together for 18 years!

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Cleanse Me

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Psalm 19:12-14

12 How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
 Cleanse me from these hidden faults.

13 Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
    Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
    and innocent of great sin.

14 May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
    O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

There’s a common misconception among those who visit our home. Repeatedly we hear “your house is so CLEAN- how do you keep it that way with 4 kids?!” in which I reply “I like to keep things tidy…but if you look close, you’ll see its not really clean!”

When I was a little girl, I passed over the top of the toilet, sink and shower with my sponge just enough to make it LOOK like I had actually cleaned the bathroom. But my mother wasn’t fooled. She frequently had to make me go back and re-do all of it.

Our kids are the same way. They wipe the surface of the fixtures, but they really don’t scrub them in order to clean all the hidden yuck lurking beneath. Perhaps they just don’t see it. Perhaps they’re too lazy to do the work. Or, perhaps they’d rather get their chore done as quickly as possible to do something more FUN!!! It’s probably all of the above. I should know, because I still do the same thing when it comes to cleaning the master bathroom shower. In fact, I’ve even started asking my husband to clean it for us (he’s a much better detailed cleaner than I am anyway….but really, I just don’t wanna do it!!!)

It’s a similar tactic the enemy uses on me time and time again to keep me from seeing the sins lurking in my heart. Sure, I may “confess” my general sins in order to wipe the surface, but often I’m too lazy to ask God for specifics, so that I may sincerely repent. To be completely honest, most of the time I just don’t feel like allowing Him to expose the yuck. It’s much easier to ignore it or blame someone else for the dirt- and try to force them to clean it up.

Let’s face it; cleaning the bathroom takes time, effort and a lot of scrubbing. But, when the hidden yuck is removed and the surface begins to sparkle like diamonds it can finally be used – and enjoyed – for its intended purpose.

If I truly want God to cleanse me I must be willing to invest the time and effort for the Holy Spirit to remove the yuck from my soul….AND I must be willing to crucify my flesh and submit my will to His. Only then will love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control shine like the Son on the surface of my life.

1 John 1:9-10

9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for the yuck to build back up in the bathroom….so I need to keep the cleaning bucket ready for touch up cleans, as well as the regularly scheduled deep cleans that are required. The same is true for my soul; cleansing isn’t a one-time event- it’s an ongoing, life long process.

Bountiful Harvest

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Galatians 5:16-26

16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.

19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

My mother-in-law spent the last few weeks teaching our children how to plan, prepare and plant a garden. Much time and energy was spent discovering the best way to cultivate the seeds in order to produce optimum growth. After all, the sole purpose of our garden is to reap a bountiful harvest of fruit and vegetables for the Bullard Pack!

Galatians 6:9

9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Now we’re in the waiting phase….

Each day the sun shines down on the seeds buried beneath the soil. If God doesn’t send water, the kids send it through a watering can!

Tick tock, tick tock….hurry up and wait.

Although it may appear as if nothing is happening, God is forming, nurturing and sustaining the seed below ground. This first stage of growth is crucial. If the seed does not receive the water, sun and nutrients it needs in order to survive, it will never sprout or produce a harvest.

God is doing the same thing in me. In the seclusion of our master bedroom, hidden away from the rest of the world, I sit each day, soaking in the light of His Word and life giving water of His Spirit. Just like a seed, I must continually die to myself (my sinful nature) so that He can produce a great harvest for His Kingdom.

The work below the surface is hard- and sometimes painful. No one is there to encourage or praise or acknowledge my process of dying. It is the place where I come face to face with my pride and where I must choose to surrender my wants, my dreams, my rights to the One who formed me, chose me, planted me and sustains me.

Gardening is hard work (which is why I was more than happy to let Grandmom handle this project!) and so is growing in the Lord. But, once you develop the habit of reading His Word and surrendering your will to the power of His Spirit, one day you will be amazed at how He has produced love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in you.

Honor God with your Body

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1 Corinthians 6:9-11

9 Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Since the creation of man & woman, the enemy has lied to God’s children and their doubt of the Almighty’s goodness has resulted in their choosing to sin against Him. Sin is sin, there is no “ranking”  in God’s word about which is the worst. But, there are several warnings listed about the severity of sexual sin and how it affects the individual and the ones in whom he/she is in relationship.

I know this all too well, for I did not heed the warnings. Not only did I believe in my mind that I had the “right” to do such things, my emotions confirmed the deceit that doing what felt good in the moment would fill the void of love, acceptance and worthiness that I so desperately craved. Decision after decision to disobey God’s commands drowned out the whisper of the Holy Spirit to RUN FROM ALL SEXUAL SIN until eventually, I no longer heard Him speak. My mind and emotions had convinced my will to surrender to the wooing of the enemy.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20

12 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 14 And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”[d]17 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

For years I allowed my flesh to be the lord of my life and slowly my experiences plunged me into a deep dark depression which tempted me to just run away from it all- permanently.

I was robbed of the joy of living and everything I held dear had either been stolen, killed or almost completely destroyed. Not only was my relationship with my Heavenly Father broken, but so was my relationship with my spouse. Oneness had always eluded us.

Fed up & desperate for change, I finally surrendered to the only One who could rescue me from the pit.

Psalm 103:1-5

1 Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The first choice I had to make towards being made right with God was to call on the name of the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit for help. Then I had to be willing to acknowledging all the deep dark secrets that had been locked away from myself and others for so many years. Only then was I able to force my will to confess & repent to God, confess and repent to my husband and confess to others who helped me through the process of cleansing.

1 John 1:9

9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

As a daughter in the Kingdom of God who has received a rich inheritance I can tell you that there is only ONE WAY to obtain the love, acceptance and worthiness your soul was made to crave. Don’t be fooled by the lies of the enemy to engage in sexual sin. Jesus is the ONLY way, the ONLY Truth and the ONLY life. And He is the ONLY One who can truly set you free from the bondage of sexual sin so that you may once again honor God with your body.

John 8:36

36 So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.