Fear

IF your gift is…

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Romans 12:3-9

3 Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.[b] 4 Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5 so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

6 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. 7 If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. 8 If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.

A dozen years ago, I was fired from serving— at church. Technically, I was told to take a mandatory sabbatical from my volunteer position in children’s ministry, but it felt like I was fired.

In the weeks and months that followed I became an offended, angry and bitter woman who acted more like a child than a leader of children. I began gossiping about the staff members who dismissed me. I pointed out every weakness in them in order to convince myself (& others) of my superiority and subsequent righteousness over them. And when I prayed (ranted) to God, I believed that the blame rested entirely on their shoulders- and that they should be punished.

But, as the months turned into a year, my heart began to soften and I was finally able to listen to God.

I forgave.

I repented.

And I realized that I needed to be fired.

The truth is, my motivation for serving was completely wrong. Sure, I was doing what church leaders told me to do:

“Don’t be a consumer Christian- SERVE”

“Find a ministry that has a need and fill it!”

“Its not about you, its about doing for others.”

I was using the talents God gave me to lead children’s worship. I was faithful to show up for meetings and practices. I trained other volunteers. I served almost every weekend…. during all 4 services. I enthusiastically sang and danced right up to my 40th week of pregnancy- and I only took a few weeks off after giving birth!

But I wasn’t worshipping God.

I was worshipping service.

IMG_4321I was offering “sacrifices” on the altar of ministry, but I didn’t love the One who sacrificed everything for me.

I read the bible occasionally.

I prayed even less.

I was neglecting areas of my relationships with my husband and our children.

I wasn’t submitted to other parts of the body of Christ.

So God allowed me to be fired to re-order my life:

  • Love God.
  • Love others (as I love myself).
  • Make disciples.

My fellow disciple, let this be a warning to you: don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourself.

Are you loving God?

(If not, take a mandatory sabbatical and begin worshipping Him alone)

Are you really loving others?

Then use the gifts He has graciously given you:

(out of your fear of God– not man)

IF your gift is serving others- do it!

IF it’s prophesying, deliver it!

IF it’s teaching – preach it!

IF it’s encouraging, speak it!

IF it’s finances – give it!

IF it’s leading – do it!

IF it’s kindness – release it!

“Don’t be Afraid, Mary”

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Luke 1:30-31, 34-35

30 “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus.

34 Mary asked the angel, “But how can this happen? I am a virgin.”

35 The angel replied, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. 

Matthew 1:18-21

18 This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. 19 Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.

20 As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. 21 And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

An angel did not appear to me while I was engaged, but I have heard the Holy Spirit speak a few promises about our lives together since our marriage took place. Unfortunately, I haven’t always exercised patience and self-control in waiting for that information to be communicated to my husband!

I wonder if Mary had a conversation with Joseph after she heard God’s promise from Gabriel:IMG_1067.JPG

“Joseph, I’m pregnant!”

(silence)

“The Holy Spirit did it.”

“What the what?!?”

“I’m going to give birth to the Son of God.”

“Um…what?!?”

“Joseph- its true! An angel told me…don’t you believe me?”

“Mary, that’s impossible.”

I wonder if Mary felt abandoned and afraid for her future. I wonder if Joseph felt angry and afraid of the scandal. Regardless, being a good man, Joseph broke the engagement quickly and went home. Then, an angel appeared to him in a dream and confirmed the same promise Mary heard – with a few more details. He was to take her as his wife, and name the child she carried, Jesus.

  • Mary heard from God.
  • Joseph heard from God.
  • They obeyed.
  • God fulfilled His promise.

Why don’t I realize that God will do the same for me?

I am afraid.

I don’t trust God, I trust in my current circumstances.

I don’t believe God, I believe the lie of the enemy that says; “it’s impossible.”

I don’t fear God, I fear my husband not hearing and obeying (how self-righteous am I?)

But….. I don’t have to be afraid!

  • I can choose to surrender my soul (mind, will & emotions) to my Father in Heaven.
  • I can choose to trust Him.
  • I can choose to fear Him alone.
  • I can choose to believe in Him.
  • I can choose to declare; “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.”

And that obedience will give birth to the miraculous:

  • I will know that HE loves me.
  • I will know that HE is trustworthy.
  • I will know that HE is faithful.
  • I will know that HE will cause all things to work together for good.
  • I will know that HE will fulfill His promises for our marriage.

Master Yoda?

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Deuteronomy 13:4, 6-8

4 Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.

6 “Suppose someone secretly entices you—even your brother, your son or daughter, your beloved wife, or your closest friend—and says, ‘Let us go worship other gods’—gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known. 7 They might suggest that you worship the gods of peoples who live nearby or who come from the ends of the earth. 8 But do not give in or listen. Have no pity, and do not spare or protect them.

In Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith, Anakin Skywalker, having had prophetic dreams about his wife, Padme’s death, vows NOT to let the visions come true. Arguing with a Jedi Master, he eventually asks (begrudgingly):

“What must I do, Master Yoda?” IMG_1052.JPG

In which the tiny green warrior replies: “Train yourself to let go……of everything you fear to lose.”

Ironically, its Anakin’s pride, which leads to his wife’s death in childbirth, just as the prophecy foretold.

What relationships do you fear to lose?

Your brother or sister, son or daughter, beloved wife or husband, or your closest friend?

Hopefully, none of these people would intentionally try to entice you to “go worship other gods,” but don’t underestimate the power of the dark side which strives to convince your soul to love people more than you love God.

I’ve been guilty of fearing man, not God. I’ve “worshipped” my desire for peace and security and love from my husband instead of trusting God to fulfill my every need. I’ve “worshipped” my children, wanting desperately for them not to be mad at me, instead of enforcing discipline when they’ve disobeyed. I’ve “worshipped” the acceptance and approval of friends and brothers and sisters in the Lord instead of boldly saying “No. I’m going to obey what God has told me to do, not what you think is best for me.”

During this season of life, I’ve experienced times of intense loneliness and feelings of isolation. Each and every time I’ve come to my secret place to grieve, the Holy Spirit has reminded me that I’m holding on to people, more than I’m clinging to God. Through this process of continual revelation & repentance, I have come to see that my Master is training me to let go of everything I fear to lose……

May the force (who sent His only Son to die for your sins) be with you (as you seek to love Him, fear Him, obeying His commands, listen to His voice, and cling to Him).

When you see Me

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John 12:44-46

44 Jesus shouted to the crowds, “If you trust me, you are trusting not only me, but also God who sent me. 45 For when you see me, you are seeing the one who sent me. 46 I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.

As a child, did you ever awaken in the middle of the night after a bad dream and cry out “daddy…daddy I NEED you!?”

Why do we choose to remain alone in the dark when we become adults? Why do we stop crying out to our Father for help?

We refuse to humble ourselves and pray.

2 Chronicles 7:14

14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.

Despite the fact that I realize prayer can eclipse the darkness around- and in me, it’s still not always my first weapon of choice. Instead, I often rely on my superior intellect and abilities to light my candle so that I can find the fastest, easiest way out of the dark.

Case in point:

IMG_0218As our family boarded an Airbus A321 during the wee morning hours last Saturday to travel to our vacation destination, I was once again consumed with worry. “What if there’s another terrorist attack? What if the pilot has mental illness and crashes the plane? What if we hit unexpected turbulence and fall from the sky? What will I do? How will I comfort our children?”

As I tried to rationalize these fears with statistics (you know the one about being more likely to die in a car accident that on an airplane?) I heard the Holy Spirit whisper “I am with you….”

Would I trust Him, or myself?

Thankfully, I chose Him.

But just to make sure that He was on that plane, this daughter cried out “daddy, daddy…I NEED you- please show me where you are!” When I looked towards the center aisle I saw Him (not physically, but in the Spirit) sitting on the floor, with the biggest grin, shouting “this is gonna be FuuuuUN!” I chuckled after I noticed the fighter pilot glasses He was wearing and control yoke He was holding to fly the plane (He looked a bit like Snoopy, aboard his red doghouse!!!).

IMG_0226As we flew south like birds for winter, the light of the sun began to rise and penetrate the darkness inside the aircraft. Simultaneously, the light of the Son began to rise and penetrate the darkness inside my soul. And once again, I was able to know that HE is God, that HE is in control, that HE holds the keys to death and the grave…. and when its time for me to die physically, HE will be with me- and then, then I will spend all of eternity praising the One who sent Him!

The Blazing Furnace

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Daniel 3:16-30

16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18 But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

19 Nebuchadnezzar was so furious with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego that his face became distorted with rage. He commanded that the furnace be heated seven times hotter than usual. 20 Then he ordered some of the strongest men of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. 21 So they tied them up and threw them into the furnace, fully dressed in their pants, turbans, robes, and other garments. 22 And because the king, in his anger, had demanded such a hot fire in the furnace, the flames killed the soldiers as they threw the three men in. 23 So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, securely tied, fell into the roaring flames.

24 But suddenly, Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in amazement and exclaimed to his advisers, “Didn’t we tie up three men and throw them into the furnace?”

“Yes, Your Majesty, we certainly did,” they replied.

25 “Look!” Nebuchadnezzar shouted. “I see four men, unbound, walking around in the fire unharmed! And the fourth looks like a god[a]!”

26 Then Nebuchadnezzar came as close as he could to the door of the flaming furnace and shouted: “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!”

So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stepped out of the fire. 27 Then the high officers, officials, governors, and advisers crowded around them and saw that the fire had not touched them. Not a hair on their heads was singed, and their clothing was not scorched. They didn’t even smell of smoke!

28 Then Nebuchadnezzar said, “Praise to the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego! He sent his angel to rescue his servants who trusted in him. They defied the king’s command and were willing to die rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. 29 Therefore, I make this decree: If any people, whatever their race or nation or language, speak a word against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, they will be torn limb from limb, and their houses will be turned into heaps of rubble. There is no other god who can rescue like this!”

30 Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to even higher positions in the province of Babylon.

IMG_4466I’ve been thrown into life’s blazing furnace multiple times. On several occasions I’ve asked God to pleeeeeeeease untie my hands so I could escape the sweltering heat, but He refused.

Honestly, that infuriates me. My rational mind thinks, “why would You allow your daughter to suffer?!” But when I finally get over my temper tantrum and humble myself before the King of kings my spirit re-engages with His and I no longer feel the need to defend myself. Then, ever so gently, He reminds me that His Son experienced unimaginable suffering on my behalf. Never once did He declare His position or power to defend Himself. Instead, He trusted the Father, knowing He was sovereign and that His plans, no matter how painful, were for good.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s story is absolutely remarkable to me. Their faith in the One true God was put to the ultimate test by king Nebuchadnezzar. When faced with certain death, they believed God could save them from the blazing furnace. They also knew that if He didn’t, He had a good reason. These 3 men felt no need to defend themselves from being punished unfairly, instead they made it quite clear that they would never serve his gods or worship any idols.

As the enemy of my soul increases the heat, making the furnace seven times hotter during this season of my life, my faith will once again be put to the ultimate test.

Will I believe God can rescue me?

Will I believe if He allows me to be thrown into the furnace that He has a good reason?

Will I believe that He will be with me in the fire?

Will I believe that He will give me the strength to stand?

Will I believe that He will deliver me without a singed hair, scorched clothing or the smell of smoke lingering in my soul?

My mind knows He’s done so over and over and over again, but my flesh sometimes still doubts Him.

So what do I do?

The truth is, I can do nothing…..without Christ.

Philippians 4:13

13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

Every single day I must continue to crucify my flesh by submitting my will to the Father. I must ask Him to pour out His Spirit on me in greater measure so that I will have the strength to stand. I must worship Him, regardless of how I feel. And I must fix my eyes upon Jesus, instead of the flames, so that I can continue walking with Him, wherever He leads.

Today’s Trouble

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Matthew 6:25-34

25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

IMG_5157This morning, as I walked through our unfinished kitchen to make myself a cup of strong coffee I laughed as I looked out the window and saw large snowflakes cascading down from heaven. “20% chance, huh?” I said to myself. “Well, GREAT- I suppose this means the contractor and cabinet installer won’t be coming to finish the job today!!!”

As the text messages and emails began coming in, confirming my assumptions that everything was cancelled, I continued to try to laugh off the worry creeping into my mind. “Will this renovation ever end? When and how am I going to reschedule all this stuff….I’m already over booked as it is!!!”

Pause.

Retreat to my secret place to read His Word and talk to Him.

Ok. All better.

Really?

No.

I then picked up the book my mom recently loaned me and began reading another chapter of Kay Warren’s “Choose Joy Because Happiness Isn’t Enough.” I even stopped to type, print, and post the following quote on our dry erase board to convince myself to stop worrying:

“Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.”

Ok. All better.

Really?

No.

I went back to the kitchen (did I mention, its still not finished, after nearly 6 weeks?!?) for a snack and to gaze out the window at the beauty of His creation, covered in a blanket of white. With a full tummy, I returned to my secret place to watch the little birds hopping around the backyard, pecking through the snow for their snack. Then it hit me:

“LOOK AT THE BIRDS!!!! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” (emphasis mine)

Why do I worry? It’s because I don’t trust God. Instead, I rebel against Him by allowing my fear (fear of losing valuable time, fear of not being able to get everything done, fear of disappointing others, fear of losing control of….everything!!!) to dominate my mind, will and emotions. But yet, even though I continue to sin against My Father, He takes the time out of His VERY busy schedule to show me, through the majesty of His creation, that I am far more valuable to Him than the little birds.

As the revelation of His truth began melting into my soul, like the snowflakes that will soon disappear when the temperature begins to rise, I realized that tomorrow will bring enough worries of its own. So, today I choose to sit right here in my secret place and stare out the window at the millions of tiny snowflakes lying all over our yard and praise the One who continues to remind me to trust Him…..in everything.

Letting Go

/ Jodie / 1 Comment

Matthew 14:22-33

22 Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. 23 After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone.

24 Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. 25 About three o’clock in the morning[a] Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!”

27 But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here![b]”

28 Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

29 “Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the strong[c] wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

31 Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

32 When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. 33 Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.

On Sunday, my husband and I surprised our oldest daughter with a zip line and sling shot trip for her birthday. As I stepped into my harness and began the safety lesson, I started praying….asking God to help me NOT be afraid. Down the first line I went. “Woo hoo! This is fun. I can do it!” my mind said. But, as the height, length of the line and speed increased, so did my heart rate- and so did my fear. Apparently, I began mumbling my anxious thoughts out loud because at some point, our daughter turned and said, “Mom, just lift your feet and let go.” Yes, ma’am. Down the line I went, zipping past towering pines, oaks and birch trees native to North Carolina, a trickling creek, an abandoned mill house and a rushing waterfall. Absolutely breathtaking.

2014-10-19 16-13 0

Had a refused to let go of the side of the boat, lift my feet and walk on water I would have missed out on a great adventure. I would have missed the gorgeous views from the treetops. I would have missed the thrill of riding through the woods, suspended from a thin line. I would have missed sharing a new experience with our daughter. I would have missed another lesson God wanted me to learn.

What happened to the other disciples in the boat? Why didn’t they go over the side and walk on water? Were they too afraid and thus content to just sit and watch Peter? Did they rationalize that if their friend sank, they would too? What did they miss by not letting go?

Today, as we celebrate our daughter turning 15, I realize the next few years will require a LOT of letting go. Driving. Dating. College. Career.….. We have tried to train her in the way that she should go, but we’ve failed in a lot of ways. A lot. Yet, by the grace of God, we’ve been blessed to watch this strong willed, brilliant, athletically talented, gifted, compassionate young leader emerge and begin her journey of climbing out of our boat, onto the water, to walk towards her Savior.

Letting go on a zip line is hard. Letting go of our children is harder. Yet, I know that God is in control. I know that He can be trusted. I know that His plans for all of our children are good. And I know that whenever the strong wind and waves develop in their lives, He will be there to reach out and grab them. I know this because He’s done the same for me, His daughter.