Marriage

Foundation

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Matthew 7:24-27

24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

For the last few years, we’ve (by that, I mean, my husband!) been repairing cracks in the fireplace and front porch of our home. As the problem persisted, however, we eventually hired a contractor to repair and re-cement the fractured bricks. IMG_4737

Last month, after much prayer and waiting, we decided to go ahead with some other household projects we had been delaying. One of which, was a full kitchen remodel. Our house was built in the 1980’s and the décor and design isn’t necessarily our style. We’ve done numerous upgrades and cosmetic changes to every room of our colonial style home, but I’ve been HGTV-dreaming of bringing our kitchen (aka: my workplace) into the 21st century for 8 years! With sketches and designs in hand, I called our contractor to begin the task of getting estimates. Upon his recommendation, we also decided to call a structural engineer to see if he could fix the chimney and front steps at the same time. I was NOT prepared for what he had to say, after he inspected our property. “Um, ma’am…the front steps and chimney are cracked and settling, but that isn’t the real problem. Your foundation has sunk 1-2 inches and will continue to drop. You can choose not to repair the issue, but eventually, it will pull so far away from the original foundation that it may bring the living room, upstairs bedroom, chimney and front steps crashing down.”

What the what?!?!

If that wasn’t enough of a punch in the gut, the estimate for repairing it WAS.

Dream kitchen budget = $0.00

Foundation repairs = $      (a few more zeros…. and other numbers)

Homeownership. Isn’t it fun?!

In the coming weeks, a team of engineers will descend upon our property in order to drill steel pipes past the sandy soil in our front yard (we live in the Sandhills of NC) until they hit bedrock. Once the jacks are literally cemented into the ground, they will attempt to lift our house back to its original foundation.

During the first several years of our marriage, Doug and I also made some cosmetic and design changes to our relationship. For the short term, they seemed to work- and look good from the outside…but eventually, issues began to resurface and show major cracks in our foundation. What we failed to realize was: our lives- and our marriage was not built on solid rock. And when the rains, floods and winds of sin, neglect and unforgiveness hit, they began to destroy our home.

Thankfully, however, we eventually chose to surrender to the Master Structural Engineer and through the help of a few contractors, we were able to see the cracks, drill down to bedrock, install pillars of Truth and begin to restore our relationship to His original plan. Was it costly? Yep. Moving out of sinking sand not only affected our hearts, minds and souls- it also affected our bank account. But believe me when I tell you- it was completely worth it (let’s hope I say the same thing when I write that check out to the engineers!).

More

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Genesis 37:3-4
3 Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe.[b] 4 But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him.

Joseph’s brothers hated him because their dad continually showed more love for their little brother- not them.

It happens all too frequently in family, between siblings, in marriage, among friends, and even in the church. We blame another person as a result of feeling rejected by the one we wanted to love us… more.

All of us are heart wired to be loved. God designed us that way. We come into this world screaming for attention from our father and mother. If our heart isn’t filled, we’ll throw a hissy fit, disobey, or do whatever it takes to be noticed. Add a sibling to the mix and the desire seems to increase- exponentially!

Left unsatisfied, our broken heart eventually falls prey to the tactics of the enemy. As a result, we unknowingly begin to form a hardened heart, which blames everyone around us, except for the person who didn’t love us….more.

If our wounded heart is left unattended for too long, we inevitably begin to hurt others, lie and cause overwhelming grief to the ones closest to us.

Genesis 37:23-35
23 So when Joseph arrived, his brothers ripped off the beautiful robe he was wearing. 24 Then they grabbed him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it. 25 Then, just as they were sitting down to eat, they looked up and saw a caravan of camels in the distance coming toward them. It was a group of Ishmaelite traders taking a load of gum, balm, and aromatic resin from Gilead down to Egypt.
26 Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain by killing our brother? We’d have to cover up the crime.[a] 27 Instead of hurting him, let’s sell him to those Ishmaelite traders. After all, he is our brother—our own flesh and blood!” And his brothers agreed. 28 So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces[b] of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.
29 Some time later, Reuben returned to get Joseph out of the cistern. When he discovered that Joseph was missing, he tore his clothes in grief. 30 Then he went back to his brothers and lamented, “The boy is gone! What will I do now?”
31 Then the brothers killed a young goat and dipped Joseph’s robe in its blood. 32 They sent the beautiful robe to their father with this message: “Look at what we found. Doesn’t this robe belong to your son?”
33 Their father recognized it immediately. “Yes,” he said, “it is my son’s robe. A wild animal must have eaten him. Joseph has clearly been torn to pieces!” 34 Then Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. 35 His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep.

The only cure to release the toxin of hatred that forms in our hearts is to throw ourselves down at the throne of Grace. When the King of Kings begins to perform healing heart surgery and shines His light through the damaged areas of our soul, we begin to see that those we were jealous of and spent a great deal of energy hating weren’t the ones who originally caused us pain. Occasionally, the Holy Spirit may even make a deep incision, revealing that we have blamed Our Creator. Whether we consciously think about it or not, in the recesses of our heart, sometimes we find it difficult to understand how a loving God would allow us to be hurt by those He placed in our lives to love and protect us. Blame God? No way. That’s just not right. God is perfect, sovereign, holy, righteous, blameless….
Yeah, He is. But that doesn’t mean that our imperfect hearts don’t wanna point the finger at the One in charge. We’re sinners, after all, who often lean toward the selfish and self-serving desires rather than the chosen, redeemed, restored heart of a saint. Yet, knowing this, God in his loving kindness still beckons us not to deny our feelings or hide our brokenness in an empty cistern. IMG_4310Instead, He calls us to pour out our complaints so that He can show us His perspective, His truth, His love.

Psalm 142:1-2
1 I cry out to the Lord;
 I plead for the Lord’s mercy.
2 I pour out my complaints before him
 and tell him all my troubles.

And miraculously, once we confess, repent and forgive, we are able to receive more unfailing love from Our Father than all the grain in Pharaoh’s storehouses.

Ephesians 3:18
18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.

Do What They Say

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Hebrews 13:17

17 Obey your spiritual leaders, and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit.

IMG_4126Last week, our family embarked on our first ever class 1 and 2 white water rafting adventure in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. During the bus ride down to the river, our guides gave us a short (and I do mean SHORT) lesson on paddling in order to navigate safely down the 8 mile stretch of water -and how to avoid going overboard. When we arrived at the waters edge and climbed into the rubber boat, I assumed 1 of the 3 guides would continue with their instruction, instead, they shoved us into the water and we were quickly on our way! Since my husband was the only one out of the six of us who had previously experienced white water rafting, we unanimously elected him captain in order to navigate us down the Lehigh River.

As my fear began to rise, feeling extremely unprepared to venture into uncharted waters, I began paddling like a mad woman- completely ignoring my husband’s directions. As some of our children followed my lead, chaos quickly erupted and we all began struggling against one another- and the rapids. In the midst of pandemonium, however, I heard that still small voice tell me to STOP and obey the voice of my leader….

After I took a deep breath, and began paddling at Doug’s command (and the children followed suit) our boat began floating along, almost effortlessly down the river….and all of us were able to enjoy the ride.

The same struggle to successfully maneuver through the uncharted waters of life often occurs within my marriage and family. I am quick to see the whitewater emerging around the bend and the dangerous rocks that loom beneath the surface of the deep that threaten to overturn us. What I often fail to realize, however, is that my captain (husband) has a different vantage point, and ultimately, he is responsible to God for how he chooses to navigate. My responsibility is simply to trust God and *obey my captains directions as we journey down the river together. As an engaged co-captain, I should be able to relay any potential warnings to my captain, but ultimately, I must learn to let go of my fears and leave the navigating to him. Sure, there will be times when he doesn’t lead wisely, but he’s human- and bound to make a few mistakes. And yes, since we are in the same boat, I may get splashed by the waves, or hit a few boulders, or perhaps even get tossed overboard, but…..if I continue to trust God, and submit my will to His, I will be able to enjoy the ride- despite the raging waters beneath me.

 

*I would not obey my husband’s directions if he was deliberately engaging in sin- or asking me to do the same.

Tree Planted Along a Riverbank

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Jeremiah 17:5-10

5This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
    who rely on human strength
    and turn their hearts away from the Lord.

6 They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
 with no hope for the future.
They will live in the barren wilderness,
    in an uninhabited salty land.

7“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
 and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
  with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
 or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

9“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
 and desperately wicked.
 Who really knows how bad it is?

10 But I, the Lord, search all hearts
and examine secret motives.
I give all people their due rewards,
 according to what their actions deserve.” IMG_2963Years ago, during a Sunday morning worship service, God showed me a vision of a tree planted along a riverbank. It had incredibly long roots that were reaching deep into the water, but some of its roots were also climbing up the bank, towards a cluster of trees planted on top of the raven. The above mentioned verse immediately came to mind when I saw the roots that reached deep into the water, but it would be many seasons later before I discovered why some of the trees root system was reaching away from its life source. After recording a horrible sketch of the mental image in my journal, I didn’t think any more about it, until a few months ago when I was praying about moving my blogs to another site. God reminded me of that tree and when I finally dug out my old journal and flipped to the sought after page, I realized that tree was ME….with roots that are often divided. I’ve been a follower of Jesus for nearly 15 years. In the early days of my pilgrimage, I tried to do all the “right things;” read my bible, pray (alone- NEVER in a group!), attend worship services, serve on a ministry team, join a bible study….which were all necessary disciplines that I needed to submit to, but they caused me to only know God in an intellectual sense. I was learning to love God with my mind, but my soul and strength were climbing up the riverbank towards the other trees. My desperately wicked heart was torn between surrendering my will to my Creator and surrendering to what I wanted. Once I chose to submit to Jesus’ call to repent, my heart softened to the revelation that in order to truly love God, I must obey His commandments- all of them. In surrendering my will to His, I began to fall in love with the Lord and He began to show me the barren wildernesses of my soul. In what has been a supernatural, marvelous journey of restoration and redemption, God has retracted some of the roots that were going astray and retrained them to turn back towards His living water. Despite life’s circumstances, when I choose to reach deep into the water and trust the Lord (not mere humans) with my life, marriage, parenting, etcetera, I am not bothered or worried by long months of drought. Instead, I am blessed AND able to remain confident that He alone is my refuge and my fortress.

Psalm 62:5-8

5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.

6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
 for God is our refuge.

Psalm 91:1-2

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
 will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
 my God, in whom I trust.”

Religious Leaders

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Matthew 23:1-12

Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, 2 “The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees are the official interpreters of the law of Moses.[a] 3 So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don’t follow their example. For they don’t practice what they teach. 4 They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden.

5 “Everything they do is for show. On their arms they wear extra wide prayer boxes with Scripture verses inside, and they wear robes with extra long tassels.[b] 6 And they love to sit at the head table at banquets and in the seats of honor in the synagogues. 7 They love to receive respectful greetings as they walk in the marketplaces, and to be called ‘Rabbi.’[c]

8 “Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters.[d] 9 And don’t address anyone here on earth as ‘Father,’ for only God in heaven is your spiritual Father. 10 And don’t let anyone call you ‘Teacher,’ for you have only one teacher, the Messiah. 11 The greatest among you must be a servant. 12 But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

 

According to Webster, a leader is a person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country.

DSC_0419I have had the privilege of leading various groups of people for more than a decade. When my husband and I started a non-profit ministry to serve married couples in 2010, I was also given the responsibility of leading an organization. I found it strange, however, that once I had a title behind my name and a few business cards to hand out, I felt different. It didn’t take me long to discover that I, like other “religious leaders” was becoming proud of my calling, my knowledge, my gifts and my ability to attract followers. I quickly realized that if I didn’t humble myself before the Lord, I would be in serious danger of becoming a Pharisee.

I’ve served under a variety of leaders in the body of Christ in the years since I became a follower of Jesus. I’ve been crushed by some of their demands and watched in amasement as they never lifted a finger to help the ones in which they led. I’ve heard some give powerful speeches about loving one another and then watch them walk off the stage and treat others with contempt and disrespect. I’ve sat in auditoriums filled with volunteers at service appreciation banquets while guest speakers praised the pastor and staff over and over and over again, declaring that we, the body had the greatest among men/women leading us….all the while wondering if they were talking about the same people I served under for years!? I’ve witnessed new believers climb the ranks from volunteer to team leader to staff member at a rapid pace…and sadly, I’ve seen those same kind hearted people become a clone of their mentor; reflecting the same arrogant attitude of superiority towards those whom they were leading. Julius, in “Remember the Titans” summed up their transformation perfectly: “attitude reflects leadership……captain.”

In the remaining verses of Matthew 23, Jesus condemned the religious leaders 7 TIMES saying, “what sorrow awaits you. Hypocrites!” Sadly, I must admit, I’ve heard Him say the same to me. He has humbled me on more than one occasion when I have exalted myself above my fellow sojourners. I pray that He continues to do the same through the power of His Word, through my conversations with Him, and through the rebukes of those who lead me, serve alongside me, and those who follow my example.

Matthew 23:13-39

13 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you shut the door of the Kingdom of Heaven in people’s faces. You won’t go in yourselves, and you don’t let others enter either.[a]

15 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you cross land and sea to make one convert, and then you turn that person into twice the child of hell[b] you yourselves are!

16 “Blind guides! What sorrow awaits you! For you say that it means nothing to swear ‘by God’s Temple,’ but that it is binding to swear ‘by the gold in the Temple.’ 17 Blind fools! Which is more important—the gold or the Temple that makes the gold sacred? 18 And you say that to swear ‘by the altar’ is not binding, but to swear ‘by the gifts on the altar’ is binding. 19 How blind! For which is more important—the gift on the altar or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20 When you swear ‘by the altar,’ you are swearing by it and by everything on it. 21 And when you swear ‘by the Temple,’ you are swearing by it and by God, who lives in it. 22 And when you swear ‘by heaven,’ you are swearing by the throne of God and by God, who sits on the throne.

23 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens,[c] but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things. 24 Blind guides! You strain your water so you won’t accidentally swallow a gnat, but you swallow a camel![d]

25 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! 26 You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish,[e] and then the outside will become clean, too.

27 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. 28 Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness.

29 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you build tombs for the prophets your ancestors killed, and you decorate the monuments of the godly people your ancestors destroyed. 30 Then you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would never have joined them in killing the prophets.’

31 “But in saying that, you testify against yourselves that you are indeed the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32 Go ahead and finish what your ancestors started. 33 Snakes! Sons of vipers! How will you escape the judgment of hell?

34 “Therefore, I am sending you prophets and wise men and teachers of religious law. But you will kill some by crucifixion, and you will flog others with whips in your synagogues, chasing them from city to city. 35 As a result, you will be held responsible for the murder of all godly people of all time—from the murder of righteous Abel to the murder of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you killed in the Temple between the sanctuary and the altar. 36 I tell you the truth, this judgment will fall on this very generation.

18

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 Proverbs 18

Unfriendly people care only about themselves;   they lash out at common sense.

2 Fools have no interest in understanding;    they only want to air their own opinions.

3 Doing wrong leads to disgrace,  and scandalous behavior brings contempt.

4 Wise words are like deep waters;   wisdom flows from the wise like a bubbling brook.

5 It is not right to acquit the guilty   or deny justice to the innocent.

6 Fools’ words get them into constant quarrels;    they are asking for a beating.

7 The mouths of fools are their ruin;    they trap themselves with their lips.

8 Rumors are dainty morsels   that sink deep into one’s heart.

9 A lazy person is as bad as    someone who destroys things.

10 The name of the Lord is a strong fortress;   the godly run to him and are safe.

11 The rich think of their wealth as a strong defense;    they imagine it to be a high wall of safety.

12 Haughtiness goes before destruction;    humility precedes honor.

13 Spouting off before listening to the facts   is both shameful and foolish.

14 The human spirit can endure a sick body,    but who can bear a crushed spirit?

15 Intelligent people are always ready to learn.   Their ears are open for knowledge.

16 Giving a gift can open doors; it gives access to important people!

17 The first to speak in court sounds right—  until the cross-examination begins.

18 Flipping a coin can end arguments;    it settles disputes between powerful opponents.

19 An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city.  Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

20 Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.

21 The tongue can bring death or life;    those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

22 The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,   and he receives favor from the Lord.

23 The poor plead for mercy;    the rich answer with insults.

24 There are “friends” who destroy each other,   but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Yesterday, on the 18th day of May, Doug and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. IMG_1830Mid morning, as we sat on the back deck, sipping our cups of coffee, Doug read Proverbs 18 aloud. I began to chuckle as I recalled the years we’ve spent together and how Solomon’s words of wisdom so aptly applied to our lives….

During the first five or so years of our marriage, we were both unfriendly people. Our constant quarreling proved we cared only about ourselves. I, for one, aired my opinion much to frequently and my mouth was my ruin on many occasions. I had absolutely NO interest in understanding my husband – or my God.

Through the years we’ve since learned how hard it is to win back one another’s trust and affection after an offense. We’ve realized that wise words, spoken at the right time, can satisfy the soul. We’ve also discovered that God honors humility and it is the key to resolution and restoration in a relationship.

In the two decades we’ve known one another, we’ve experienced joy and grief, happiness and despair, life and death….but the greatest experiences we’ve known are the ones in which we have seen and felt the presence of God. For without Him, there would be no marriage. Without Him, there would be no love. Without Him, there would be no possible way for one man and one woman to become one flesh after living together for 18 years!

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Idols

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Ezekiel 6

 Again a message came to me from the Lord: 2 “Son of man, turn and face the mountains of Israel and prophesy against them. 3 Proclaim this message from the Sovereign Lord against the mountains of Israel. This is what the Sovereign Lord says to the mountains and hills and to the ravines and valleys: I am about to bring war upon you, and I will smash your pagan shrines. 4 All your altars will be demolished, and your places of worship will be destroyed. I will kill your people in front of your idols.[a] 5 I will lay your corpses in front of your idols and scatter your bones around your altars. 6 Wherever you live there will be desolation, and I will destroy your pagan shrines. Your altars will be demolished, your idols will be smashed, your places of worship will be torn down, and all the religious objects you have made will be destroyed. 7 The place will be littered with corpses, and you will know that I alone am the Lord.

8 “But I will let a few of my people escape destruction, and they will be scattered among the nations of the world. 9 Then when they are exiled among the nations, they will remember me. They will recognize how hurt I am by their unfaithful hearts and lustful eyes that long for their idols. Then at last they will hate themselves for all their detestable sins. 10 They will know that I alone am the Lord and that I was serious when I said I would bring this calamity on them.

11 “This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Clap your hands in horror, and stamp your feet. Cry out because of all the detestable sins the people of Israel have committed. Now they are going to die from war and famine and disease. 12 Disease will strike down those who are far away in exile. War will destroy those who are nearby. And anyone who survives will be killed by famine. So at last I will spend my fury on them. 13 They will know that I am the Lord when their dead lie scattered among their idols and altars on every hill and mountain and under every green tree and every great shade tree—the places where they offered sacrifices to their idols. 14 I will crush them and make their cities desolate from the wilderness in the south to Riblah[b] in the north. Then they will know that I am the Lord.”

 

IMG_2963At a glance, some of the Old Testament seems to portray only an angry, vengeful God. Upon further examination, however, and through the revelation of the Holy Spirit, these passages about God’s judgment illuminate His fierce love for His people. Our God is a jealous God. He created us for Himself. Therefore, He has every right to be angry when we turn our back on Him and devote our lives to the worship of idols.

The idols of today may look different than the carved images referenced in the book of Ezekiel. The heart behind them, however is still the same: rebellion against God through the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life.

At a glance, my life may seem to portray only a perfectly devoted follower of Christ. Upon further examination, however, and through the revelation of the Holy Spirit, one would see that I too can be guilty of worshipping idols.

Each day I have a lengthy list of things to do as a:

Wife

Mother

Home-school Teacher

Marriage Mentor & Teacher

If I’m not submitted to the Lord in them, they will quickly become all consuming, and I will take ownership of every one. Refusing to acknowledge that GOD is the One who placed me in these roles for His purposes and His glory alone will confirm that my soul is worshipping these areas of service- or the people in whom I serve.

So, how do I continue to uncover any hidden idols in my heart?

1)   Read God’s Word

2)   Pray; asking the Holy Spirit to reveal any pagan shrines

Once God has identified the idols, I then have the choice to:

a)   Continue worshipping them

This option will lead to death… not necessarily a physical death, but an emotional and/or spiritual death will occur in my relationship with God -and others. Left abandoned for too long, those relationships will begin to rot away until there is nothing but an empty life “littered with corpses…..”

b)   Clap my hands in horror, stamp my feet and cry out to God to forgive me for these detestable sins!

This option will lead to life and freedom. God will destroy every shrine, and I will escape the destruction that was planned for me. And once again, I will know that HE alone is the Lord and HE alone is worthy of all honor and glory and praise.