The day after our 23rd wedding anniversary in 2019, our family visited Heart of the Father Ministry https://www.hotfmlakeland.com/ for the first time. As the worship team started playing, the youngest elder encouraged people to press into the Father’s heart. He invited those who wanted to enter the “splash zone” (altar area) to come forward. Our eldest daughter, the prophetic pioneer that she is turned and said, “I wanna go.” Without hesitation I responded, “let’s GO! You lead, I’ll follow.” In fact, the entire family followed.
Worshipping Jesus, among our brothers & sisters – who were complete strangers at the time, I had a powerful encounter with the Lord. I saw the Lord holding two hearts in His hands…
They were mine.
One was like Jell-o. The other looked like a piece of meat that had been over cooked in a pressure pot again-and again- and again. It was done. D-O-N-E, DONE! He simply asked, “which do you want?” Tears streaming down my face, I blurted out the quietest whisper I could muster,
“JELL-O!”
Immediately, His hand crushed the done heart- turning it into a pile of ashes beneath the jiggly jell-o heart.
His plans and purposes for my heart began unfolding as we left our fathers land in 2021, obeying Our Father’s call to go to a new land and live among a people who would love me back into the heart of the Father.
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. 3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. 4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. 6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.
The Lord…
is my Shepherd.
I wonder why David chose to use the word, ‘Lord’ in verse 1? Perhaps it was because somewhere in the midst of all the psalms he wrote in his journal, David’s relationship with God had grown up.
As a child, I heard the bible story about David slaying Goliath in Sunday School, but I remained satisfied with simply knowing about the God he loved, without actually knowing Him- and Him knowing ME. In my early twenties that all changed. While 9 months pregnant with our first child, I encountered the One reflected in the pages of Scripture in our master bedroom, sitting cross legged on the bed. Feeling the heaviness of all my rebellion against God, I confessed- out loud- and repented of every sin I could remember. Then, I received Jesus as Savior.
Savior.
But not Lord.
As Savior, I first came to know Jesus as Teacher. I began to study His commands, wanting to obey them. Later, I came to know Jesus as Prophet. After years of conversations sitting beside Him at the well, our relationship shifted. Like He did with the Samaritan woman, He asked about all my “husbands.” Yep, Jesus began digging up the dirt of my past!!! Why? Because He LOVES me!
He was calling me to follow Him out of infancy, into spiritual maturity. He wanted me to know Him as Shepherd. He’s doing it again, in this season. Calling me out of adolescence, into adulthood. He’s inviting me into more.
More rest.
More restoration.
More knowing Him as Savior and Lord.
Throughout my childhood in Him, Jesus’s words in Matthew always gripped me:
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. 3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. 4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. 6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.
Sojourning Sheep,
My head knows the Lord is my Shepherd, but admittedly, it’s been a difficult 18-inch journey towards my heart.
I’m what experts call a self- motivated, natural born leader. I’m a sheep and a shepherd. As a shepherd, I’m a doer. I get stuff DONE. Quickly, and as efficiently as possible. It’s a strength and simultaneously, a weakness. The joy of this God given skill is that I am bound & determined to complete an assigned task, come hell or high water. The sorrow is that I can often cross over into striving, doing things in my own strength. Like a sheep with blinders on, I go full speed ahead in the pasture, and in so doing, I sometimes fail to stop long enough to hear that still small voice. Especially when He whispers “you’re done now, it’s time to transition,” Instead, I keep doing, doing, doing without realizing the grace has lifted, and I’m fighting the good fight of faith- in my flesh.
As a result, I burn out.
I wear out.
I break out- into a volcanic explosion of anger towards the enemy… and fellow sheep.
Such is the case with the pasture I’m transitioning out of. I’ll spare you the gory details. Just know that my soul has suffered- not to the point of death as our Savior, but it has been pierced with many sorrows. I’ve taken a few ravenous bites from the big bad wolf and some nips from other sheep. Please know, I am not without sin in all of this. My words proved that my heart was not always fruitful in all my “bah, bah-ing” either.
After a few pity parties (thankfully they don’t last as long as they used to!) about the pain in the pasture, I made my way back to the Shepherd. There, I heard Him say, “LAY DOWN Jodie….I want to RESTORE your soul.” He whispered His instruction multiple times, confirming His Word through Scripture, trusted shepherds and mature sheep.
Even though the transition between sheepfolds didn’t go as I expected, I am grateful to know the One who leads me, guides me and cuts me between joint & marrow, exposing my inner most thoughts.
The LORD is a good Shepherd.
I have all that we need in and through Him.
His rod and His staff protects and comforts.
His direction brings REST.
His discipline RESTORES my soul!
I don’t know what kind of pasture you find yourself in this season. Whether you’re a sheep or a shepherd of His sheep, or both, I want to encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. Listen for His voice. Follow Him. Rest in Him. Stay close to Him. Let Him comfort & protect you. Eat of His body. Drink of His blood. LAY DOWN in His pastures. And live there- in His house of prayer.
18 One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers—Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew—throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 19 Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” 20 And they left their nets at once and followed him.
21 A little farther up the shore he saw two other brothers, James and John, sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, repairing their nets. And he called them to come, too. 22 They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind.
God called me to follow Him into homeschooling in 2007.
At the time, I had,
-A newborn son who required constant care.
-A non-verbal, sometimes violent, yet musically gifted daughter on the Autism Spectrum.
-A smart, social butterfly daughter who thrived being in the presence of a loving teacher & her very best friends every day in a public-school classroom.
-A natural born, strong-willed leader daughter who felt constant pressure from the system to perform a greater quantity of work in exchange of quality work.
Let me be perfectly clear: I did NOT want to be a homeschool mom! For heaven’s sake, I purposefully changed my major from Music Education to Mass Media Communications because I realized after talking to a long-time educator that I didn’t want to teach bratty kids, deal with ungrateful parents and fight an impossibly rigid public-school system. Plus, we had become a single income household after our 3rd daughter was born, so I logically concluded that we couldn’t afford to pay state taxes for public education AND pay for our children’s homeschool education!
So, I politely told God, “no.”
He laughed.
Several months (and many tears) later, I finally relented to HIS will.
Matthew 16:21-26
New Living Translation
21 From then on Jesus[a]began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead.
22 But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him[b]for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!”
23 Jesus turned to Peter and said,“Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”
24 Then Jesus said to his disciples,“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.26 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?[c]Is anything worth more than your soul?
I’ll spare you the gory details of what it has cost me to follow Him into homeschooling. But after 16 years, I say with absolute confidence, HE IS WORTH. IT. ALL!!!
Instead, my friend, I want to ask:
Did the Lord call you?!
IF the Lord called you to follow Him into homeschooling,
(not your spouse/kids/friends/self- wanting an alternative to public or private school)
THEN He will require you to:
(Matthew 16:24)
Give up YOUR way = time, talent, treasure
Take up YOUR cross = train your children in the way they should go (not the way everyone else is going)
Follow Him to YOUR death = as you teach your children, Jesus will teach you how to obey the Father; HIS Kingdom, HIS will, HIS way (not man’s kingdom, man’s will, man’s ways).
IF you chose to follow Him into homeschooling,
THEN you will be a servant who will suffer many terrible things at the hands of:
(Matthew 16:21)
“elders”
“leading priests”
“teachers of religious law”
Many won’t applaud or support your decision to homeschool. That’s ok. Please the Father, not people. He alone will judge us according to our deeds.
IF you will give up your life to follow Him into homeschooling,
THEN you will save it.
(Matthew 16: 25)
What needs to be saved in your life?
Your spirit? (Salvation in Jesus)
Your soul? (Mind, Will, Emotions)
Your relationship with God? (Worshipping Him in Spirit & Truth)
Your relationship with your husband? (Becoming One = body, soul, spirit)
Your relationship with your kids? (Loving them from the overflow of love you receive from the Father)
The cost of homeschooling has been great in my life. But what I have gained far surpasses anything I’ve lost. I pray the same is true for you!
Please share your homeschool story with us! (Comment below)
We’ve been living in the land God promised our family for over a year now. Indeed, it IS a land flowing with milk and honey. Actually, its flowing with orange juice and cattle! Centrally located between east & west coast beaches, Polk County, FL is full of cattle ranchers and citrus farmers.
Ten years ago, the Spirit of the Lord spoke to me in the secret place early one morning. He said He was removing the tent pegs of our temporary tabernacle, which would require us to leave our fathers land (both our dads were born & raised in NC) to settle in a new land where our family would dwell in a multi-generational house of prayer on a lake (HOTFM; Lakeland, FL). A series of dreams, divine encounters, visits down south and countless confirmations in Scripture confirmed the call for each member of our family- and the spiritual, emotional and physical cost each of us would pay to obey.
Living in- and leaving Egypt was a painful process, as I’ve written about in very raw language on this blog many times. I suffered rejection, betrayal and denial of what the Lord said through several of my closest relationships. I readily admit that I didn’t handle all the words spoken against me in a healthy way. Nor did I deal with the silent treatment that also ensued. Although I tried to forgive and forget while continuing to fight the good fight of faith, many scars began to fester and I started fighting a few battles in my flesh. A bitter root emerged as a result of self-righteous anger and the perceived injustice I felt.
But praise the Lord…Jesus still heals and delivers us from all our sin!!! By the power of His Spirit, the Word made flesh used several parts of His body to pray, encourage, correct and rebuke this emotionally temperamental teenager! One brave soul literally told me she saw a bitter root entrenched in my heart…and proceeded to intercede so that I could be set FREE. Hallelujah! A wonderful Christian Counselor has also helped me untangle from the thorns and thistles that grew in the soil of my soul the last 10 years.
Today, I can now say with confidence that like Jesus, I’ve learned obedience by the things I’ve suffered in this wilderness season. I’m not completely out of the desert, but I am beginning to see the end of this valley of the shadow of death, and I’m leaning even more on my Beloved!
The pain of the past is being consumed by the fire in His eyes. Jesus. The Word. IS powerful! When He speaks through Scripture, or by His Spirit in prayer, visions, dreams or divine appointments, He cuts straight to the heart. Separating between soul & spirit, He exposes… Every. Thing. Everything we’ve tried to hide from Him, ourselves and others in the garden. But if we’ll learn to trust Him through this process, we’ll receive His loving kindness which leads us to repentance.
In His presence, we are once again naked and unashamed. Fixing our gaze on the One who gave up His life for us. In that place, we realize HE is the only One we are accountable to.
As I am breaking free of this fear of man, I am re-discovering the need for God’s order of operations:
I’m sure I have many more lessons to learn in this land flowing with citrus and cattle, but for now I leave you with this encouragement, my friend: Seek FIRST the Kingdom!
46 As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him.47 Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, and they want to speak to you.”[a]
48 Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” 49 Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. 50 Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”
The Lord began highlighting this passage of scripture years ago, when He called me, like Abraham, to leave my father’s land to go to a new land which our family would inherit. In the midst of the process of uprooting from North Carolina, God continued asking: “who is my mother?” Simultaneously, He continued confirming His call to leave everything and follow Him over and over again through Scripture, dreams, visions and divine appointments with complete strangers! One dream in particular, He whispered “consider the cost…” I had NO way of knowing at the time, what that Word would require. Sure, I knew to some extent the “cost” would include physical hardships in selling a house, buying a house and moving a lifetime of stuff from NC to FL. And I knew there would be a spiritual battle as I obeyed. But what happened, was completely unexpected, as warfare often is. At some point in the process, many people I love opposed the Word in me. Yes, friends and family, alike, knowingly or unknowingly partnered with the accuser of the brethren against the promise I carried. The enemy would not go down quietly, without a fight. He wanted my soul to stay in Egypt; in bondage to Pharaoh, enslaved to the work of churning mud into bricks without straw (He literally gave me this vision at a corporate prayer meeting one night). Battered and bruised, I would not be moved! That slithering serpent even sucker punched me, with one final low blow beneath the belt when we arrived in Florida.
I realized pretty quickly, once we got somewhat settled into our new home and covenant community that I needed to come off the battlefield to rest and recover in the RED CROSS tent.
I’m still there.
It’s a strange thing to be living and growing and learning in the fertile land God promised, while simultaneously allowing the Lord to bind up my broken heart. In this season, I am surrounded by mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters in the faith who are caring for me in ways I cannot begin to comprehend. It’s miraculous. I’ve found my family!!! And we are living together in our Father’s house; a house of prayer- in central Florida, surrounded by cows and citrus farms! Multiple times a week, I meet with other intercessors who carry a burden to see His Kingdom come, His will be done. I often praise the Lord on my drive to and fro, “THANK YOU, Lord. You are faithful! You fulfilled your promise! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!” Gratitude explodes from my heart. And yet, sometimes…even in the proceeding moment- I cry out in the deepest grief.
How can this be?
I believe it’s all a part of the process ….of being transformed into His image.
You see, it was His Spirit that whispered the promise my elder Brother heard from Our Father in heaven. It was His Spirit that gave me the faith to obey His command. It was His Spirit that prepared me to leave Egypt. It was His Spirit that sustained me in the wilderness. It was His Spirit that enabled me to continue marching on towards the land flowing with milk and honey. And, it is by His Spirit that I am coming up out of this present wilderness, leaning on my beloved as I grieve the loss of my mother, leaving my father and sister, my spiritual mommas, and extended family and friends.
He is still with me; in gratitude AND in grief, He is with me…
Comforting me with His rod and staff.
Leading me through the valley.
Renewing my strength.
Guiding me.
Preparing me.
Honoring me.
Pursuing me.
And I will dwell in His house forever and ever, Amen!
My great grandfather, grandfather, and father were all farmers at various times in their lives. I, however, did not inherit their skill of plowing, sowing, waiting and reaping. In the physical sense, anyhow! But by the Spirit, I’m beginning to catch a glimpse of the Father’s heart regarding times and seasons.
Solomon, in all his wisdom, declares that there is a time to plant and a time to harvest. Instinctively, we tend to focus on the doing part of this verse (plant/harvest), but what about the being part; the “and a” season of transition?
A time to plant = doing
and a = being
A time to harvest = doing
Every farmer knows you never reap in the same season you sow. That “and a” season in between allows the seed TIME to die, take root, grow, emerge, and produce after its planted. Every parent understands the same analogy. There’s a transition between the seed being fertilized at the moment of conception and delivery. It’s the growing season called pregnancy! Nine months of developing until the appointed time for the child to be born. I’ll be honest, this child of God doesn’t really like transitional seasons. I can easily become impatient with the PROCESS. Often times, my impetuous nature tries to convince me to push through the transition because it’s so hard to just BE! To be still. And know that HE is God.
In this “and a” season, I am learning to embrace the PROCESS of death. For to know the power of Jesus in His resurrection, we must participate in His suffering, becoming like Him in death, amen? (Philippians 3:10)
The literal death of my mother.
The physical death of moving; our home, our church, our community.
The relational death (rejection, betrayal, denial) of family and friends.
From my vantage point, it has been a long, hard, painful season of:
Killing
Tearing down
Crying
Grieving
Scattering stones
Turning away
Searching
Throwing away
Tearing
Quietness
But from God’s vantage point, this PROCESS of transformation is but a moment in the timeline of eternity. His time and seasons have a PURPOSE. He wants to PRODUCE good fruit in me! He’s a good Farmer, He knows what He’s doing. I simply have to trust Him.
Deep Into the Water 