Marriage

Family Order

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1 Samuel 3:13 New Living Translation (NLT)

13 I have warned him that judgment is coming upon his family forever, because his sons are blaspheming God[a] and he hasn’t disciplined them.

“Don’t let your desire to do God’s work cause you to neglect your family. If you do, your mission may degenerate into a quest for personal importance & your family will suffer the consequences of your neglect.” –Study Bible

If the enemy can’t stop us from accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior, he will stop at nothing to high jack God’s purposes for our lives- especially if they include a spouse & children.Unfortunately, I have often fallen prey to the enemy’s deception…. and re-ordered God’s plans based on how I feel- or how others treat me in regards to them.

My 1st call? God

Jeremiah 1:5 New Living Translation (NLT)

5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.
Before you were born I set you apart…”

Luke 10:27 New Living Translation (NLT)

27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’

God chose me to be His child- before I was even born. He sent His son to die in my place so that I could spend eternity with Him. My response is to love and obey Him. THAT is my life’s purpose- all the rest of my callings are an extension of this one.

My 2nd call? Doug

Genesis 2:24 New International Version (NIV)

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:22 New International Version (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

After God, my relationship with my husband is my most important. In order to be and remain ONE, Doug and I must be- & stay connected spiritually, emotionally & physically. When rightly ordered, my marriage is a beautiful example of Christ giving himself up for the church and the church submitting their will to the Father, just as Jesus did.

 My 3rd call? Our children 

Proverbs 22:6 New Living Translation (NLT)

6 Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it.

This is a difficult one to keep in order for most mom’s. After all, we are the ones who carry these children for 9 months, deliver them, nurse them, spend every waking (& sometimes sleeping!) moment taking care of their every need- and, depending on how the husband/wife roles in the home function, spend a majority of the time training them. I haven’t always gotten this one right, but years ago God corrected me—the family order is: Him, my husband….then our children. Don’t misunderstand me, I love our children – and would give my life for them (in fact, the majority of my days are spent serving them), but my love for my husband is far deeper, far greater, far more powerful than it ever will be for our children. For one day, they too shall leave and cleave…and it will just be he and I, again.

 My 4th call? Home-school

For those of you who know me, you’ve heard me say that I RAN from this one as long as I could! I did NOT want to homeschool our children. But, once I finally submitted to the call, I realized that this call  is just a re-enforcement of the previous one: to train our children in truth, wisdom AND knowledge. Our desire is make Bullard Pack disciples and to help them identify God’s call on their lives-encouraging them to run after God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.

 My 5th call? Married Couples

Matthew 28:19 New Living Translation (NLT)

19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

God has called Doug & I to be transparent with other couples about our failures- and successes. We are to speak God’s truth to them and show them how to apply that truth to their lives, marriages, parenting, etc. Serving the couples God sends to us is an extremely rewarding journey. But, if we aren’t careful, the enemy will use “ministry” to steal our time with God, each other and our children. Again, we have to continual be reminded that God is a God of order- not chaos! “Ministry” is also an area where pride can easily emerge, since others- outside our family tend to praise us in our “accomplishments” more frequently. As with all praise, however- we must quickly give credit where credit is due- to the ONE who gave us the ability.

When I die & stand before my Creator, I do not want to hear, as Eli did, that I neglected my family and the order of His call on my life. Instead, I long to hear “well done, good and faithful servant……..you have run the race (in the lane I put you in)…………you have loved your neighbors (in the order I placed them in; Doug, your children, others)….and you’ve made disciples, baptizing them in My name. Come- worship Me for all eternity and I will reward you for your faithfulness to my call.”

 

 

Root Bound

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1 Timothy 6:10 New Living Translation (NLT)

10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.

This morning, as I was banging the roots of my herb plants on the ground, struggling to separate & pull them apart for transplanting I was reminding of how many times I’ve made fun of my husband and friend who “hear from God” while they work in the garden. And then…I heard from God!

Roots. Bound roots. No longer producing life-giving plants- instead winding further and further into themselves, being held captive by the pot that contains them.

In many marriages, money is one of the top stressors in the relationship. Doug and I have not been immune to the damage the love of money can cause. As newlyweds, we lived the typical American lifestyle. DINK’s my dad called us: Double Income No Kids. We made pretty good money- but I still wanted more, so when my company began offering bonus incentives, I jumped at the chance to become one of the top earners. Still, our output was greater than our input and deeper and deeper we wound ourselves into debt.

Wanna new car? Sure- just get a car loan!

Wanna go to the mall for some retail therapy? Absolutely- just apply for a store card!

Wanna new surround sound system? Why not? We can take a little out of saving to pay for it!

Wanna take a vacation? No problem- they take credit cards there!

Wanna buy another round of drinks for our buddies at the bar? Start a tab- we can pay for it….later!

Wanna buy a new house to put all our “stuff” in? Just borrow some more money- this time, we don’t have to pay it back for 30 years!

Wanna buy some new furniture to fill up that new house? Take out another loan- 2 years, same as cash, no money down!

After all- we worked hard…didn’t we deserve all this?

We lived in this cycle of entitlement for far too many years. During that time we also engaged in far too many arguments about it and far too many blame games went on as well.

So what changed? We began obeying God in the area of our finances.

1)   We starting giving to the church (notice I said “giving”- not “tithing”…we had to work our way up to the 10%, then 10% of our gross income because we were concerned that we couldn’t live without all those Benjamin’s every month)

2)   Then came the tough part- at least for me….allowing God to show me that I wasn’t worshipping Him…but my “stuff.” I justified my wants as needs. So, in order to put things back in their proper order, we had to:

-sell our car

-stop taking trips to the mall

-stop going to the bars with our friends (really, they weren’t our “friends” anyhow…and eliminating all the drunken festivities not only eliminated some of our overspending…it also eliminated other kinds of evil that came along with it)

-take no more vacations (that weren’t saved for)

-stop “retail therapy” at Target or Bed Bath & Beyond…

-turn off cable TV (no more HGTV, TLC, Food Network!!)

-stop going out on costly date nights

-stop scheduling massages, manicures, pedicures….

-stop getting my hair colored!!!

For years this went on- especially after we went down to ONE income and 4 kids! These eliminations more often happened in my mind, before they went into action, as I struggled to compare myself with other families, and what I thought our kids would be doing “without.”

-no private preschool

-no elite sports teams or dance classes for the kids

-no professional photographers snapping pictures of our beautiful babies

-no shopping at the hoity toy tie stores in the mall for the latest fashions for our little ones

-no birthday party bashes at the skating rink, bowling alley, indoor play place….

At first glance, it looks like God wasn’t being very loving to us. But you have to look below the surface of the dirt and see that the roots that were once bound have been banged out and in their place, new, healthy roots have emerged…producing life-giving plants. The truth is, what God requires is always for our good. During our root banging process, He blessed us immensely. It wasn’t always through more money in the bank, though….instead, His blessings were:

-love for God

-joy in giving to others

-peace

-restoration of our marriage

-4 children born (w/ no medical debt)

-hand me down clothes

-plenty of food (including others having our family for a meal, or giving us leftovers/food from their garden)

-a home (this is the last debt we owe)

-3 cars (paid for)

-Curriculum & books for our homeschool

-recreational dance & sporting programs for our kids

-co-op classes

-dream vacations (paid for with cash)

-provision of every kind during a lay off, 1 year of unemployment & periods of no cash flow when contracts ended sooner than expected.

The list goes on and on….but the “things” are not as important as the ONE who gave them. We have all that we need- and God has graciously given us many of our wants. Our roots are no longer bound in darkness, sucking the life out of our lives…and our marriage. And that, my friend, is worth all the money in the world.

Valuable

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Luke 12:6-7 New Living Translation (NLT)

6 “What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins[a]? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. 7 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

For the second time in the last few years God has asked me to fast social media. On both occasions, He has been faithful to show me the reason why- after I have disengaged from it for a period of time. After the first fast, which lasted approximately 2 months, I realized that God had protected me- and my marriage from potential disaster. I had reconnected with “friends” on Facebook, and what had started out as a harmless walk down memory lane quickly turned into an open door for the enemy to wreak havoc. Unbeknownst to me, some of these “friends” had feelings for me when we were younger; that they had never expressed…and now that both of us were married to other people, I suppose they thought it was ok to spill the beans. I don’t believe their words were meant with malicious intent, but the Holy Spirit quickly warned me to log off and tell my husband what had transpired. Not long after the fast started, my mind began to wander back to the good old days of doing whatever I wanted, with whomever I wanted. And where the mind goes- the heart follows…..

I subsequently began feeling disconnected from my husband and wondered what life would had been like had I married someone else….these thoughts even invaded my dreams as I began to relive numerous dating relationships with young men that I had given my heart- and sometimes, my body to.

During the time of fasting, the Lord wanted to take me back to several of the places where I had disobeyed His commands, allowing the enemy to steal, kill and destroy the ONEness of my relationship with Doug, long before we even married. As a result of my confession & repentance, God began to restore and redeem what was broken, as a result of my sin.

My current social media fast came as a result of me feeling disgruntled every time I read other peoples tweets or posts. Yet, I constantly wanted to keep checking the latest news feed multiple times a day!!! That vicious cycle lasted, regrettably, way too long. Eventually, I chose to obey God by logging off and deleting the apps from my phone, because I knew if I saw the notification numbers begin to rise, I would be tempted to just “check” and see if there was something critical I was missing.

Two to three weeks passed before God revealed the root of my anger. Not surprisingly, it wasn’t even related to the people in whom I was becoming offended!!! I repented to Him, and to my husband (I had also become irritated with him…) and began the process of allowing the Holy Spirit to help me forgive the one whom I was really angry at.

Social media is a powerful tool. It can be used for good- or evil. It can be a way for us to reconnect with others whom we don’t get to see on a regular basis, or it can cause us to be judgmental of the things others say, or do. It can be a way for us to encourage one another, or it can be used to make us feel unworthy, unaccepted or even unloved.

It can be used to affirm our relationship with our spouse, or it can be used to bash our husband or wife publicly so that others will think we are never to blame for the issues in our marriage.

The questions we must ask ourselves is:

Are we looking to social media to fill a void in our lives that only God can fill?

Are we getting our value from others, or from Him?

“Our true value is God’s estimate of our worth, not our peers’ estimate. Other people evaluate and categorize us according to how we perform, what we achieve, and how we look. But God cares for us, as he does for all his creatures, because we belong to him. Thus, we can face life without fear; we are very valuable to God.”

–Life Application Study Bible, in reference to Luke 12:6-7

Distracted

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Luke 10:38-42 New Living Translation (NLT)

Jesus Visits Martha and Mary

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I’ve heard teachings about Mary & Martha quite frankly, more than I’ve wanted to over the years…and each time I’ve come away ticked off! You see, I’m a doer. Always have been.

Since childhood, I’ve organized my dresser drawers by item and color and hung my clothes by seasons in my closet. My grandparents used to snicker at my “skills” when they came to visit and stay in my bedroom. When I got married, this “skill” was appreciated at first, but it quickly became a source of great contention between Doug and I. He was, how shall I say….more of a manly version of Mary. Except, instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus, he was sitting on the sofa in front of the tv watching college sports. That’s not to say that he didn’t do anything around the apartment- he did- but he certainly didn’t care how the sock drawer was arranged or if all the clutter was picked up and put away immediately. I was perfectly content playing the role of Martha…and occasionally reminding God that my husband should come help me!!! Then, we had our first child. After the 2nd one was born 18 months later, I was still able to take care of myself, my husband (or so I thought), 2 kids & the household…but then we suffered a miscarriage, I had emergency surgery and was confined to bed rest for a time. Needless to say- not everything got done according to MY specifications. I should have been getting the hint by then, don’t ya think? Uh….no.

We then had our 3rd child and from the moment of delivery (she was the only child born without any drugs administered to me!) I knew I was in for pain and suffering. We brought our bundle of joy home from the hospital and she screamed & vomited & failed to be comforted, or sleep for more than 4 months. The next few years of her life would bring about numerous Dr. visits and a diagnosis of autism. Then, if God didn’t get my attention with all that- He gave us a 4th child!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!

When morning sickness lasts all day and you vomit until you dry heave and go to bed, there isn’t much time or energy left to make sure the sock drawers of 6 people are neatly arranged- much less prepare a meal, do the laundry, nurse a baby, care for 3 children, change diapers, grocery shop, and have sex with your husband (yes, that IS important!).

What I finally realized over the years is that Jesus didn’t love Mary more than He did Martha. His Father had created them both with unique gifts and talents- in His image. The issue wasn’t that Martha was practicing her gift of hospitality, it was that she was distracted by what she was doing instead of focusing on why she was doing it. She also neglected to put first things first; making Jesus the priority.

The bible says we are supposed to do both; sit, rest, allow Jesus to pour into us….and do the work He’s called us to do- without being distracted by less important things, or complaining about it!

When the demands of life’s “to do’s” overwhelm and cause us to be angry, or blame others, we need to stop & sit at the feet of Jesus- and if necessary, repent. For He is the only One who brings life to the full and whom all of life’s details must flow out of…..

A Lesson from The Lorax

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For the past 2 years, our son has loved to join our family in praying for the couples that attend our marriage conferences. Last year, he dressed in suit and tie to deliver an encouraging word: persevere with God, our marriage, our children & other married couples. This year, he brought confirmation of our teaching in an analogy from the full length Dr. Seuss movie, “The Lorax.”

Yes, The Lorax.

Last week, while on an impromptu walk through the neighborhood, our son began quoting the following scene:

Lorax: Which way does a tree fall?

Once-ler: Uh…down?

Lorax: A tree falls the way it leans…..careful which way you lean.

After reciting the dialogue several times, he paused, and then turned and said “mom, I think you and dad should use this for your conference.” Stunned, I blurted out “WHAT?!?”

Days later, our persistent 6 year old asked again, “mom, are you gonna use the Lorax for the conference?” This time he had my full attention. “Ok, now tell it to me again…”

Lorax: Which way does a tree fall?

Once-ler: Uh…down?

Lorax: A tree falls the way it leans…..careful which way you leeeeaaaaan (emphasis his!).

At first I feared that God was telling us to re-write our entire teaching a week before the conference! But then I realized, He was just confirming what He had planted in Doug’s heart months ago…..to teach & share a few of our struggles with  _ _ _ _ _  (now you know I can’t tell you what it is- you’ve got to attend the conference to find out!)

This morning, as I was praying for the couples who are attending, and those who have yet to register for the conference, the Lord reminded me of the Lorax’s words, and then His own:

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18

Which way does a husband fall?

He falls the way he leans.

Which way does a wife fall?

She falls the way she leans.

Careful which way you lean.

 

http://marrieddisciples.com/attend_a_conference

Deck the Halls

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Ephesians 4:17-23 New Living Translation (NLT)

Living as Children of Light

17 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.

20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

My thoughts & attitudes reflects the condition of my heart. And the Lord has been testing it- again.

Proverbs 17:3 New Living Translation (NLT)

3 Fire tests the purity of silver and gold,
but the Lord tests the heart.

We have just entered into our 3rd month of our 2nd season of unemployment. I’ve often wondered out loud to my husband why are we having to endure this faith building exercise- again?!? During the 1st season we finally understood what it means to believe & trust God as  our provider. We were grateful that when the lay off hit, we had no debt and there was money in the bank to pay the bills for almost a year. We were humbled and thankful for others He sent who provided meals, groceries & cash which stretched our resources and continued to sustain our family. We stood in awe of the divine health He’d given us for the entire time, as we didn’t have the extra $ or insurance to pay for medical care. We continued to thank Him for His provision when a contract position was handed to Doug the month all the $ ran out. We felt overwhelmed with all of the blessings He continued to shower on us during the next 11 months Doug was employed:

-$ to re-fill the savings account

-resources to fix several of the “to do’s” around the house

-rewards dollars to take that dream family vacation we wanted to take in 2010

-extra reward dollars for Doug & I to take a vacation alone- to a private island (again, another “dream” vacation!)

-home-school field trips

-more divine health

-new ministry opportunities

The list goes on and on……yet in the midst of this 2nd turn of unemployment I’ve been unexplainably angry. Angry at Doug. Angry at the kids. ANGRY!!! And instead of asking God “why am I so angry?” I’ve avoided Him….because clearly, I can handle this by MYSELF!!! Plus, it’s the holidays and I have WAY too much to do- I don’t have time to deal with how I feel. After all, He is a loving God, He understands…so why shouldn’t He give me a break on the whole read my bible, journal, pray thing that I need to do everyday??? He knows that if I take the time it takes to do all that I won’t have time to get all the holiday shopping & planning done so that everyone can have a Merry Stinkin’ Christmas!!!! Of course, in the midst of all this fa la la la la-ing I’ve also been angry about having to celebrate Christmas this year- even though I have less to do than in previous years (only exchanging gifts for the kids in the family, no Christmas cards, less holiday parties to attend…). What the heck?! Instead of decking the halls, I’ve mostly felt like decking everyone around me!!!

Then….BAM!!!…God, in His infinite wisdom & love decked me with the flu. I suppose He figured that if I couldn’t spend time with Him because I was too busy, He would clear mine and my families busy schedule (5 of the 6 of us are now sick). And….as the loving, obedient daughter I am- I ran right back to Him- 4 days after I had been laid up in the bed watching WAY to many cheesy holiday movies on Netflix……and what He told me…well, kinda made me….angry…and then convicted.

The reason for this 2nd round of unemployment isn’t because He’s still trying to teach me that He is my provider and that He wants to bless me because I am His child- that truth is beginning to take deep root in my heart….no- this time He’s working on a thing that goes way down deep in my heart that needs to be yanked out- at the root- by the Spirit. You may have heard of it: pride. Instead of writing a laundry list of all the ways I have failed to live by the Spirit in this area- I will just sum it up by saying that when God decks you in this area, it hurts (because, if we are really honest with ourselves…and God…we all think pretty highly of ourselves, don’t we?). Fortunately, I know that God disciplines those He loves and without that discipline, I can’t walk out the calling He has placed on my life with JOY! Oh, I can try to do all these things- in fact, I can perform most of these tasks with ease, but I will be grumbling all the while as my anger continues to bubble and stew leading to an eventual explosion of bitterness.

So, today, I choose JOY over anger as a result of my pride and I ask the Savior of the world to forgive me for believing that my strength lies in my superb abilities instead of in my weakness- as I surrender my heart to Him….and then every day after this, I will ask Him to fill me and renew my thoughts and attitudes!

Now how about some Christmas music?

Deck the Halls, anyone?!?!

I’ve got to have faith

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“Because I’ve got to have faith

I’ve got to have faith

Because I’ve got to have faith

Faith

Faith

I’ve got to have faith

Faith

Faith”

George Michael, “Faith”

I’m fairly certain that George wasn’t singing about faith in the One true God back in 1987. Decades later, I still hear the word “faith” thrown around rather carelessly…as if its something that all of us can just conjure up any time we want.

Faith- what exactly is it? How does it work? Is it the same thing as believing in God?

Over the past dozen years or so, God has given me multiple opportunities to build, as my husband says, “my faith muscle.” But it’s only been in recent years that I’ve really understood what it means to have faith in God.

Faith comes from Our Creator (as does everything else we are given). Without it, Hebrews 11:6 says “it is impossible to please God.” However, the later part of that verse tells us what we must do FIRST: “believe that God exists.” To believe, according to the dictionary, is to “accept something or someone as true.” When the Holy Spirit breathes on us- we believe in Jesus & confess our sins, in order that we may be saved. It is during this same exchange that our faith is activated- but what we do, or don’t do with it makes all the difference in our lives. Conversely, faith is defined as “complete confidence in someone or something.” You see, we can BELIEVE God exists- & even be saved from spending eternity in hell….but yet never completely have confidence in, or trust Him. There are multiple reasons why that occurs; growing up with parents who, unfortunately didn’t model godly parenting or being hurt/traumatized by people in authority over us….the ways of deception from the enemy are numerous.

What then are we to do?

In order to live a life of faith in God, we must connect to God. And He is so generous that He gives us the “how to” before He gives us what He requires us “to do!”

Hebrews 11, otherwise known as the “Hall of Faith” chapter, gives example after example of ordinary people who did extraordinary things, through their faith in God.

It was by faith:

Noah built a boat

Abraham left his home

Sarah had a child

Moses’ parents hid him

The Israelites marched through the Red Sea

Rahab (the prostitute) was not destroyed

All these people had one very important factor in common: they heard from God. In order to have faith, we must hear from God, believe what He promises & obey what He commands.

Simple. Yet complicated.

Whenever Doug & I are given the opportunity to share our testimony, we usually tell about God’s promise that He spoke to both of us at the lowest part of our marriage. At a moment when Doug was afraid that he had lost it all…his wife, children, job….God promised that He would take his horrible situation (brought upon by his own sin) & use it for good….and that together, Doug & I would help other couples hear from God, by sharing our story. At the same time, as I was contemplating leaving my husband and facing life alone as a single mom, God used my mother to speak the same promise to me; “Jodie, I know you can’t see it now…but God is going to use this for good….”

We had heard from God. He had given us a promise. Simple. Then came the complicated part; obeying Him. 

It started with me returning home to my husband (after God had told me divorce was not an option). Then…

-marriage counseling

-LOTS and LOTS of repentance and forgiveness towards God & each other

-being accountable to others by getting involved in a local church

-being willing to share our private, sometimes embarrassing & shameful story over and over again with other couples

-hosting couples/families that stayed in our home

-leading small groups

-mentoring couples who were in the midst of painful circumstances

-planning, paying for and hosting a marriage conference

-starting a non-profit ministry

All of these steps of obedience built our faith muscle. And after each step, we continued to see how God was answering and confirming His promise!

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen…” (Hebrews 11:1)

If we want to live extraordinary lives, we’ve gotta have faith. Not in ourselves, or what we hope for-but in God and what HE hopes for, for us. For “he rewards those who sincerely seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6)