Marriage

Only Fools Insist

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Last night, as our 9 year old son was preparing for bed, he nonchalantly asked “is it ok that I told my teacher at church that there was….a… “situation” this weekend…ya know…that you and dad had a fight….about the mulch?”

Proverbs 20:3

3 Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor;
 only fools insist on quarreling.

Shock. Embarrassment. Realization that a room full of kids and their teachers now know with certainty that my husband and I acted like fools!

IMG_0879Then I chuckled and promptly relayed the story to my groom.

This morning, during another “situation” with our son (ya know…when you tell him to practice his spelling words on Friday and the test on Monday proves that he didn’t study….at all?!?) God gave me the opportunity to turn my foolishness into a blessing.

As I talked (ok- lectured) about his rebellion; not completing the assigned work, even though it wasn’t fun and he didn’t want to, I compared his lack of integrity to my lack of integrity that he witnessed two days before. A few moments later, as I looked into our son’s weepy blue eyes, I realized he only knew and “shared” (gossiped) half the story. What he didn’t see was his father and I taking a “time out” from each other to confess and repent to our Father for the stubborn pride that compelled us to insist on quarreling over mulch. Yes, mulch. Completely stupid, I know. But, stay with me!!! He didn’t know that a little while later, we came back together to apologize and forgive each other. He didn’t realize that each day both of us need God’s mercy so that we will make the choice to submit to Him- and one another. He didn’t understand that submission isn’t fun and we don’t always want to (even in our 40’s).

But submission is always the right thing to do. It’s right because we say we love God and each other. It’s right because actually loving God means obeying His commands- all of them, whether it’s fun or we feel like it. It’s right because our marriage is designed to reflect the love Jesus (the Bridegroom) gave for the church (His Bride). And when we choose to do what is right, an amazing thing happens; the Holy Spirit enables us to walk with integrity in our lives- and in our marriage…. and our children are blessed as they follow.

Proverbs 20:7

7 The godly walk with integrity;
  blessed are their children who follow them.

 

On the way

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Exodus 4:24-26

24 On the way to Egypt, at a place where Moses and his family had stopped for the night, the Lord confronted him and was about to kill him. 25 But Moses’ wife, Zipporah, took a flint knife and circumcised her son. She touched his feet[a] with the foreskin and said, “Now you are a bridegroom of blood to me.” 26 (When she said “a bridegroom of blood,” she was referring to the circumcision.) After that, the Lord left him alone.

Wait. What? The Lord confronted Moses and was about to kill him?!?

Moses had seen the burning bush.

Moses had heard God’s call to deliver the Israelites from slavery.

Moses had seen evidence of God’s power when his staff turned into a serpent!

And Moses was on his way to Egypt to fulfill his purpose.

But, before he could face Pharaoh and lead his people to freedom, Moses needed to face the failure to lead his family. Even though the terms of the covenant that God made with Israel was hundreds of years old, it still applied to Moses. Before he could deliver the 10 commandments, Moses needed to obey God’s command.

When confronted by the Lord, Moses must have turned to his helpmate in shock and disbelief. But instead of surrendering to fear, Zipporah fulfilled the requirements of the law by submitting to her husband- and his Lord. She literally took the knife into her own hands and circumcised their son!

Then the great I AM fulfilled His first promise: Moses’s brother, Aaron, met him at the mountain of God on the way to Egypt.

IMG_4379From the beginning of creation, God has chosen married men to lead His people to “lands flowing with milk and honey.” But He doesn’t call them to go to Egypt alone. Instead, He makes a helper suitable for their journey. And since He is a loving Father, when His sons fail to lead their family, He confronts them on the way to their purpose, so they can repent and obey.

Has God called you by name?

Has He called you to confront Pharaoh and lead His people to the Promised Land?

Will you trust …and obey Him?

Will you love your wife?

Will you train your children?

Will you take your family with you on the way to Egypt?

If not, God’s promises for your life will be delayed…and you may find yourself wandering around in the desert for 40 years.

Choose this day whom you will serve.

Trust Him.

Obey Him.

Lead your family.

Lead His people.

And you will see the Promised Land.

“Don’t be Afraid, Mary”

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Luke 1:30-31, 34-35

30 “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus.

34 Mary asked the angel, “But how can this happen? I am a virgin.”

35 The angel replied, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. 

Matthew 1:18-21

18 This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. 19 Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.

20 As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. 21 And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

An angel did not appear to me while I was engaged, but I have heard the Holy Spirit speak a few promises about our lives together since our marriage took place. Unfortunately, I haven’t always exercised patience and self-control in waiting for that information to be communicated to my husband!

I wonder if Mary had a conversation with Joseph after she heard God’s promise from Gabriel:IMG_1067.JPG

“Joseph, I’m pregnant!”

(silence)

“The Holy Spirit did it.”

“What the what?!?”

“I’m going to give birth to the Son of God.”

“Um…what?!?”

“Joseph- its true! An angel told me…don’t you believe me?”

“Mary, that’s impossible.”

I wonder if Mary felt abandoned and afraid for her future. I wonder if Joseph felt angry and afraid of the scandal. Regardless, being a good man, Joseph broke the engagement quickly and went home. Then, an angel appeared to him in a dream and confirmed the same promise Mary heard – with a few more details. He was to take her as his wife, and name the child she carried, Jesus.

  • Mary heard from God.
  • Joseph heard from God.
  • They obeyed.
  • God fulfilled His promise.

Why don’t I realize that God will do the same for me?

I am afraid.

I don’t trust God, I trust in my current circumstances.

I don’t believe God, I believe the lie of the enemy that says; “it’s impossible.”

I don’t fear God, I fear my husband not hearing and obeying (how self-righteous am I?)

But….. I don’t have to be afraid!

  • I can choose to surrender my soul (mind, will & emotions) to my Father in Heaven.
  • I can choose to trust Him.
  • I can choose to fear Him alone.
  • I can choose to believe in Him.
  • I can choose to declare; “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.”

And that obedience will give birth to the miraculous:

  • I will know that HE loves me.
  • I will know that HE is trustworthy.
  • I will know that HE is faithful.
  • I will know that HE will cause all things to work together for good.
  • I will know that HE will fulfill His promises for our marriage.

Master Yoda?

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Deuteronomy 13:4, 6-8

4 Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.

6 “Suppose someone secretly entices you—even your brother, your son or daughter, your beloved wife, or your closest friend—and says, ‘Let us go worship other gods’—gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known. 7 They might suggest that you worship the gods of peoples who live nearby or who come from the ends of the earth. 8 But do not give in or listen. Have no pity, and do not spare or protect them.

In Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith, Anakin Skywalker, having had prophetic dreams about his wife, Padme’s death, vows NOT to let the visions come true. Arguing with a Jedi Master, he eventually asks (begrudgingly):

“What must I do, Master Yoda?” IMG_1052.JPG

In which the tiny green warrior replies: “Train yourself to let go……of everything you fear to lose.”

Ironically, its Anakin’s pride, which leads to his wife’s death in childbirth, just as the prophecy foretold.

What relationships do you fear to lose?

Your brother or sister, son or daughter, beloved wife or husband, or your closest friend?

Hopefully, none of these people would intentionally try to entice you to “go worship other gods,” but don’t underestimate the power of the dark side which strives to convince your soul to love people more than you love God.

I’ve been guilty of fearing man, not God. I’ve “worshipped” my desire for peace and security and love from my husband instead of trusting God to fulfill my every need. I’ve “worshipped” my children, wanting desperately for them not to be mad at me, instead of enforcing discipline when they’ve disobeyed. I’ve “worshipped” the acceptance and approval of friends and brothers and sisters in the Lord instead of boldly saying “No. I’m going to obey what God has told me to do, not what you think is best for me.”

During this season of life, I’ve experienced times of intense loneliness and feelings of isolation. Each and every time I’ve come to my secret place to grieve, the Holy Spirit has reminded me that I’m holding on to people, more than I’m clinging to God. Through this process of continual revelation & repentance, I have come to see that my Master is training me to let go of everything I fear to lose……

May the force (who sent His only Son to die for your sins) be with you (as you seek to love Him, fear Him, obeying His commands, listen to His voice, and cling to Him).

In Private

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Matthew 6:1-4

“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. 2 When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. 3 But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. 4 Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

The other day, as I was scrubbing the master bath sink, cleaning up toys in the living room, sweeping the kitchen floor and doing yet another load of laundry for our family I wondered “how many times have my good deeds gone unnoticed in this house?” In which the Holy Spirit quickly replied “your Father sees everything you do in private….”

But, oh…how great it feels to do the deeds publically. To serve others with my spiritual gifts and have them respond with gratitude and praise! Blowing my own trumpet feeds my flesh – look what I did for that person in need. How charitable I am. God used ME to pray in unknown languages, discern a spirit, give a word of knowledge, or prophesy. I should receive a reward.

What a hypocrite.

IMG_5709As I talked with my husband about this latest revelation I acknowledged how hard my soul sometimes battles to be a submitted wife and loving mom. They are roles that, when fulfilled the way God intended, require me to be selfless, self-sacrificing and humble….every moment, of every day. Yet, when I constantly surrender my will to the Father, He not only gives me the fruit of His Spirit to love and serve my family, He gives me the gifts of His Spirit to help them when they are in need. And often, one of the rewards He blesses me with is a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with my groom and all four of our children.

He is El Roi, the God who sees me…and sees EVERY thing I do in private – and public. He is the God who loves me and forgives me. He is my greatest reward.

My Friends

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John 15:9-17

9 I have loved you just as My Father has loved Me. Stay in My love. 10 If you obey My teaching, you will live in My love. In this way, I have obeyed My Father’s teaching and live in His love. 11 I have told you these things so My joy may be in you and your joy may be full.

12 “This is what I tell you to do: Love each other just as I have loved you. 13 No one can have greater love than to give his life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do what I tell you. 15 I do not call you servants that I own anymore. A servant does not know what his owner is doing. I call you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from My Father. 16 You have not chosen Me, I have chosen you. I have set you apart for the work of bringing in fruit. Your fruit should last. And whatever you ask the Father in My name, He will give it to you.

17 “This is what I tell you to do: Love each other.

IMG_7297Ever since I was a little girl I have been very selective when choosing my friends. I had many acquaintances as a child and knew lots of kids in our small town, but I only had a handful of people I considered true friends. Decades later, I have become even more choosy. Sure, I have hundreds of Facebook “friends,” Pinterest “friends,” Twitter & blog followers, but again, only a handful of those virtual voyeurs are my real life friends.

For nearly twenty years my most intimate friend has been my husband. I keep nothing hidden from him- we share every joy and every deep, dark secret of our souls with one another. But, he is imperfect and so am I. And, as you know, sinners inevitably hurt and disappoint one another- which we’ve done thousands of times throughout our marriage. Thankfully, though, our BEST friend has loved and forgiven us and enabled us to love and forgive one another so that our relationship could be rebuilt, redeemed and restored into oneness.

My BEST friend, however, is absolutely perfect! He willingly laid down His life for mine thousands of years ago. Because of His love for me, when by body dies, I am destined to spent eternity worshipping our Father in heaven. But until that day comes, I get to remain in His love EVERY moment of EVERY day on this earth!

How?

By obeying His commands.

How do I do that?

By reading His life story so that I can get to know Him.

By talking and listening to His voice – without ceasing.

By submitting my will to His in every single detail of my life.

Only then can I produce lasting fruit that will glorify our Father in Heaven. Only then can I love my friends, as He has commanded me to do. Only then can I be confident that Jesus will call me His friend.

“Friendship is rare on earth. It means identity in thought and heart and spirit. The whole discipline of life is to enable us to enter into this closest relationship with Jesus Christ. We receive His blessings and know His word, but do we know Him?”

–Oswald Chambers

Dress Yourself in Humility

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1 Peter 5:5-11

5 In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for

“God opposes the proud
 but gives grace to the humble.”[a]

6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers[b] all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.

10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 11 All power to him forever! Amen.

When Doug and I finally gave God all our worries and cares, the Holy Spirit began His work to restore, support and strengthen us individually- and together.

Believers, all over the world have, and will go through the same kind of suffering in their marriage that we did. As with most couples, our story involved two broken people who finally surrendered to the Father. But it didn’t happen simultaneously. Doug was the first to humble himself.

After years of trying to conquer sexual sin in his own strength, in 2001 my groom was faced with the prospect of loosing his wife, children and career. Everything that he held dear was being stripped away in the span of only a few hours. Fortunately, for him- and his family, he cried out to God for help….and in His kindness, God reminded him of his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus.

My surrender came several months later. Like a roaring lion, I was looking to devour my husband and make him pay for all the scars & pain he inflicted on me during our years together. I was angry, bitter, judgmental and completely blind to my own sexual sin- and stubborn pride. Until one day…while I was cursing my husband, the Holy Spirit interjected (literally in mid sentence): “I died for him too. He is forgiven. You must forgive.”

The restoring of our marriage began with both of us confessing and repenting to the Father. Had we stopped there, we would have stayed together with a firm foundation, but our relationship would not have been rebuilt the way God designed. In order to continue the construction process, Doug and I once again had to humble ourselves by confessing our sins to each other and repenting for the pain we inflicted in one another’s souls. We had to be willing to give and receive forgiveness. We also needed to allow the Holy Spirit to illuminate the deep, dark, hidden places in the basement of our past so that we could see where the enemy had stolen, killed and destroyed areas of our lives- and marriage. Once we knew the Truth, we were set free by confessing, repenting and forgiving.

078As with any remodel, the project towards oneness has been long….and sometimes extremely hard. And it still isn’t finished! But I can tell you from experience: the blessings of obedience far outweigh the cost of humbling ourselves under the mighty power of God.

If you are in the midst of a marriage renovation, dress yourself in humility towards God and your spouse. The Lord promises that at just the right time He will lift you up in honor. So trust Him! Don’t rush the reno. A firm foundation and well built home takes time.

Psalm 37:7

7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
 and wait patiently for him to act.