Love

I Don’t Love My Husband

/ Jodie / 2 Comments

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

I don’t love my husband. At least, not in every way mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

After a recent conflict filled conversation with my groom, I retreated to my secret place to ask God “why am I so irritated with this man!?” The answer was swift and clear: although some of my expectations of him were accurate according to scripture…most of them were self-centered. In short, during our discussion, I was continually demanding my own way.

Grrrrrr……

Then, ever so sweetly, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me (again!) that the deepest, purest, holiest and most complete love is always available from my Father. And when I engage in an intimate relationship with Him, all my expectations are met.

The love chapter was declared at our wedding 18 years ago and I’ve read this passage hundreds of times. But today, fresh revelation breathed life into the words penned by Paul. The majority of this section of scripture talks not about what love is, but how we try to manufacture it by what we do. How many times have I been caught up in the vicious cycle of serving others, instead of loving my husband? How many times have I spoken in unknown languages, prophesied, had great faith and given to the poor, but not loved the man I pledged to love for richer and for poorer, whether or not he met all my expectations, or showed love in return? My noisy gongs and clanging cymbals are far too numerous to count.

Let’s be honest. It’s easier to do things for our friends, family, or those in the body of Christ to remove our feelings of guilt or to fulfill our deep desire to be loved, feel important, worthy or needed. It’s difficult however, to invest our time, talents and treasure into our second most important relationship on this earth; our marriage, because loving our spouse largely goes unnoticed by them or others, and we are rarely praised for our efforts. Yet, if we’ll just be still for a moment each day to know and be consumed by the One who is love, we’ll realize that it “is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.” Then, when we surrender to His will, the Spirit will produce fruit that will enable us to love our spouse without giving up, or losing faith, and we will always be hopeful as we endure every circumstance….’till death do us part.

IMG_4385I don’t want to love my husband like a selfish child. Instead, I want to put away childish speech, thoughts, and reasoning so that I can submit to my groom out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:21-24

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

More

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Genesis 37:3-4
3 Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe.[b] 4 But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him.

Joseph’s brothers hated him because their dad continually showed more love for their little brother- not them.

It happens all too frequently in family, between siblings, in marriage, among friends, and even in the church. We blame another person as a result of feeling rejected by the one we wanted to love us… more.

All of us are heart wired to be loved. God designed us that way. We come into this world screaming for attention from our father and mother. If our heart isn’t filled, we’ll throw a hissy fit, disobey, or do whatever it takes to be noticed. Add a sibling to the mix and the desire seems to increase- exponentially!

Left unsatisfied, our broken heart eventually falls prey to the tactics of the enemy. As a result, we unknowingly begin to form a hardened heart, which blames everyone around us, except for the person who didn’t love us….more.

If our wounded heart is left unattended for too long, we inevitably begin to hurt others, lie and cause overwhelming grief to the ones closest to us.

Genesis 37:23-35
23 So when Joseph arrived, his brothers ripped off the beautiful robe he was wearing. 24 Then they grabbed him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it. 25 Then, just as they were sitting down to eat, they looked up and saw a caravan of camels in the distance coming toward them. It was a group of Ishmaelite traders taking a load of gum, balm, and aromatic resin from Gilead down to Egypt.
26 Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain by killing our brother? We’d have to cover up the crime.[a] 27 Instead of hurting him, let’s sell him to those Ishmaelite traders. After all, he is our brother—our own flesh and blood!” And his brothers agreed. 28 So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces[b] of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.
29 Some time later, Reuben returned to get Joseph out of the cistern. When he discovered that Joseph was missing, he tore his clothes in grief. 30 Then he went back to his brothers and lamented, “The boy is gone! What will I do now?”
31 Then the brothers killed a young goat and dipped Joseph’s robe in its blood. 32 They sent the beautiful robe to their father with this message: “Look at what we found. Doesn’t this robe belong to your son?”
33 Their father recognized it immediately. “Yes,” he said, “it is my son’s robe. A wild animal must have eaten him. Joseph has clearly been torn to pieces!” 34 Then Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. 35 His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep.

The only cure to release the toxin of hatred that forms in our hearts is to throw ourselves down at the throne of Grace. When the King of Kings begins to perform healing heart surgery and shines His light through the damaged areas of our soul, we begin to see that those we were jealous of and spent a great deal of energy hating weren’t the ones who originally caused us pain. Occasionally, the Holy Spirit may even make a deep incision, revealing that we have blamed Our Creator. Whether we consciously think about it or not, in the recesses of our heart, sometimes we find it difficult to understand how a loving God would allow us to be hurt by those He placed in our lives to love and protect us. Blame God? No way. That’s just not right. God is perfect, sovereign, holy, righteous, blameless….
Yeah, He is. But that doesn’t mean that our imperfect hearts don’t wanna point the finger at the One in charge. We’re sinners, after all, who often lean toward the selfish and self-serving desires rather than the chosen, redeemed, restored heart of a saint. Yet, knowing this, God in his loving kindness still beckons us not to deny our feelings or hide our brokenness in an empty cistern. IMG_4310Instead, He calls us to pour out our complaints so that He can show us His perspective, His truth, His love.

Psalm 142:1-2
1 I cry out to the Lord;
 I plead for the Lord’s mercy.
2 I pour out my complaints before him
 and tell him all my troubles.

And miraculously, once we confess, repent and forgive, we are able to receive more unfailing love from Our Father than all the grain in Pharaoh’s storehouses.

Ephesians 3:18
18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.

Knowing Christ

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Philippians 3:1-10

Whatever happens, my dear brothers and sisters,[a] rejoice in the Lord. I never get tired of telling you these things, and I do it to safeguard your faith.

2 Watch out for those dogs, those people who do evil, those mutilators who say you must be circumcised to be saved. 3 For we who worship by the Spirit of God[b] are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, 4 though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!

5 I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. 6 I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.

7 I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ.[c] For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death.

I was a member of the Pharisees who demanded the strictest obedience to the law- of myself. Although my actions seemed honorable, I tried to obey His commandments…. my hearts motivation was completely wrong. Essentially, what I was really doing was attempting to manipulate God into believing that I loved Him, so He would bless me. I was a Christian in name only, for my will had absolutely no intention of being crucified with Christ.

I, like Paul, once thought obeying the law was valuable. But when I began to encounter God in a supernatural way, I realized that everything- everything I had attempted to do, in my own strength, was absolute garbage. Love. God’s love is the key to knowing Christ.

IMG_4382My love for Christ began to blossom when I started to regularly read God’s Word, worship Him in Spirit and in Truth, and communicate with Him any time, any place, about any thing. One aspect of my prayer life that has absolutely revolutionized my relationship with Jesus is simply this: I ask Him, “Lord…I need you…please show me where you are….” (Remember, God is omnipresent, so He is always with us- whether we realize it or not). When I can see him (by the Spirit), my heart is overwhelmed with love for the One who gave His life for me. If I’m angry, frustrated, burdened, worried, scared, hurt, feeling lonely, betrayed, inadequate, unloved….I can run to Him, and He will gather me up in His arms each and every time. As I stay with Him, He’ll whisper words of love, identity and purpose to me. Sometimes He’ll even rebuke me- but it is always, always for my good. In His arms I am free to forgive and be forgiven. In His embrace I find shelter from the storms of life and promises for tomorrow. In the shadow of His wings, I fear Him alone.

Then, a miraculous exchange occurs: He tells me how to love Him

John 14:15

15 “If you love me, obey[a] my commandments.

and my heart melts, wanting nothing else than to surrender my will to His. And in that moment, I become righteous through faith in the One who loved me so much, that He surrendered His will to the Father to give His life for me.

Childlike

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Matthew 11:25-26

25 At that time Jesus prayed this prayer: “O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. 26 Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way!

IMG_3765While sitting at Holden Beach, NC with some ladies from a ONE Flesh Small Group this weekend, I savored the sound of the crashing waves, the coolness of the wind blowing on my face and the softness of the sand enveloping my feet.

Not content to just sit at the beach, however, I finally got up and followed one of my friends, who was strolling along the waters edge, searching for unique seashells that had made their way to the coastline.

On the final day of our stay, I followed another friend who wanted to go swimming, into the cool Atlantic water. Afraid to completely immerse myself in the ocean because of an emerging head cold, I chose to stay in the shallows so that I could keep my head and shoulders above the water. But, as I continued to watch my friend catch wave after wave and float all the way to the shoreline I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out on something….

There was no fear in her, no worry, no anxiousness of being overcome by the waves. She acted so childlike; overflowing with joy….peace….fullness of life.

As I was relaying these beach adventures to my husband last night, he wisely replied, “kind of symbolic of our relationship with God, huh?”

Yep.

Some of us are so wise and clever:

-content to sit on the beach and just look at God.

-content to walk along the shoreline with His Son to get our feet wet from time to time…. when we want something.

-content to jump into the waves for a swim, but quickly high tail it back to the beach when a massive wave of His Spirit threatens to overcome us.

And some of us are so childlike in our pursuit of God:

-wanting to soak in Our Father’s love

-wanting to be consumed by the presence of His Spirit

-wanting to become more and more like His Son.

Fortunately, there’s hope for us who are wise and clever! God promises to reveal His truth to us….IF we turn from our sins, become like a little child, and obey Him.

Matthew 18:2-4

2 Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. 3 Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. 4 So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

“All God’s revelations are sealed until they are opened to us by obedience. You will never get them open by philosophy or thinking. Immediately you obey, a flash of light comes. Let God’s truth work in you by soaking in it, not by worrying into it….God will never reveal more truth about Himself until you have obeyed what you know already. Beware of becoming “wise and prudent.’” –Oswald Chambers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc

In Secret

/ Jodie / 2 Comments

Matthew 6:5-6

5 “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 6 But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

I began praying in the synagogue (sanctuary) long before I ever started praying in my inner room. Back then, I was plagued with the fear of being exposed or criticized when praying with a small group of people, so I remained silent, content to be a voyeur. Prayer is an intensely intimate conversation with the Creator of the Universe and honestly, I wanted to control how deeply I related to Him- and His children.

After years of being encouraged by church leaders, I finally forced myself to devote some time in my very busy schedule to talk to God and read His Word on my own. I’ll admit, that even though I was submitted to these daily disciplines, I didn’t particularly enjoy them. The desire to want to go away in secret not only to talk to God, but also hear Him speak through His spoken and written Word took years to emerge.

“Jesus did not say- dream about thy Father in secret, but pray to thy Father in secret. Prayer is an effort of will….the great battle in private prayers is the overcoming of mental wool-gathering. We have to discipline our minds and concentrate on willful prayer”

-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

IMG_4389Almost a decade later, I finally created a space in our master bedroom where I could go away, shut the door, lock it (remember, we have 4 children!!!) and pray to my Father in secret. Since then, that inner room has become a refuge, a safe place for me to pour out my anger, grief, joy, fear, gratitude, frustration, and worship to my Savior. Now, when I get up and get started on my very busy schedule without going there, my soul knows it…. and yearns to retreat back.

Prayer is a lifeline to the heart of the Father. Just as Jake Sully, in the movie Avatar had to learn to “connect” to Eywa (their god), we must learn to be still and connect to the one true God in order to know Him. Otherwise, we’ll never be able to love Him, love others, or go make disciples.

Do you have an inner room? When’s the last time you went there, closed the door and prayed to your Father in secret?

Your Will, Not Mine

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Luke 11:5-13

5 Then, teaching them more about prayer, he used this story: “Suppose you went to a friend’s house at midnight, wanting to borrow three loaves of bread. You say to him, 6 ‘A friend of mine has just arrived for a visit, and I have nothing for him to eat.’ 7 And suppose he calls out from his bedroom, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is locked for the night, and my family and I are all in bed. I can’t help you.’ 8 But I tell you this—though he won’t do it for friendship’s sake, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistence.[a]

9 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

11 “You fathers—if your children ask[b] for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? 12 Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! 13 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.”

Jesus taught His disciples the importance of being persistent in prayer so that they could obtain what they needed. Often times, when this disciple doesn’t get the answer I want, I respond like a self-centered child by throwing a hissy fit…and then I just stop talking to God altogether. Of course, that never brings about the desired result of getting my own way, all it does is separate me from the One who holds the keys to what I need to receive, find, or be opened to in the Spirit.

IMG_4382There are three items on my prayer list right now that I’ve been asking the Lord about for years. YEARS. One, in particular, He has remained silent on……I’m continuing to ask Him about it, but recently, my prayers have shifted from me stomping my foot, demanding an answer (right NOW!!!), to me demanding my will to submit to His. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, my focus has miraculously become less about the prayer that I want answered and more about the One who answers my prayers. Jesus modeled this most humbly, as he faced impending death on a cross:

Matthew 26:39

39 He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

On another prayer request, I’ve received an answer in the form of a promise. Since then, I’ve continued asking Him to confirm what I believe I heard through His Word- and others. As my doubt has begun to evaporate, transforming into faith the size of a mustard seed, I keep knocking, declaring “may Your Kingdom come, may Your will be done!”

Matthew 6:9-10

9 Pray like this: Our Father in heaven,
 may your name be kept holy.

10 May your Kingdom come soon.
 May your will be done on earth,
 as it is in heaven.

My final request has become a daily act of obedience. God, in His infinite wisdom continues to give me the manna I need to survive –just for the day. Realizing that He made me to be a planner, He knows that what I need (before He answers), is to know how to trust and follow His plan for my life. Just as with the other two requests, He is teaching me to submit my wants, my will to Him, so that I can learn how to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. After all, that is what my prayers should be about- His will, His purposes, His Kingdom, His power, His glory….not mine.

Afraid of the Dark

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Genesis 1:2

2 The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. 

IMG_4381For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid of the dark. As a little girl, when sleepwalking, I would quickly move towards the nightlights that illuminated certain rooms in our home. As a newly married adult, I installed nightlights in every room of our apartment when my husband worked the night shift so that I could quickly inspect every square foot when I woke in the middle of the night.

Throughout my life I’ve tried plugging in nightlights to the dark areas of my soul. But regardless of how hard I tried to illuminate myself, I was always left feeling empty. In my stubbornness & pride, I attempted to do what only the Holy Spirit can do; bring light, revelation, comfort & healing to the dark, broken areas. In my efforts to control my fear, I neglected to see that God has and will always be in control of the darkness and His Spirit has and will always hover over the surface of the deep.

I’ve recently learned that when I quit trying to expel the darkness in my own strength, choosing instead to listen to the One who created the heavens and the earth, I do not need to be afraid! For God has called me, by name and said “Jodie, you are mine…when you go through deep waters, I WILL be with you!”

Isaiah 43:1-2

But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
    O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
 I have called you by name; you are mine.

2When you go through deep waters,
 I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
 you will not drown…..

Fear is a powerful tool in the hands of the enemy. It feeds itself by lurking in the shadows of our mind, will and emotions. But, when we trust God and allow His nightlight to penetrate the darkness, we see that our fears were often over exaggerated and distorted in relationship to His Truth. Sometimes, yes, the Truth may hurt, for God has not promised us a life free from suffering. Yet, as we go through the deep waters, our relationship with The Father will become deeper, for we are being transformed into the image of His Son.

“To choose to suffer means that there is something wrong; to choose God’s will even if it means suffering is a very different thing. No healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he chooses God’s will, as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not.”

-Oswald Chambers

Are you afraid of the dark? I want you to know, my friend, that God is more powerful than the one who lives in darkness, more able to plunge into the deep water to save you, and more loving than anyone on this earth can reflect. Believe me when I say, you can trust Him…..so go, sit before Him and ask Him to shine His light on the areas of your life that need to be illuminated.