Marriage

Windows of Heaven

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Proverbs 21:20 New Living Translation (NLT)

20 The wise have wealth and luxury,
but fools spend whatever they get.

By no means do I consider our family to be wealthy but, when I compare myself to the truly poor of this world, we have way more than we could ever need-or want. Its when I measure myself against the American standard that I can become insatiable & well….. foolish.

We don’t have cable TV, but when we visit family or stay in a hotel, one of my favorite networks to watch is HGTV. My husband, on the other hand, can’t stand it! He’s correct in his perceptions of some of the people- they are never content with what they have and they feel entitled to obtain EVERYTHING on their want list! Episode after episode this scenario repeats itself as you see people’s struggle to remain under budget for reno’s or mortgage loans. More times than not, they quickly throw caution to the wind and blow the budget.

Fools.

Doug and I were in that category for at least the first 10 years of our marriage. Whatever was in the checking account is what we spent! We were never satisfied.

Matthew 6:21 New Living Translation (NLT)

21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

The journey to becoming wise (which we are still on) started with giving God 10%. My stubborn, disobedient self gasped in horror when my husband asked me to write the first check. I think it was $50- nowhere near 10%. Months later, I began reasoning with him as he told me to increase it to $200!!! When our giving finally reached 10% we then heard a convicting sermon about giving 10% of your gross income, not your net!!!! (Somebody please give me a chair…I’m gonna pass out!!!) Its not as if we couldn’t afford to give God a greater portion…its just that it was going to take away from the money WE wanted to spend on what WE wanted. To remedy that situation, we chose to be…… foolish! We decided that instead of disciplining ourselves to spend less, we’d just use our credit cards more…and so, we remained in bondage to our debt.

Proverbs 22:7 New Living Translation (NLT)

Just as the rich rule the poor,
so the borrower is servant to the lender.

After years of living in the debt cycle, we asked the Holy Spirit to teach us God’s view of our finances….and what we discovered is that ALL of it comes from God and ALL of it should be used for His glory- not our own. And when we use it as He instructs us, we will be wise.

No greater example of this is the season of unemployment we went through in 2010-2011. People still ask how we got through a year without any debt (actually, we do still have a debt; our mortgage). But here is the simple truth:

God provided.

Not only did He provide for all of our “needs” but He also gave us some of our “wants.” Allow me to explain how that season played out:

Approximately 18 months before Doug was laid off, I flippantly said “we have more $ in our saving account than we’ve ever had, do you think you’re gonna lose your job?”

It wasn’t a flippant comment, it was God’s provision.

When Doug lost his job, we continued to tithe 10% of every increase we received:

-severance package

-unemployment from the state

-cash/checks that were given to us as gifts

We said “no” to several items on our “want” list:

-family camping trips

-new clothes

-Home-school co-ops

-Field trips

-Extra curricular activities

-Eating out

-Hair cuts & color

-Cable TV

-Family entertainment (movies, putt putt, children’s museums, etc)

-purchasing a pop-up trailer for our family camping adventures.

-taking a Disney Cruise we had been saving for

And then we began to witness the truth of this promise:

Malachi 3:10 New Living Translation (NLT)

10 Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in!

Windows of heaven:

-mortgage and every other utility bill was always paid on time

-we never skipped a meal- or snack, for that matter

-another family invited us to go with them on their vacation

-we received LOTS of hand-me-downs for almost every member of our family

-a family paid for all 4 of our children to attend a co-op class

-a family paid for a portion of gymnastics classes for all 4 of our children

-people took us out to eat, or invited us to their home for dinner

-people brought us groceries

-no one needed medical attention for year (no insurance)

And, almost a year later…. God poured out a blessing so great, we didn’t have enough room to take it in!!! Next month, we will be taking that Disney Bahamian Cruise we had been saving for! Here’s how God provided for that:

-We purchased a 4 night Disney Bahamian Cruise for 6, but we only paid for 5 (Disney Rewards)

-FREE hotel for 3 nights in Orlando (Marriott Rewards)

-FREE tickets to Magic Kingdom (Disney Rewards)

-$100 on board credit (Disney Visa Cardholder “gift”)

HGTV may be able to install some beautiful windows, but I’d much prefer for God to open the windows of heaven for me…..wouldn’t you?

Drip…drip…drip

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Proverbs 19:13 New Living Translation (NLT)

 13 ….a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping.

Have you ever been laying in your bed, on the verge of sweet dreams and hear the faucet ‘drip…drip…drip’ ? Most of us will try to ignore the annoyance and force ourselves to sleep, but some can’t stand the distraction, so we jump out of bed, huffing, puffing and stomping to the bathroom to turn the knob that someone else probably left on!!! If that isn’t irritating enough, we then may discover that the handle is broken and we can’t make the stupid think stop dripping!

Such is the predicament of a man who is forced to live with a quarrelsome wife.

It has been said, by countless “professionals” that a man’s greatest need in any relationship is respect. I have discovered that to be true- at least, partly. I would contend that a mans greatest need is the same as that of a woman’s- to be loved. Its how Our Creator designed us and its what He commands we do; love God with all our heart, mind, soul & strength & love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31).

For the first several years of our marriage, I tried in vain to love/respect my man, but I constantly fell short. Any difference of opinion would lead to a “discussion” which would lead to my voice becoming elevated which would lead to choice adjectives & insults flying out of my mouth. I’d then become enraged when Doug would disengage from the “discussion” and walk away!!! So I would retaliate by ignoring him for the next few hours or days….

Drip….drip…drip…ignore.

A few years later, after I found Jesus (actually, He found me, right?!) I tried even harder to fight the good fight, um, rather have a suitable “discussion.” However, the same cycle would emerge, but occasionally Doug would stay engaged and try to talk me down from my tirade… “honey, I’m not going to listen to you when you speak this way to me, I deserve more respect.”

Drip…drip…drip…get out of bed and try to turn the faucet off.

“WHAT?!?! You deserve?!?! What about what I deserve?!?! If you’d worry more about loving me and less about being respected, we wouldn’t have these issues and I wouldn’t have to yell and cuss!!!”

Drip….drip…drip….the faucet is broken.

It wasn’t until after I began praying for my husband; the man I had pledged to love…till death do us part (which I thought, may be fast approaching) did I realize how annoying my quarreling was. Not only was it annoying, it was, in essence saying to Doug “I don’t love you…you are not worthy of my love/respect.”

Drip…drip…drip….call the Plumber.

When I finally asked God to show me His perspective of my husband & to help me fix the leak, my attitude towards my husband changed (note: I did not say that my husband changed; at least, not at first). When I began reading God’s word and asking the Holy Spirit to apply it to my life, the quarreling diminished. Now, I must admit, its not completely gone…occasionally a small drip….drip…drip can be heard, but now I know to call the Plumber immediately, before that sucker breaks and we have a flood all over the floor!

Wives, if your husband has ever accused you of being quarrelsome or disrespectful, don’t cuss him out and insult him. Instead, ask the Lord ‘is this true?’ And if He says ‘yes,’ ask Him how He sees your husband….then, once you stop crying….ask him to help you love your husband and ‘submit to Him, as unto the Lord.’ (Ephesians 5:22)

Then, I suggest, you have the Plumbers number on speed dial and call Him up daily to maintain that sometimes leaky faucet!

 

 

Worry

/ Jodie / 2 Comments

Philippians 4:6-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace….

Every person who has accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior has a direct access to the Creator of the Universe. Unfortunately, many of us don’t use it enough!

Prayer.

Behind my sisters home lies a shallow, rocky river. If you look upstream to the left, you’ll notice a tree that uprooted during a storm and has fallen across the entire width of the river. Downstream from that tree, the water appears to be stopped and becoming stagnant. But, further down river, the water is once again trickling over the mossy rocks.

When that river flows, the way it was designed, it brings life to all those within and around its banks. When there is an obstruction that is not quickly moved-the river is in danger of becoming still and stagnant, resulting in possible death for those that depend on it for substance.

I have had several trees of worry fall into my river in my 36 years. The result of not having them removed quickly has lead to insomnia, anger and lack of joy. When I finally notice the affects of the decaying tree on my relationship with my Creator, spouse & children I try with all my might to remove it…but….that just leads to more worry & anger! Eventually, my stubborn pride relinquishes its hold and I go to the source of the river- the only One who can remove that tree. And, every time, without fail, His peace washes over me….

Years ago, when a worry tree fell into my river, the Holy Spirit prompted me to write a thankful list in my journal. I was amazed at how many items there were! When I finished writing, I praised the One who was due my gratefulness. And wouldn’t ya know it- I experienced God’s peace.

During my bible/prayer time this morning, another worry tree began leaning over my river. As our family approaches another season of unknown (Doug’s contract position ends next month), the temptation to worry about financial provision, possible relocation for a job, change in our home-school schedule, etc….can become overwhelming. But, when I reflect on our lives less that a year ago, I remember the miraculous ways that my Father removed every tree of worry…… and I KNOW that He can and will do it again!

All I have to do is:

-pray about everything

-tell God what I need (He doesn’t mind hearing about some of my wants either!)

-thank Him for all He has done

Here’s part of my thankful list for the past 18 + months:

-a year of time at home with my husband & children during unemployment

-financial provision (severance package, checks/cash from family, friends, anonymous people, not accruing debt!)

-divine health for all 6 of us

-God revealing Himself as my true comforter (when my husband was away for more than a week at a time)

There’s plenty more to be thankful for, but right now I just want to be still and watch the river flow….

Psalm 46:10

New Living Translation (NLT)

“Be still, and know that I am God!”

 

 

Logging

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Matthew 7:3-5 New Living Translation (NLT)

3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye[a] when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend,[b] ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Judging. Who of us doesn’t do it? In no relationship is it more evident than in our marriages. After all, we have PLENTY of opportunity to “see” all our spouses faults, since we eat, sleep, engage in activities, chores, child rearing, etc….together…all the time!

Years ago when Doug and I were going through the fire in our marriage, judgment was revealed to me in a not so subtle way. As I was walking through our home going about my daily duties of wife and mommy, I was subconsciously mumbling about what an idiot my husband was. I can’t even recall what the phrases were, but it must have had something to do with his recent confession of sin.

After years of lying to me about his addiction to sexual sin, his company exposed him; they had been tracking his internet content for almost 3 years and his warnings were over. He was asked to turn in his badge and sent home to await word from HR about his future employment. You can imagine my shock, embarrassment and anger. Didn’t I have the right to be mad as heck?!? Sure. To an extent. The bible is clear- we are to be angry-but NOT sin. I must admit I was way past that point as I verbally attacked him from the moment of his confession and now I was even verbally abusing him in his absence!

As I left our bedroom, I entered the hallway that led into the living room and an almost audible voice from the Lord stopped me literally, in my tracks.

 “Don’t you think I died for him too? I love him….just as I love you.”

Whoa. A moment of realization that changed my life and my marriage-forever. Over the next several months the Holy Spirit began revealing to me my sexual sins, as well as many others sins that contributed to the breakdown of my relationship with Doug. You see, I was so worried about the speck in my husbands’ eye that I neglected the log that was protruding out of mine!

We see this same scenario play out over and over again with couples we mentor. It is too easy for husbands and wives to judge each other’s sin and throw them under the bus without even considering what their own faults are. The enemy uses our judgments against one another as a launching pad towards forgiveness, bitterness, rage, denial and ultimately stonewalling. And once he gets us there, we’ll willingly take the final step of ending the marriage because we are convinced that the other person is the one entirely at fault.

The great news is, there is a way out of this trap! The Holy Spirit will ever so lovingly reveal the logs in our eyes….if we’ll just ask Him! Once we do that, then repent & forgive, the logs are removed and the area around the wound is miraculously healed. But notice, the scripture does not say that we will then be able to remove the speck from our spouses’ eye once we have been healed! Instead, it says we will be able to deal with it. When we focus on our relationship with the Creator of the Universe and allow Him to go logging in our life, our perspective of our spouse changes and we begin to see them the way God sees them…knowing that He died for, and loves them, too.

A Soil Sample

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Two and half weeks ago, Doug and I hosted our 3rd ONE Flesh Marriage Conference in Montreat, NC. 25 couples scheduled 3 days away from their jobs & their families & invested $300 to spend the weekend with us. They had the opportunity to engage in powerful worship, hear biblical teaching from 3 different couples & listen to 3 other couples share their life stories of God’s promises, their protests & their perseverance.

The week before we were to head back to the mountain, our pastor spoke about “Scattering Seeds.” I was serving back in the children’s room that Sunday, but my husband gave me the cliff notes version of the message. From that point on, “seeds” became a constant reminder of what we were to do; scatter…. A LOT of them.
I’ve never been a farmer. In fact, I’m one of those people that have a black thumb when it comes to growing- anything. I just don’t have the desire to plow the dirt, add fertilizer, plant the seeds, water, pull weeds, water some more, add more fertilizer, then WAIT for the seed to sprout…and then WAIT some more for it to produce!
For my husband’s birthday this year, my mother-in-law hired a landscape architect to draw up some plans for our yard. As the architect, my husband and mother-in-law stood chatting in the front yard about taking soil samples & all the preparation needed BEFORE we could even buy new plants and stick them in the ground, I checked out. I just didn’t understand why we had to invest all this time and money and annoyance to add some curb appeal to our yard. My husband explained (several times!) the importance of knowing what was lacking in our soil before we invest in flowers and shrubbery, only to have them die once they are planted. It finally made sense…but I still didn’t want to WAIT for all of that to happen before our yard could look like one of those on HGTV!
This morning, I chuckled as my daily reading plan sent me to Matthew 13. I guess there is more to this soil thing that God is trying to teach me! As I began reading the Parable of the Four Soils I wondered, if we were to take a soil sample of each of the couples that attended the conference last month, what would we find? Shallow soil, full of rocks? Soil that is infested with thorns or weeds? Or fertile soil? The discouraging facts are that not every seed that was scattered during those 3 days on the mountain will grow- much less produce a bountiful harvest. But that doesn’t mean that we should just stop scattering seeds. As my father so aptly put it “our job is to throw the seeds out, it’s the Holy Spirits job to water them.”
While preparing and gathering seeds to teach “The Yoke of Obedience” at the conference, Doug and I asked the Great Farmer to take several soil samples of our lives. We wanted to know which areas needed more fertilizer, rocks to be dug out and thorns that needed to be gotten rid of. Of course, once the samples were revealed to us, we had a choice; persevere and obey the Farmer, or protest and be content with the current state of our non-fertile soil. We chose to obey….and repent for the areas in which we allowed the enemy in to plant weeds in our garden.
Perhaps you’ve never asked the Farmer to take a soil sample of your life. Perhaps your land has lied dormant for many years. Perhaps you’ve become content living with rocks and thorns. Perhaps the weeds that the enemy has planted have become too deep, and you can’t pull them out. Regardless of the state of your soil, there is a gentle Farmer who wants to lovingly till and remove the rocks, thorns and weeds from your soil. Not only will He prepare the ground, but He will fertilize, water & provide the Son to produce a bountiful harvest through you. All you have to do is ask Him……
Father, would you take a soil sample of my life and show me the areas in which I have allowed the enemy to plant weeds. Holy Spirit, would you water the seeds that have been planted in fertile soil, so that my life may produce a bountiful harvest, which yields more seeds that can be scattered to other fields. Amen.
Matthew 13:18-23
New Living Translation (NLT)
18 “Now listen to the explanation of the parable about the farmer planting seeds: 19 The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message about the Kingdom and don’t understand it. Then the evil one comes and snatches away the seed that was planted in their hearts. 20 The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. 21 But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. 22 The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced. 23 The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

Sanford Herald Article

/ Jodie / Leave a comment
Marriage-focused ministry guides couples through hardship
by ALEXA MILAN


SANFORD — Weddings are all the rage in the pop culture sphere lately, from a slew of wedding-centric TLC reality shows to Kim Kardashian’s extravagant “Fairytale Wedding” broadcast. But for all the effort that goes into planning the big day, it’s the marriage that follows that takes the most work.

And for Sanford residents Doug and Jodie Bullard, it’s worth every effort.

The Bullards launched ONE Flesh Marriage Ministries about 10 years ago in an effort to help struggling couples strengthen their marriages through faith. The ministry became a 501(c)(3) nonprofit in 2010.

“The purpose of the ministry is to help other married couples,” Doug Bullard said. “We speak to them about the truth of God’s word and show them practical ways to apply that to their lives.”

ONE Flesh Marriage Ministry is a personal project for the Bullards, one that has worked with multiple churches throughout Lee and Wake counties. The services offered through the ministry include mentoring sessions for engaged, married and separated couples; discipleship training at local churches and yearly conferences, which include lodging, catered meals, worship and teaching sessions.

The ministry’s second yearly conference in 2011 drew 26 couples compared to 16 couples the first year. At this year’s conference March 30-April 1, the Bullards said they anticipate serving about 32 couples.

“Most of the couples we see are in crisis mode,” Jodie Bullard said. “For some, it’s a last-ditch effort. They’re just at a crossroads.”

The Bullards met in college through Jodie’s roommate, and the couple married in 1996.

“It was kind of a chance meeting,” Jodie said. “I said, totally flippant, He’s cute. I think I should marry him.’ It was a God-orchestrated time. The two of us probably wouldn’t have gotten together on our own.”

But like many of the couples they serve, the Bullards experienced a rough patch. Doug said 2001 was a pivotal year for the marriage, a time when the couple experienced some difficulties. But they decided to stick it out and turned to God to guide them. Jodie said the experience led them to realize they were too busy living for themselves to realize God’s intent for their lives and marriage.

“The strange but awesome thing about faith is it really is a muscle,” Doug said. “You’re trusting in what you can’t see, and when you get a hint of that first time God comes through for you, it strengthens that muscle. Faith builds the relationship.”

The Bullards said faith has played a crucial role in strengthening their own marriage, as well as their relationships with God and their four children, Madison, 12; Megan, 10; Malorie, 8; and Maguire, 5.

After overcoming their own obstacles that year, the Bullards said they were called to start their own marriage ministry, serving God through serving other couples. Jodie said based on feedback from those the ministry has served, it helps struggling couples to work with another couple who have experienced their own challenges, gaining two perspectives from one marriage.

“It’s the most important human relationship we have,” Doug said. “With some couples, you see a difference immediately, and some, it takes awhile. But people have been very forthcoming about how it changed their lives and their relationship with God.”

When they aren’t serving couples through ONE Flesh Marriage Ministry, Doug is an independent consultant in the pharmaceutical and biotechnology industry, and Jodie homschools their children.

In the future, the Bullards said they hope to operate ONE Flesh Marriage Ministry full time. Their primary goal, Jodie said, will always be to help others strengthen their relationships through opening their hearts to God.

“We’re just two people God called to share our lives,” Jodie said. “A marriage the way God designed it is worth the time and the sacrifice.”

Prophesy at Taco Bell

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

My husband (Doug) and I had been sharing our redemption love story with other couples for several years when we decided it might be a good idea to write it all down (in case we forgot how and why we got- and stayed married!). We had a good 4-5 pages completed before, well, life got in the way, so we we filed the manuscript in the “to be completed- one day” file where it has stayed ever since…… That is, until, my sister gave me her copy of Ree Drummond’s (The Pioneer Woman) book “Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, A Love Story.” After immersing myself in Ree’s story of how she met, fell in love, & married Marlboro Man (her husband, Ladd), I began reminiscing about how it was that Doug and I began our journey towards becoming one flesh……and I got the sudden urge to start writing page 6.

It all happened almost 20 years ago on a Sunday morning in the middle of June. My college roommate and I had pulled an all nighter (no, we weren’t studying) with a group of friends and then crashed at her parents place. It was near lunchtime when I awoke to the sound of several people chatting it up in the living room. Since I couldn’t fall back asleep, I finally rolled out of bed and drug myself to the sofa, where I plopped down & began digging the sleep out of my eyes. It was then that I noticed 3 young men impeccibly dressed in suit & ties. Suit and ties?! They had just come from church and there I was, hungover, with my hair looking like I’d combed it with an egg beater, in clothes I had worn the previous day, and NO make-up! Great first impression. Not as if I cared anyhow. I was the girl who was taking my father’s advice….date ’em all. No need to be serious with just one. My roommate introduced us….so and so, Doug, and so and so. I began checking out the only one who’s name I cared to remember: Doug. He was tall, a little on the skinny side, but had nice broad shoulders and piercing, gorgeous, blue eyes. Then I noticed his bottom lip was sticking out like it had been injected with Novocain. I’d never been one for being shy, so I blurted out “what is that in your lip?” Startled, he replied “a dip.” “A dip?” I abruptly replied, “that is disGUSting!” He smiled politely and rejoined the others conversation. 5 minutes later, I was completely bored, and famished so I announced that I was going to Taco Bell. I asked if anyone wanted to go, but the church boys had already eaten, so they said their “good-bye’s” and “nice meeting you’s” and strolled out the front door. My roommate and I then hopped in my red Firebird and drove to the nearest Taco Bell drive thru. I ordered my usual taco supreme & burrito supreme (with no onions) and then turned to my roommate and said “that Doug is pretty cute- I think I’ll marry him.” She cracked up laughing and said “wouldn’t that be so funny if you DID!?”

-Jodie