Soul

God or man?

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Proverbs 1:7

7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
    but fools[a] despise wisdom and instruction.

The Word is quite clear of the miracle that happens when our heart loves God with all of our mind, will and emotions. We become wise! It is also written that when we act foolishly; despising Wisdom and instruction, destruction awaits.

If the fear of the Lord brings wisdom, then what does the fear of man bring?

Witchcraft, perhaps?

Last year, I was in a challenging situation. In the midst of a chaotic environment I reacted to ongoing foolishness by trying to assert control in the flesh. Dumb idea! It’s a trauma response I’m very familiar with; control or be controlled. You’d understand if I told you my back story, but it’s not pertinent to our current conversation. In short, we try to control what we’re afraid of. But as wise master Yoda so eloquently declares, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering….”

Indeed, the fear of man leads us down a dark street. Just read Proverbs 5, 7 & 9. Solomon urges us to listen to Wisdom – not the Ho that is also crying out for our attention. Her path leads to ruin. Her soliciting weaves a web of manipulation that promises love; acknowledgement, acceptance and affirmation from others. But once we’re in her trap, she sucks the life out of us and slaughters our soul. She is an unfaithful lover. That witch lures us in and spins us round and around, churning our love into hate. We wind up hating her, ourselves and everyone that stands on both sides of the street.

I was like that stag caught in her trap.

I was like that ox led to slaughter.

How did I escape her captivity?

How did I break free from her web?

Short answer: I chose to submit to the Word of God and the Spirit of God.

Long answer: I read the Word day after day after day. I prayed day after day after day. I remained in covenant community day after day after day. Wise ones encouraged me and corrected me and discerned a spirit of witchcraft oppressing me.

 (Allow me to interrupt this program already in progress with a brief commercial break!!!)

To all my Charismatic/Pentecostal brothers and sisters:

I love ya’ll! I love your fire. I love your zealousness for good works. I love how you just wanna run into the battle, kick butt and take names. But let’s not neglect that hidden treasure that requires us to slow down; ASKING, SEEKING & KNOCKING on the door of Wisdom. Once inside, we must be still. We must sit down, shut up and listen to what HE says before we speak. I agree, we are seated with Christ in heavenly places. I agree, the enemy is under our feet. But we’ve gotta learn how to pray. We’ve gotta learn how to follow His orders; submitting to the Lord, then resisting the devil, then watching him flee. Let’s stop yelling at that snake, telling him to “GO, in Jesus name!!!” if the person we’re praying for is partnering with his lies. Don’t forget; he will go when we confess, repent, and forgive, as the Spirit prompts.

The Son wants to release captives and set prisoners FREE from witchcraft- so let’s do what He tells us to do, when He tells us to do it. And remember, healing and deliverance doesn’t always happen in an instant through our favorite conference speaker, YouTube or Facebook personality. It also occurs over time in the secret place and the corporate place as we confess our sins to one another.   

I was stuck in that web- in the swirl and twirl of witchcraft for a long time. Wisdom was needed to get me out. That Ho had made her bed and I literally crawled right up in it! I was sleeping with the enemy, people!!! My fear led to anger, which led to hate, which led to deep suffering in my soul. But thank the LORD, that is not the end of my story from the streets. God rescued me from darkness as I stopped quenching His Spirit and started submitting to His Word. He is strong and mighty to save those who are caught in a trap of sin.

My friend, as we close our time together, I’m compelled to ask: what side of the street are you living on?

The side of Wisdom…

or witchcraft?

The side where you fear God….

or man?

Guard your heart and choose carefully, dear one. For your decision will determine the course of your life.

Lay down, Cow!

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Psalm 23:1-2

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 He makes me lie down in green pastures…

When we moved to Florida two years ago, I became obsessed with cows. It seemed random at first. For heaven’s sake, we had cows in North Carolina and in California where I grew up! Yet, for some strange reason, I began squealing like a little girl every time we passed a pasture in Polk County.

Turns out, my actions weren’t random. Or strange.

I’ve especially been drawn to heifers, cows and calves. Recently, I learned from a friend that I am NOT a heifer- as some wrongly assumed. I’m actually a cow, thank you very much! A heifer has not given birth to a calf. This cow has delivered four! Armed with this newly acquired knowledge, I started to embrace the fact that I had been led to engage with these bovines. My friends who own cattle have since given me access to talk to and pet their animals- and pray over their land whenever I ask. Others have invited me to their home, which overlooks a neighbor’s herd to take pictures or just sit and stare at these magnificent creatures. Hey. Don’t judge me!

Cows are a picture of what I prayed for. What I’m trying to tell you is, this crazy infatuation is really from the Lord!

Allow me to explain…

Polk County was once home to the greatest number of cattle barons in the state of Florida. Lots and lots of land. Lots and lots of cows!!! Bartow was named the county seat after a baron donated a large tract of land to ensure the regions governmental authority rested in his hometown. How did the Bullard’s come to reside in the county of Polk, in the city of Bartow you ask? Well, it wasn’t my plan, I can tell ya that. MY plan was to live in Lakeland. The covenant community we’re a part of is there. Most of our friends are there. The parks and lakes and walking/biking trails we use are there. The majority of restaurants and shops we frequent are…you guessed it, THERE. The “tow” as locals have nicknamed it, was definitely not on our radar when shopping for houses online. But, His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are definitely not our thoughts. After being awake all night with explosive diarrhea, hearing the Lord said “I gave you what you wanted” (Psalm 106:15) we withdrew the first contract we made on our dream home- a beautiful hacienda in Haines City. Immediately, my man and I prayed, “your Kingdom come, your will be done- give us the house YOU want!” Turns out the seventh offer was the one He wanted. In July 2021, we finally closed on our home in Bartow, in a city and neighborhood we did not want to live in. But did I mention that our subdivision was formerly a cow pasture!? We literally heard (pun intended!) cows mooing each morning from the old homestead directly behind us, as we sipped coffee on our lanai. Unfortunately for us, those cows have since moved on to greener pastures.

In the spring of this year, the Lord told me it was time to LAY DOWN. After a bit of a struggle, I finally relented. Since obeying His voice, I began realizing what He’s been trying to teach me all along. Psalm 23 gives the analogy of Him being a good shepherd and us being good sheep, willing to be lead- regardless of where He goes. In this season, He led me to LAY DOWN; to rest…in green pastures. Cows LAY DOWN in green pastures every day. Each afternoon or evening, as we drive down Eagle Lake Road towards home I see heifers, cows and calves lying in the grass chewing their cud. After grazing all day, they rest and regurgitate what they’ve ingested. The same, as it turns out, happens with me. Every morning, in the secret place I hear my Shepherd’s voice in Scripture, Silence and Solitude. Then I start mooing about all the things and listen for His leading. Sometimes I know immediately where we’re going. And other times, I get up and go about my day, chewing the cud. As I do, Holy Spirit reminds me of passages I’ve read or visions, dreams and encounters with Jesus I’ve experience alone or corporately. He brings to remembrance that I must pray in the Spirit, asking Jesus what He’s asking the Father. In due season, at just the right time, I hear from heaven and a piece of the puzzle will find its place in the portrait I see Him painting.

Today was one of those moments that connected the dot to dots. God has literally given me what I asked for:

To know Him as Shepherd

To go where He leads

To LAY DOWN in green pastures

To restore my soul

My friend, I’m here to tell ya that this cow has tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord! I’m leaning on my Shepherd. I’m finding my voice in the pasture. And in due season, I’m gonna come up outta this place SHOUTING to every heifer, cow and calf that will listen,


    Clear the way for the Lord’s coming!

(Isaiah 40, John 1)

Enriched

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1 Corinthians 1:4-9

New Living Translation

4 I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus. 5 Through him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words and all of your knowledge. 6 This confirms that what I told you about Christ is true. 7 Now you have every spiritual gift you need as you eagerly wait for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. 8 He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. 9 God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

This morning at corporate prayer, as a young man read 1 Corinthians 1:4-9, my mind fixated on the word ENRICHED. As he continued speaking & praying into the passage, I was reminded of the marketing phrase etched on most bags of flour in our grocery stores. Advertisers ensure consumers that its contents are “enriched” with vital nutrients for our good.

It’s a lie.

As a stereotypical homeschool mom, I know how to make & bake bread. In previous seasons, we were members of a local co-op that purchased hundreds of pounds of wheat each quarter. After doing a bit of research and learning from older, wiser mommas, our family eventually invested in a grain grinder and bread maker. Having previously suffered from what I thought was a gluten intolerance, I was pleasantly surprised when my home-made loaves not only tasted better, they actually improved my digestion. The bread we were consuming was full of life giving vitamins and minerals!  

Once a grain of wheat is broken, the consumer has approximately 72 hours to grind, make, bake and eat before the loaf is void of all nutritional value. Otherwise, it rots.

The same was true of the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness. But they only had 24 hours before maggots consumed their meal. Manna fell by God’s grace, from heaven every day and for 6 days God’s children had to go out and get it, eat it and digest it. They could only store what they gathered on the 6th day for Sabbath. Otherwise, what they tried to contain for themselves would rot. It would, in essence return to them void.

Beloved, such is the case with all of God’s children. We cannot live without our daily bread. All that’s required is to get up and get it! Consuming other people’s loaves that sit on shelves year after year won’t sustain us. Our souls were made to eat the bread of life every day. When we wake up each morning, we must go to a secret place, shut the door, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to breathe on the pages of Scripture. Only then will we receive the nutrients our hearts yearn for: wisdom & revelation of Jesus Christ. If we do, He promises: we will never be hungry again…and His Word will NOT return void!!!

John 6:35

New Living Translation

35 Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

Grief into Gratitude

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Jeremiah 31:12-14

Amplified Bible

12 They shall come and sing aloud on the height of Zion and shall flow together and be radiant with joy over the goodness of the Lord—for the corn, for the juice [of the grape], for the oil, and for the young of the flock and the herd. And their life shall be like a watered garden, and they shall not sorrow or languish any more at all.

13 Then will the maidens rejoice in the dance, and the young men and old together. For I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and make them rejoice after their sorrow.

14 I will satisfy fully the life of the priests with abundance [of offerings shared with them], and My people will be satisfied with My goodness, says the Lord.

Oh, my friend. What a season it has been! The Master Gardener has been hard at work; uprooting, transplanting, pruning, cutting and cultivating the soil of my soul. In His process, I don’t always begin as a willing participant, but I’m thankful that He is patient, slow to anger and abounding in His love for me.

Many things have died or been destroyed in His tending. I have grieved the loss of people and places and previous years of production. He’s been stripping every dead branch and exposing every bitter root. Because, little foxes of rejection and rebellion that remain buried in darkness always spoil the vine. With eternity in mind, He’s given me what I’ve asked for: a clean heart that loves Him with all my mind, will and emotions. By His grace, He will produce the fruit He’s after- for His glory, and my good.

Scattered seeds were buried, died, took root and are beginning to burst forth. Mourning is transitioning into JOY. Grief is growing into gratitude!!!

Through the Valley, into the Wilderness

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Psalm 23:4

4 Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.

Mark 1:12-13

12 Immediately the [Holy] Spirit [from within] drove Him out into the wilderness (desert),

13 And He stayed in the wilderness (desert) forty days, being tempted [all the while] by Satan; and He was with the wild beasts, and the angels ministered to Him [continually].

During a youth camp service at Forest Home in the 80’s I had what some call a mountain high experience. While singing the chorus of “Awesome God,” an altar call was given to me and my fellow Gen X-ers.

I didn’t go forward.

Yet, as I stood there listening to the crescendo of the music, looking out at the freshly falling snow, I felt at home in His presence. Amidst the noise, I opened the door of my heart to the One who was gently knocking. In that moment, on a hilltop in Southern California, my soul received the seeds that were sown since childhood. Later that year, however, I entered a dark season of the soul. Walking through a deep, sunless valley, the enemy snatched up what had fallen on the footpath.

I’ve walked through many valleys and wilderness seasons since then. Nearly every decade, construction on this temple of His Spirit seems to come to a screeching halt. At least, from outside the house. Yet on the inside, He’s busy scattering more seeds in the soil of my soul. Deep below the surface, where no one can see, the Word is taking root as mountain high moments give way to valleys. And in due season, I’m faced with counting the cost of following Him through the valley, into the wilderness again.

Surrounded by death and desert and dry bones, I’m continuing to grieve and grumble AND grow in this season. The cost of leaving Egypt to follow Him to the Promised Land has cost far more than I expected. But I’m persevering. And I’m beginning to come up higher; above myself, above the powers and principalities of darkness, to the throne of grace!

Through this valley, I am:

RESTING in Him

LEAD by Him

RESTORED through Him

HONORING His name

WALKING with Him

FEARLESS in Him

PROTECTED & COMFORTED by Him

FEASTING at His table

RECEIVING His honor

ANOINTED in Him

OVERFLOWING in Him

PURSUED by Him

LIVING in His house

Into this wilderness, I am:

DIGESTING the scroll, before speaking

GRATEFUL for the manna He’s providing

SPEAKING to the rock, instead of striking it in anger

EATING locusts and honey, regardless of how crazy I look to others

PREPARING to receive His seed, before sowing into others

CLEARING the way in my heart for Him

MAKING a straight path in Him

FILLING in the valleys in Him

LEVELING the mountains & hills in Him

STRAIGHTENING the curves in Him

SMOOTHING the rough places in Him

It’s time to consider the cost, friends. Jesus is building His Father’s house of prayer – through the valleys and into the wilderness. Are you willing to follow His Spirit, wherever He leads?

Luke 14:28

28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?

Isaiah 40:3-5

3 Listen! It’s the voice of someone shouting,
“Clear the way through the wilderness
    for the Lord!
Make a straight highway through the wasteland
    for our God!
4 Fill in the valleys,
    and level the mountains and hills.
Straighten the curves,
    and smooth out the rough places.
5 Then the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
    and all people will see it together.
    The Lord has spoken!”[a]

Abandoned

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Psalm 22

1 My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
    Why are you so far away when I groan for help?

“Once upon a time, in a land far, far away…” I was a pre-school teacher at a Christian school- for a short season. I know what you’re thinking: she does NOT have the personality type for that! You’re right. I don’t. Thankfully, I was also a student of the Lord at that time.

During recess one sunny day, our (then) two-year-old had a meltdown on the playground when her older sister returned to class. At the end of the day, her teacher informed me of the episode, so on the way home I inquired of our little smiley girl,

“Sweetheart, what happened at school today?”

“I FRODA FIT!”

“You threw a fit?!”

“Yep.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Because…

she LEFT ME!!!!!!”

I understood her frustration. I still understand her frustration. In her mind, her favorite person on the planet abandoned her- leaving her alone and afraid.

My mind sometimes plays the same trick on me: I feel like God has abandoned me. I feel alone. And afraid. I know its not true, but occasionally, my emotions overwhelm my thinking and I forget that He will never leave or forsake me.

More than two decades later in a promised land “far, far away…” I became a high school teacher at a Homeschool Co-op for a season. I know what you’re thinking: she does NOT have the personality type for that! You’re right. I don’t. Thankfully, I was also a student of the Lord at that time. Annnnnnd, wouldn’t ya know it? I was given the opportunity to have a few of my own meltdowns on the playground.

Because…..

I had been feeling abandoned. And alone. And afraid.

So, I did what any spiritually mature momma would do: I threw a temper tantrum. Actually, I threw several of them. It’s what my heart needed. I had to be honest with the Lord. Not at school, among students & fellow staff members, but in the secret place.

Because…

Not everyone on the playground is equipped to handle every emotional episode His children encounter. But, if we will become a student, He will provide teachers that can help us process the broken-hearted places of our soul. Some are licensed counselors. Some are practicing therapists. Some are mothers or fathers in the body of Christ. If we will seek them, we will find them; spiritually mature parents who will pray & prophesy over us, as we pour out our complaint to the Lord, like David did.

Like Jesus did.

My fellow sojourner,

Do you need to throw a temper tantrum?

Go on.

It’s ok to GROAN!

Ask the Lord for help.

He’s a Good Shepherd.

He’ll let you lay down in green pastures for a snack and a nap.

He’ll let you drink from His water fountain.

He’ll lead you through that playground.

His rod & staff will comfort your fears.

And, He WILL restore your sweet soul.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3     He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Jell-O (part 2)

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Ezekiel 36:26

 I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh…

I inherited my mom’s 1970’s lime green, Jell-O Tupperware mold when she passed away in 2021. Throughout my childhood and into adulthood, my mother, and her mother before her, created masterpieces filled with fruit and other deliciousness for family reunions and holidays in that little piece of plastic. I stood in wonder watching their expertise as they cooked and cooled their concoctions with ease. Once the Jello-O was done, they broke the seal of the mold, then rapidly inverted its contents onto a fancy dish; displaying their handiwork for all of us to enjoy. My girls and I perform the same magnificent routine every Thanksgiving when we make their Mema’s famous cranberry Jell-O recipe.

Bullard Pack Thanksgiving 2021

If you’ve ever made Jell-O straight-outta-the box you know that boiling water is required to dissolve its contents. In order to prepare the mixture, ongoing heat must be applied. Only after a specified amount of time under intense pressure can the Jell-O finally be removed from the pot and transferred into a dish to begin its cooling process in the fridge overnight. During such time, the wiggly jiggly substance conforms to its container.

Such is the case with my heart.

In this season, as the Lord increases the temperature to the boiling point, I admit: my flesh grumbles & complains a little (ok- a LOT!). Mercifully, I’ve also come to my senses by the power of His Spirit, and submit my will to this divine pressure. Instead of ignoring or idolizing the explosive emotions that emerge from the heat in my heart, I’m learning to press into the pain. As I do, I discover, like David did in his Psalms of lament; the Lord hears my cry. In these moments of raw vulnerability, I am laying down in green pastures… and He’s restoring my soul.  

I believe this, in part, is what it means to be a disciple.

Being.

Sitting.

At the feet of Jesus.  

Praying; in secret and in community.

Submitting to the Word; in secret and in community.

Worshipping; in secret and in community.

I’m also in counseling.

And I’m seeking wise advice (lots of couch convos with my best friend [my man], and a few trusted leaders & friends).

Making Jell-O is a process, my friend……as is transforming the heart.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.