Children

Love myself?

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Matthew 22:37-40 New Life Version (NLV)

37 Jesus said to him, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest of the Laws. 39 The second is like it, ‘You must love your neighbor as you love yourself.’

Ever since my salvation, I have struggled to live this passage out. It seems as if during each season of life, I am constantly re-assessing and discovering that I’ve had these principals out of order. When I truly live out the first, everything else seems to fit into order- naturally. However, since becoming a stay-at-home wife, mom and then homeschool mom, I have found myself too many times being overwhelmed and frustrated because I have inadvertently, or sometimes intentionally put the ‘love your neighbor’ part first.

Not only is this disorder evident among many mom’s I know, it is also glaringly apparent in the church. After someone is saved, they are encouraged to perhaps join a small group or Sunday school class to be disciples, but more often then note, they are more strongly encouraged (or guilted into) joining a ministry team or serving on Sunday morning. Believe me, I understand the importance of serving God & advancing His Kingdom by serving others, but unfortunately, this disorder or priorities often pushes people to become works driven instead of serving out of an overflow of their love for God, themselves and their neighbors.

I have always read & understood the order of the above passage, as it is written; God, others, me. But the more I continue to have meltdowns and complain about no alone time, other people demanding time from me and rarely doing things for myself, the more the Holy Spirit is revealing his truth to me. Its not that I am a self centered, lazy woman who only wants her own way (this is what the enemy whispers every time I try to explain through sobs to my husband, why I feel overwhelmed-again!) its that I am living out of order….& thus, chaos erupts.

1 Corinthians 14:33

God isn’t a God of disorder but of peace.

Now God has created each of us uniquely different and the way in which this order plays out in our everyday lives will look unique as well. God has brought to my attention that I am more like the little girl I once was, who enjoyed playing in her playhouse-by HERSELF for hours at a time, other than the young adult I was who thrived in being the life of the party. Practically, I cannot retreat to a ‘playhouse’ (or any other house for that matter!) for hours each day because I DO have responsibility God has entrusted me with. So, I have to be strategic and disciplined with my time. I have to wake up before everyone in my family to read my bible & pray. And I have to say “no” to others sometimes in order to be mindful of how many activities emerge on my calendar. The latter has proven much more difficult for me. Its because I have put forth too much effort trying to please everyone else, fearing that they may be offended or mad at me, instead of loving God, loving myself, then loving them. Sounds self-centered huh? Its not. Its God’s design. If I had not loved myself by connecting with God daily, eating properly, exercising & getting adequate rest for 9 months when I was carrying each of our 4 children, there could have been catastrophic consequences for me- & them. If I don’t connect with God daily, eat properly, exercise & get adequate rest today, there can STILL be catastrophic consequences!

In my life, I prefer peace….and that only comes from God. So, in order to obtain it, I need to keep His order.

God

Me

Others (husband, kids, friends/extended family)

Looks like I have some more re-assessing to do to make that happen.

Raging sea

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Luke 8:22-25 New Life Version (NLV)

22 On one of those days Jesus and His followers got into a boat. Jesus said to them, “Let us go over to the other side of the lake.” Then they pushed out into the water. 23 As they were going, Jesus fell asleep. A wind storm came over the lake. The boat was filling with water and they were in danger. 24 The followers came to awake Jesus. They said, “Teacher! Teacher! We are going to die!” Then Jesus got up and spoke sharp words to the wind and the high waves. The wind stopped blowing and there were no more waves. 25 He said to them, “Where is your faith?” The followers were surprised and afraid. They said to each other, “What kind of a man is He? He speaks to the wind and the waves and they obey Him.”

Yesterday morning, while singing the chorus of ‘Your love never fails’ on our worship team, I was reminded of being tossed to and fro on the raging Caribbean Sea…..

On the final night of our 4-day Disney cruise, I began feeling the motion of the ocean far greater than I had experienced the previous days. While packing for the next morning’s departure, the doors inside our stateroom began opening & closing on their own! As Doug and I tried to maneuver through the adjoining rooms, we occasionally had to brace ourselves against the walls and furniture to keep from falling over. At first, my response was jovial ‘uh…are we sailing through a hurricane, or what?!’ But, as the lurching continued, scenes of Leonardo Dicaprio & Kate Winslet in the motion picture ‘Titanic’ began playing in my mind. Although Doug tired his best to assure me that it was a huge ship and that the crew knew exactly what they were doing, fear began to creep in…one wave at a time. 30 minutes later, I insisted that he retrieve the children from the kids clubs so that our family could be together (just, in case, the warning bells sounded, signaling us to don our life jackets and report to our meeting station, just as we had practiced on the first day of our vacation!) After all the children dismissed my concern and whined about having to come back to the cabin “early” (it was 11:00p) we quickly began getting ready for bed, knowing that we had an early wake up calling the next morning in order to disembark on time. As my head hit the pillow, the fear of dying at sea began to consume me, but the reality of being seasick, knowing that vomiting was imminent took precedence. After I lost my dinner, dessert and glass of wine, I returned to bed and began praying. Immediately, I was reminded of the above passage and I quickly felt a sense of peace that God would also calm the seas that were tossing our boat about.

All of us encounter raging seas in our lives from time to time. Some of them are completely unavoidable. Some, unfortunately, are brought upon us because we have chosen to disobey God and navigate unchartered waters. Regardless, we, just as the disciples did, have Jesus in our boat- all we need to do is call out to him….and he will bring a calm to our hearts, even as the waves continue to crash all around us.

“And when the oceans rage

I don’t have to be afraid

Because I know that you love me

Your love never fails”

-Your love never fails, Jesus Culture

Snow White or the Wicked Queen?

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Proverbs 15:1 New Living Translation (NLT)

A gentle answer deflects anger,
 but harsh words make tempers flare.

 

Proverbs 15:5 New Living Translation (NLT)

Only a fool despises a parent’s[a] discipline;
whoever learns from correction is wise.

These 2 verses go hand in hand in my life right now. Unfortunately, me and my children have been harsh and foolish instead of gentle and wise.

What is it in me that reacts so abruptly to disobedience in my children? I seem to have less and less patience for their errors recently- and it showed in my temper while on vacation. That, of course is the last place that you want conflict (6 people in a hotel room…) but, I suppose, when the kettle sits on the fire for so long, its bound to start screaming!

The real issue isn’t so much what my children are doing wrong, its that I am reacting in sin (not just anger) when they do.

Ephesians 4:26 New Living Translation (NLT)

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”

So what is triggering these outbursts of emotions in me and squashing the fruit of the Spirit in my life?

Being offended….and not forgiving.

I’ve been a mother for more than a dozen years. In the beginning I was a 24-7 care giver and milking cow of an infant, than an infant and toddler, then an infant and 2 toddlers, then an infant, toddler & 2 kids! Although I was on call every moment of the day and night, I was given lots of hugs & affection & “mommy…I wuv you’s.” But eventually….that thing called sin began to emerge full force in their little lives. It started with “don’t touch that” “be nice to the kitty,” “be gentle with your sister” etc….but as the years progressed & the training of our children increased, so did their need for consistent discipline. Somewhere in the midst of those years, my heart began to harden towards them whenever I had to constantly re-teach & re-discipline in the same area over and over and over again. What I failed to realize is that bitterness & resentment had crept in and in order to survive in my role as stay at home mom, I began to just go through the motions of every day life…

Sadly, I am no the only mommy that has felt this way from time to time- but what is even more disturbing is that its almost taboo to talk about it! But, I’ve never been one that went along with the crowd, so here it is: the real struggles of a desperate housewife (& mom)!

While receiving ministry through RTF this area of unforgiveness towards my children surfaced what I was asked “Jodie…do you need to forgive your kids for ______?” I was stunned. The thought had never occurred to me. ME, forgive my kids? What for? I’m the parent, they’re the child…they are going to disobey! I’m supposed to disciple and train them….what needs to be forgiven?

Every offense against me….

Ignoring me when asking them to do something

Throwing a fit when told “no”

Giving me a dirty look while I explain why I said “no”

Mumbling and calling me names behind my back

Constantly interrupting my adult conversations

Playing instead of doing chores and school work

Talking disrespectfully to me

There’s plenty more….but I’ll stop there!

Shortly after I walked through the steps of forgiving each of my children I began walking in an abundance of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self control. It was amazing! However, sometime after that….I slipped back into my old habits of being offending, yelling & occasionally saying choice adjectives because I was annoyed that I had to discipline my kids in the same areas over and over and over again! Eventually, I realized that I needed to walk through the steps of forgiving each of my children….again. Does the forgiveness and discipline and training every end? Uh…..no. Because I had to do it all again this week, after visiting the happiest place on earth!

After spending an entire day at Magic Kingdom and 4 days on a Disney Cruise (with a few thousand other people) I was exhausted! But when we added whining, sibling rivalry, disobedience & attitude from my kids….I quickly turned from Snow White into the wicked Queen! After snapping at my prince (who, really had done nothing wrong, but unfortunately received the brunt of my anger) I retreated to my castle, aka: bathroom (because it was the ONLY place I could be alone to have a melt down!) & spent the next hour sniveling and processing my exaggerated emotions with my husband. I discovered that deep down I felt disrespected and ultimately, unloved by my children and I had taken offense to their behavior instead of daily choosing to forgive them for being…..well, sinful kids.

It makes me wonder how many times I have offended My Father. How often has He disciplined and trained me as I continue to do the same stupid things over and over and over again? Yet, He still loves me and willingly sacrificed His Son for me. And, when I seek forgiveness- He is quick to give it and show me, once again, which path to take.

Regrettably, I don’t always model His perfect love towards my children. But, in my imperfection, I still have the opportunity to train them to repent and seek forgiveness. Which, a friend once told me is a “daily act of obedience.”

This morning, I asked for forgiveness for every way I have sinned again My Father….and He washed me White as Snow. Then, I chose to forgave each of the children that He has blessed me with. NOW, I am equipped with the fruit of Spirit to discipline and train my children over and over and over again….and I’ll even ‘whistle while I work!’

Windows of Heaven

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Proverbs 21:20 New Living Translation (NLT)

20 The wise have wealth and luxury,
but fools spend whatever they get.

By no means do I consider our family to be wealthy but, when I compare myself to the truly poor of this world, we have way more than we could ever need-or want. Its when I measure myself against the American standard that I can become insatiable & well….. foolish.

We don’t have cable TV, but when we visit family or stay in a hotel, one of my favorite networks to watch is HGTV. My husband, on the other hand, can’t stand it! He’s correct in his perceptions of some of the people- they are never content with what they have and they feel entitled to obtain EVERYTHING on their want list! Episode after episode this scenario repeats itself as you see people’s struggle to remain under budget for reno’s or mortgage loans. More times than not, they quickly throw caution to the wind and blow the budget.

Fools.

Doug and I were in that category for at least the first 10 years of our marriage. Whatever was in the checking account is what we spent! We were never satisfied.

Matthew 6:21 New Living Translation (NLT)

21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

The journey to becoming wise (which we are still on) started with giving God 10%. My stubborn, disobedient self gasped in horror when my husband asked me to write the first check. I think it was $50- nowhere near 10%. Months later, I began reasoning with him as he told me to increase it to $200!!! When our giving finally reached 10% we then heard a convicting sermon about giving 10% of your gross income, not your net!!!! (Somebody please give me a chair…I’m gonna pass out!!!) Its not as if we couldn’t afford to give God a greater portion…its just that it was going to take away from the money WE wanted to spend on what WE wanted. To remedy that situation, we chose to be…… foolish! We decided that instead of disciplining ourselves to spend less, we’d just use our credit cards more…and so, we remained in bondage to our debt.

Proverbs 22:7 New Living Translation (NLT)

Just as the rich rule the poor,
so the borrower is servant to the lender.

After years of living in the debt cycle, we asked the Holy Spirit to teach us God’s view of our finances….and what we discovered is that ALL of it comes from God and ALL of it should be used for His glory- not our own. And when we use it as He instructs us, we will be wise.

No greater example of this is the season of unemployment we went through in 2010-2011. People still ask how we got through a year without any debt (actually, we do still have a debt; our mortgage). But here is the simple truth:

God provided.

Not only did He provide for all of our “needs” but He also gave us some of our “wants.” Allow me to explain how that season played out:

Approximately 18 months before Doug was laid off, I flippantly said “we have more $ in our saving account than we’ve ever had, do you think you’re gonna lose your job?”

It wasn’t a flippant comment, it was God’s provision.

When Doug lost his job, we continued to tithe 10% of every increase we received:

-severance package

-unemployment from the state

-cash/checks that were given to us as gifts

We said “no” to several items on our “want” list:

-family camping trips

-new clothes

-Home-school co-ops

-Field trips

-Extra curricular activities

-Eating out

-Hair cuts & color

-Cable TV

-Family entertainment (movies, putt putt, children’s museums, etc)

-purchasing a pop-up trailer for our family camping adventures.

-taking a Disney Cruise we had been saving for

And then we began to witness the truth of this promise:

Malachi 3:10 New Living Translation (NLT)

10 Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in!

Windows of heaven:

-mortgage and every other utility bill was always paid on time

-we never skipped a meal- or snack, for that matter

-another family invited us to go with them on their vacation

-we received LOTS of hand-me-downs for almost every member of our family

-a family paid for all 4 of our children to attend a co-op class

-a family paid for a portion of gymnastics classes for all 4 of our children

-people took us out to eat, or invited us to their home for dinner

-people brought us groceries

-no one needed medical attention for year (no insurance)

And, almost a year later…. God poured out a blessing so great, we didn’t have enough room to take it in!!! Next month, we will be taking that Disney Bahamian Cruise we had been saving for! Here’s how God provided for that:

-We purchased a 4 night Disney Bahamian Cruise for 6, but we only paid for 5 (Disney Rewards)

-FREE hotel for 3 nights in Orlando (Marriott Rewards)

-FREE tickets to Magic Kingdom (Disney Rewards)

-$100 on board credit (Disney Visa Cardholder “gift”)

HGTV may be able to install some beautiful windows, but I’d much prefer for God to open the windows of heaven for me…..wouldn’t you?

Praying for an RV?

/ Jodie / Leave a comment

Luke 11 New Living Translation (NLT)

1 Once Jesus was in a certain place praying. As he finished, one of his disciples came to him and said, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”

2 Jesus said, “This is how you should pray:[a]“Father, may your name be kept holy.
    May your Kingdom come soon.3 Give us each day the food we need,[b]4 and forgive us our sins,
    as we forgive those who sin against us.
And don’t let us yield to temptation.[c]”

5 Then, teaching them more about prayer, he used this story: “Suppose you went to a friend’s house at midnight, wanting to borrow three loaves of bread. You say to him, 6 ‘A friend of mine has just arrived for a visit, and I have nothing for him to eat.’ 7 And suppose he calls out from his bedroom, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is locked for the night, and my family and I are all in bed. I can’t help you.’ 8 But I tell you this—though he won’t do it for friendship’s sake, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistence.[d]

9 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

11 “You fathers—if your children ask[e] for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? 12 Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! 13 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.”

Shortly after our son saw the movie “RV” he began asking us to buy one. We reasoned with him, telling him how expensive they are and how much it costs to maintain one, but he’s 5- and he has no concept of money. So, one day, after the 5,000th time of him asking I said “how about you start praying about an RV…and ask God if it’s His will that we have one?” He immediately shut his eyes and starting asking!

Now, I know what some of you are probably thinking…why would I set him up to be disappointed? Why don’t I just continue to tell him “no?” Or, better yet, why don’t we just buy an RV?!

Because its about way more than an RV…..

When we first read verses 9-10 about asking, seeking, knocking, we attribute this persistence in asking to be about what we want and we draw the conclusion that if we ask enough, we’ll get it. But God is not a God who is manipulated by our desires or smooth talking. He is the One that determines what is good for us for the long haul, not just what will make us ‘happy’ in the short one.

If you read further down to verse 13, we see that Jesus is actually teaching His disciples to ask their Heavenly Father for the Holy Spirit. And, therein lies the key to our asking….But if first starts with correctly oriented our hearts to the Father. Once again, Jesus shows us how to do that back up in verses 2-4

1)    Praise God for who He is

2)    Ask for God to provide for our needs

3)    Repent & ask for God’s forgiveness of our sins

4)    Forgive those that have hurt us

5)    Rebuke the enemy

You see, prayer is more about building a relationship with Our Creator than it is about giving God our Christmas list. When we read or hear stories about others who get everything they ask for, we are sometimes left dumbfounded and confused that we aren’t getting the same treatment. And what can eventually set in is bitterness towards God and we quit talking to Him. I know this to be true, because, I’ve been there…

However, as I disciplined myself to read more of God’s word and ask Him for more of His Spirit, I began to understand more about this crucial aspect of our relationship with Him. When I began putting Him in his rightful place (first in everything) my prayer list began to change. I started hearing God’s heart about myself, my husband, my children, people around me…and the things I wanted.

By encouraging my son to ask the Lord for an RV, I’m not passing the buck or setting him up to be disappointed. I’m training him to learn to listen for God’s heart on the matter. It is a discipline that will serve him well if he learns it at a young age. And, who knows…this desire in his heart to own an RV may have come from His Creator and it may be given to him, just as he asked….& THAT would build his faith in the Lord far greater than me constantly telling him “no” or going into debt to buy him what he wants.

Worry

/ Jodie / 2 Comments

Philippians 4:6-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace….

Every person who has accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior has a direct access to the Creator of the Universe. Unfortunately, many of us don’t use it enough!

Prayer.

Behind my sisters home lies a shallow, rocky river. If you look upstream to the left, you’ll notice a tree that uprooted during a storm and has fallen across the entire width of the river. Downstream from that tree, the water appears to be stopped and becoming stagnant. But, further down river, the water is once again trickling over the mossy rocks.

When that river flows, the way it was designed, it brings life to all those within and around its banks. When there is an obstruction that is not quickly moved-the river is in danger of becoming still and stagnant, resulting in possible death for those that depend on it for substance.

I have had several trees of worry fall into my river in my 36 years. The result of not having them removed quickly has lead to insomnia, anger and lack of joy. When I finally notice the affects of the decaying tree on my relationship with my Creator, spouse & children I try with all my might to remove it…but….that just leads to more worry & anger! Eventually, my stubborn pride relinquishes its hold and I go to the source of the river- the only One who can remove that tree. And, every time, without fail, His peace washes over me….

Years ago, when a worry tree fell into my river, the Holy Spirit prompted me to write a thankful list in my journal. I was amazed at how many items there were! When I finished writing, I praised the One who was due my gratefulness. And wouldn’t ya know it- I experienced God’s peace.

During my bible/prayer time this morning, another worry tree began leaning over my river. As our family approaches another season of unknown (Doug’s contract position ends next month), the temptation to worry about financial provision, possible relocation for a job, change in our home-school schedule, etc….can become overwhelming. But, when I reflect on our lives less that a year ago, I remember the miraculous ways that my Father removed every tree of worry…… and I KNOW that He can and will do it again!

All I have to do is:

-pray about everything

-tell God what I need (He doesn’t mind hearing about some of my wants either!)

-thank Him for all He has done

Here’s part of my thankful list for the past 18 + months:

-a year of time at home with my husband & children during unemployment

-financial provision (severance package, checks/cash from family, friends, anonymous people, not accruing debt!)

-divine health for all 6 of us

-God revealing Himself as my true comforter (when my husband was away for more than a week at a time)

There’s plenty more to be thankful for, but right now I just want to be still and watch the river flow….

Psalm 46:10

New Living Translation (NLT)

“Be still, and know that I am God!”

 

 

When I grow up I want to………….

/ Jodie / Leave a comment
(Originally posted to The Bullard Pack blog on 9/2/09)
Marry a prince, live in a castle, have 13 children, drive a limo (notice I said, drive, not be driven in!), and work at the joint (my idea of a “joint” was my favorite restaurant, “Bob’s Big Boy.” It was the place I could order a scrumptious silver goblet, which was basically a chocolate shake served in a silver container).”
Needless to say, over the years, my dreams changed a bit. By the time I hit college, I was NOT interested in getting married, or having ANY children. I wanted to be a professional working woman, making the big bucks. I wanted to live in a metropolitan area, see the world, and do whatever I wanted! Then *BAM!*, God stepped into “my” plan.
It all started w/ an unexpected visit at my college room-mates parents’ home. As I rolled out of bed (literally!) on a Sunday morning in June, three young men, dressed in suits and ties stood before me. Two of the three young men had known my roommate from their Jr/Sr High youth group. As I sat and listened to their conversation, I was particularly interested in the tall, skinny, tan one with the gorgeous blue eyes. The visit didn’t last long b/c I interrupted to announce that I was going to get lunch (remember, at this point in my life, it was all about me!). Later that afternoon, as my roommate and I sat in the drive thru at Taco Bell, I asked her for more details on the “one” guy. After a few details about that handsome young man, I quickly replied, “well, I think I’ll marry him.”
It didn’t take long for the “one” w/ the gorgeous blue eyes to call and invite me to a gathering at his apartment (I think it was just an excuse to see me again!). Shortly after that, we had our first official date. That date led to another one, and another one and another one. Six months later, we were engaged. The rest, as they say, is history…………….
After we were married, I finished college and worked full time for about 3 years. Then the babies came (boy, did they ever! The first two in 18 months, followed by a miscarriage, then another one, then another one 2 years later!) I was officially a “stay at home” wife and mommy. Then, if THAT wasn’t enough, God called us to remove our older two children from public school so that we could begin homeschooling!!!
Isn’t it funny how sometimes our dreams don’t seem to match up w/ the direction that we thought our lives go? In our short sightedness, it can appear that God didn’t listen to our childhood wishes, or give us the things that we wanted. However, I believe He DID fulfill my dreams (I just got some of the specifics a little messed up!). For you see, I DID marry a prince (he may not be royal in name, but he is in my heart). I DID get 4 of those 13 children (I think God knew what I could handle!). I DID get to drive my own car- albeit a mini-van (a limo would probably not be conducive to car seats anyhow!). And, the “joint” I work in, turned out to be our family home.
What are your dreams?
Perhaps God has already given you yours, but you just haven’t realized it.
-Jodie