Obedience
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For nearly two decades, I’ve periodically written & posted biblically based blogs @ deepintothewater.com
Never, ever, ever did I have any desire to write a book about my life.
God, however, had other plans.
After hearing His still, small voice, I put literal pen to paper and began pouring my heart out in my journal.
8 years later (a significant number for me), I felt prompted to publish some of those pages.
So, welcome to my house! Come on in…the doors open. Allow me to introduce you to The Restorer of Homes.
Help!
Sky and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.
Psalm 121
1 I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!
3 He will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers or sleeps.
5 The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
6 The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.
7 The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.
Isaiah 40:3-5
3 Listen! It’s the voice of someone shouting,
“Clear the way through the wilderness
for the Lord!
Make a straight highway through the wasteland
for our God!
4 Fill in the valleys,
and level the mountains and hills.
Straighten the curves,
and smooth out the rough places.
5 Then the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
The Lord has spoken!”
As the cover of my current journal declares, God is Faithful.
Yesterday, after drinking my daily smoothie that contained a new ingredient I’d never consumed before, I noticed that I felt kind of weird. I laid down for a bit to rest while watching Chip & Joanna Gaines do their thing. Grabbing my bottle, I continued guzzling water like I normally do with the heat and humidity of the good old Florida sunshine in summertime. Within a few minutes, swallowing became difficult. I sat up straight, quickly ascertaining that I must be suffering an allergic reaction! Breathing slowly, I calmed my nervous system down and began praying in the Spirit.
“Help me, Lord!”
Peace rushed in.
At the same time, I was still very aware of what was happening inside my body. The swelling in my throat was increasing, so I decided it was time to ask someone for help. I walked into my man’s office, interrupting his work day. “Babe. Don’t panic. I think I’ve had an allergic reaction to something I drank. I’m having a hard time swallowing.” I sat down on the floor as he retrieved my water bottle and the Benadryl. I took two, immediately. I text a nurse practitioner friend, but there was no response. At that point, my throat felt like I’d swallowed a very hairy tennis ball! “Babe. I’m gonna need you to take me to the ER. But before we go, let’s pray.”
He did.
As I grabbed my things, he informed the kids what was going on. I saw the concern in their eyes as we rushed out the door. Fortunately for us, we live literally right down the street from our community hospital. Upon check in, once I told the admin what was happening, she promptly stopped the paperwork and called for a nurse. By the time I turned around, a woman was there with a wheelchair. She whisked me right into an available room, as the team rushed in. Within moments I was undressed, put into one of those fashionable hospital muumuus, an IV was started and my vital signs were being monitored. Asking how I was feeling, the head nurse agreed with my self diagnoses- also noting that my chest and back were covered with a rash. The nurse practitioner assigned to my care immediately ordered more anti-histamines and a steroid which were promptly administered through my IV.
Once the dust had settled, my man smiled at me as he sat there- holding all my belongings in his hands. I saw the care and concern in his beautiful blue eyes.
As the medication and fluids entered my system, the swelling stopped. In fact, the fuzzy tennis ball began shrinking! I was discharged within an hour or so. Armed with a prescription to continue taking meds at home, my man and our kids were now assigned to my care. They came rushing out to the garage before I even had a chance to open the car door! We spent the next few hours enjoying our abbreviated family fun night, eating dinner together and watching one of the gazillion Mission Impossible movies. The anti-histamines knocked me out before 9p.
Upon waking early this morning, I began processing yesterday’s events with the Lord in silence. Thanking Him for being with me; an ever-present help in times of trouble, my heart was filled with gratitude. As we walked through everything that happened, I remembered how He’d been with me in previous trials.
I heard Him validate who He is:
The Way,
the Truth,
the Life.
and I heard Him validate who I am in Him:
His beloved.
He also alerted me to what the enemy had spoken over me yesterday so that I could remain aware of his prowling around, acting like a lion. It confirmed the bible verse Holy Spirit woke me up with early this week.
In that moment, I realized He’d been sharpening my sword- which is the written and spoken Word of God. It’s the only weapon used to cut between soul and Spirit. Like those anti-histamine’s that block the histamine response in the body, only the Word can block the fiery arrows of the enemy.
Our battles belong to the Lord, but we have a part to play, my friend. We cannot fight lying down- being passive. Yesterday, when I realized the attack on my body, I sat up. Then I stood. And when He said “GO!” I went. Immediately. THIS is how we fight our battles. We hear and do the Word.
It isn’t enough to sit in the Lord’s presence during a worship service as the highs and lows of the songs sooth our soul. Man cannot live on corporate gatherings alone. Please understand me. We NEED to sit in His presence, alone and together. We NEED to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth as a covenant community and alone. Before we show up on a Sunday morning, or a Wednesday night, we NEED to be full of His bread and water. Like Jesus, we must get up while it’s still dark and go to a secret place to pray to the Father in heaven. Then we must train ourselves to be still and know Him.
Study the Word.
Pray.
Meditate on His Truth.
Once you’ve eaten the scroll for yourself, my friend: get up and do whatever the Father’s will is, in whatever way He says to do it!
Period.
End of sentence!
This blog post is the result of one of those holy moments. Usually prompted by a passage I’ve read, I simply write my response to the Lord in a journal each day. Journaling is just another way to communicate with the Lord. What I sometimes can’t get out of my heart through my mouth, my mind can easily translate through my hand as it scribbles my thoughts (conscience and sub-conscience) on paper. Most of the time what I scribe remains hidden from others. I love that God and I have secrets just between the two of us. But occasionally, He prompts me to transcribe His word and my words digitally, so that I can tell others the GOOD NEWS of the gospel! This is not my story. It’s His. His story transforms lives.
It’s time to sit up, stand up and sharpen your sword, my friend. God is preparing you to be an overcomer. You must be alert and aware at all times. The enemy is prowling around you and your family. Do not be defeated by his lies. God is with you and He is for YOU!
Revelation 12:11
11 And they overcame and conquered him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, for they did not love their life and renounce their faith even when faced with death.
(Thank you to those who prayed and reached out, when our eldest sent text messages.
And to the incredible team of doctors and nurses at the hospital who cared for me.
Grace and peace to all of you!)
A Prayer (fighting the good fight)
1 Timothy 6:11-14
11 … Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. 13 And I charge you before God, who gives life to all, and before Christ Jesus, who gave a good testimony before Pontius Pilate, 14 that you obey this command without wavering. Then no one can find fault with you from now until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.
God, YOU said that when we fight the good fight of faith, it’s not by our strength or our power, but by YOUR Spirit. That means: we have to SEEK first YOUR Kingdom. Then all the things, all the plans for how to resist the devil will be given to us. Only then will we be able to go – and possess the land YOU promised. When we humble ourselves, seek YOUR face and turn from our wicked ways, no power or principality of darkness will harm us. No weapon formed against us will prosper. When we submit to YOU, as children, in childlike faith, we prove that YOU are our Father. A chosen few are doing that. But many that are called are running around like orphans with poopy diapers, swinging swords they aren’t strong enough to handle. Oh, that we would grow up and become spiritually mature sons and daughters!
How many times have YOU forgiven us our trespasses against YOU? In our ignorance we’ve believed we’re grown- just because we’re gifted! Heaven, help us. Many of us are doing good works; using spiritual gifts with gusto as explosive diarrhea overflows our sagging diapers. Our sacrifices have been detestable to YOU. They stink like week old dirty diapers! YOU are not interested in our Simon the Sorcerer routine; performing miracles, signs and wonders for the crowd….without knowing YOU. Without loving YOU! It’s obvious: we love ourselves and others more. The proof is evidence against us: we refuse to obey YOU. We’ve been content performing for love instead of from love.
When will we STOP?
When will we BE STILL?
When will we LAY DOWN and let our parents (the spiritually mature believers YOU have placed in our lives) help change us?
When we confess that we’ve rejected YOU as Father. When we repent for resisting YOUR authority. When we realize we’ve been deceived, doubted and followed the advice of the father of lies. “Don’t tell me what to do!” is the mantra of his children. They’ve declared their declaration of independence in their hearts. They’ve chosen to remain orphans; independent, impetuous and impatient… willing to survive alone, as individuals.
Lord, forgive us. We do not know what we are doing! We need a spanking. We need a time out. We need to be grounded. We need our toy swords to be taken away for a season to rest, recover and be restored to YOU: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We need to become HOLY as YOU are holy! Then we need to be reconciled to our fathers and mothers & brothers and sisters in Christ.
We confess all our crap to you, Lord! We repent for acting like orphans. We repent for being rebellious children. We declare a new declaration of DEPENDANCE on YOU, our good Father. We ask for YOUR helper- YOUR Spirit to lead us into all Truth. Change our hearts as YOU change our diapers! Train us in the way we should go. Potty train us. Teach us to grow up! We wanna become spiritually mature. We want to develop into healthy & holy kids, teenagers and adults. And when we are able, we ask that YOU show us how to parent the young ones as YOU have parented us; teaching us to obey all YOU have commanded.
Amen.
Lay down, Cow!
Psalm 23:1-2
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures…
When we moved to Florida two years ago, I became obsessed with cows. It seemed random at first. For heaven’s sake, we had cows in North Carolina and in California where I grew up! Yet, for some strange reason, I began squealing like a little girl every time we passed a pasture in Polk County.
Turns out, my actions weren’t random. Or strange.
I’ve especially been drawn to heifers, cows and calves. Recently, I learned from a friend that I am NOT a heifer- as some wrongly assumed. I’m actually a cow, thank you very much! A heifer has not given birth to a calf. This cow has delivered four! Armed with this newly acquired knowledge, I started to embrace the fact that I had been led to engage with these bovines. My friends who own cattle have since given me access to talk to and pet their animals- and pray over their land whenever I ask. Others have invited me to their home, which overlooks a neighbor’s herd to take pictures or just sit and stare at these magnificent creatures. Hey. Don’t judge me!
Cows are a picture of what I prayed for. What I’m trying to tell you is, this crazy infatuation is really from the Lord!
Allow me to explain…
Polk County was once home to the greatest number of cattle barons in the state of Florida. Lots and lots of land. Lots and lots of cows!!! Bartow was named the county seat after a baron donated a large tract of land to ensure the regions governmental authority rested in his hometown. How did the Bullard’s come to reside in the county of Polk, in the city of Bartow you ask? Well, it wasn’t my plan, I can tell ya that. MY plan was to live in Lakeland. The covenant community we’re a part of is there. Most of our friends are there. The parks and lakes and walking/biking trails we use are there. The majority of restaurants and shops we frequent are…you guessed it, THERE. The “tow” as locals have nicknamed it, was definitely not on our radar when shopping for houses online. But, His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are definitely not our thoughts. After being awake all night with explosive diarrhea, hearing the Lord said “I gave you what you wanted” (Psalm 106:15) we withdrew the first contract we made on our dream home- a beautiful hacienda in Haines City. Immediately, my man and I prayed, “your Kingdom come, your will be done- give us the house YOU want!” Turns out the seventh offer was the one He wanted. In July 2021, we finally closed on our home in Bartow, in a city and neighborhood we did not want to live in. But did I mention that our subdivision was formerly a cow pasture!? We literally heard (pun intended!) cows mooing each morning from the old homestead directly behind us, as we sipped coffee on our lanai. Unfortunately for us, those cows have since moved on to greener pastures.
In the spring of this year, the Lord told me it was time to LAY DOWN. After a bit of a struggle, I finally relented. Since obeying His voice, I began realizing what He’s been trying to teach me all along. Psalm 23 gives the analogy of Him being a good shepherd and us being good sheep, willing to be lead- regardless of where He goes. In this season, He led me to LAY DOWN; to rest…in green pastures. Cows LAY DOWN in green pastures every day. Each afternoon or evening, as we drive down Eagle Lake Road towards home I see heifers, cows and calves lying in the grass chewing their cud. After grazing all day, they rest and regurgitate what they’ve ingested. The same, as it turns out, happens with me. Every morning, in the secret place I hear my Shepherd’s voice in Scripture, Silence and Solitude. Then I start mooing about all the things and listen for His leading. Sometimes I know immediately where we’re going. And other times, I get up and go about my day, chewing the cud. As I do, Holy Spirit reminds me of passages I’ve read or visions, dreams and encounters with Jesus I’ve experience alone or corporately. He brings to remembrance that I must pray in the Spirit, asking Jesus what He’s asking the Father. In due season, at just the right time, I hear from heaven and a piece of the puzzle will find its place in the portrait I see Him painting.
Today was one of those moments that connected the dot to dots. God has literally given me what I asked for:
To know Him as Shepherd
To go where He leads
To LAY DOWN in green pastures
To restore my soul
My friend, I’m here to tell ya that this cow has tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord! I’m leaning on my Shepherd. I’m finding my voice in the pasture. And in due season, I’m gonna come up outta this place SHOUTING to every heifer, cow and calf that will listen,
Clear the way for the Lord’s coming!
(Isaiah 40, John 1)
Lord! Lord!
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.
The Lord…
is my Shepherd.
I wonder why David chose to use the word, ‘Lord’ in verse 1? Perhaps it was because somewhere in the midst of all the psalms he wrote in his journal, David’s relationship with God had grown up.
As a child, I heard the bible story about David slaying Goliath in Sunday School, but I remained satisfied with simply knowing about the God he loved, without actually knowing Him- and Him knowing ME. In my early twenties that all changed. While 9 months pregnant with our first child, I encountered the One reflected in the pages of Scripture in our master bedroom, sitting cross legged on the bed. Feeling the heaviness of all my rebellion against God, I confessed- out loud- and repented of every sin I could remember. Then, I received Jesus as Savior.
Savior.
But not Lord.
As Savior, I first came to know Jesus as Teacher. I began to study His commands, wanting to obey them. Later, I came to know Jesus as Prophet. After years of conversations sitting beside Him at the well, our relationship shifted. Like He did with the Samaritan woman, He asked about all my “husbands.” Yep, Jesus began digging up the dirt of my past!!! Why? Because He LOVES me!
He was calling me to follow Him out of infancy, into spiritual maturity. He wanted me to know Him as Shepherd. He’s doing it again, in this season. Calling me out of adolescence, into adulthood. He’s inviting me into more.
More rest.
More restoration.
More knowing Him as Savior and Lord.
Throughout my childhood in Him, Jesus’s words in Matthew always gripped me:
Matthew 7:21-23
21 “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. 22 On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’23 But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’
Called to Homeschool???
Matthew 14:18-22
New Living Translation
18 One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers—Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew—throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 19 Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” 20 And they left their nets at once and followed him.
21 A little farther up the shore he saw two other brothers, James and John, sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, repairing their nets. And he called them to come, too. 22 They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind.
God called me to follow Him into homeschooling in 2007.
At the time, I had,
-A newborn son who required constant care.
-A non-verbal, sometimes violent, yet musically gifted daughter on the Autism Spectrum.
-A smart, social butterfly daughter who thrived being in the presence of a loving teacher & her very best friends every day in a public-school classroom.
-A natural born, strong-willed leader daughter who felt constant pressure from the system to perform a greater quantity of work in exchange of quality work.
Let me be perfectly clear: I did NOT want to be a homeschool mom! For heaven’s sake, I purposefully changed my major from Music Education to Mass Media Communications because I realized after talking to a long-time educator that I didn’t want to teach bratty kids, deal with ungrateful parents and fight an impossibly rigid public-school system. Plus, we had become a single income household after our 3rd daughter was born, so I logically concluded that we couldn’t afford to pay state taxes for public education AND pay for our children’s homeschool education!
So, I politely told God, “no.”
He laughed.
Several months (and many tears) later, I finally relented to HIS will.
Matthew 16:21-26
New Living Translation
21 From then on Jesus[a] began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead.
22 But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him[b] for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!”
23 Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”
24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 26 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?[c] Is anything worth more than your soul?
I’ll spare you the gory details of what it has cost me to follow Him into homeschooling. But after 16 years, I say with absolute confidence, HE IS WORTH. IT. ALL!!!
Instead, my friend, I want to ask:
Did the Lord call you?!
IF the Lord called you to follow Him into homeschooling,
(not your spouse/kids/friends/self- wanting an alternative to public or private school)
THEN He will require you to:
(Matthew 16:24)
- Give up YOUR way = time, talent, treasure
- Take up YOUR cross = train your children in the way they should go (not the way everyone else is going)
- Follow Him to YOUR death = as you teach your children, Jesus will teach you how to obey the Father; HIS Kingdom, HIS will, HIS way (not man’s kingdom, man’s will, man’s ways).
IF you chose to follow Him into homeschooling,
THEN you will be a servant who will suffer many terrible things at the hands of:
(Matthew 16:21)
- “elders”
- “leading priests”
- “teachers of religious law”
Many won’t applaud or support your decision to homeschool. That’s ok. Please the Father, not people. He alone will judge us according to our deeds.
IF you will give up your life to follow Him into homeschooling,
THEN you will save it.
(Matthew 16: 25)
What needs to be saved in your life?
- Your spirit? (Salvation in Jesus)
- Your soul? (Mind, Will, Emotions)
- Your relationship with God? (Worshipping Him in Spirit & Truth)
- Your relationship with your husband? (Becoming One = body, soul, spirit)
- Your relationship with your kids? (Loving them from the overflow of love you receive from the Father)
The cost of homeschooling has been great in my life. But what I have gained far surpasses anything I’ve lost. I pray the same is true for you!
Please share your homeschool story with us! (Comment below)
Deep Into the Water 