Pride

Let God Speak

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Exodus 20:19

19 And they said to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen. But don’t let God speak directly to us, or we will die!”

As I read the following words from Oswald Chambers this morning, my heart ached and my eyes began to water, as I reflected on the season of my life when my marriage was falling apart…

“We show how little we love God by preferring to listen to His servants only. We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we do not desire that God Himself should speak to us. Why are we so terrified lest God should speak to us? Because we know that if God does speak, either the thing must be done or we must tell God we will not obey Him. If it is only the servants voice we hear, we feel it is not imperative, we can say, “Well, that is simply your own idea, though I don’t deny it is probably God’s truth.”

Am I putting God in the humiliating position of having treated me as a child of His whilst all the time I have been ignoring Him? When I do hear Him, the humiliation I have put on Him comes back on me- “Lord, why was I so dull and so obstinate?” This is always the result when once we do hear God. The real delight of hearing Him is tempered with shame in having been so long in hearing Him.”

Because of the shame I was feeling, I told no one what was going on when I was contemplating leaving my husband. Day after day I ranted and raved and wept alone. I was desperate for help, but too stubborn to ask for it. Months later, when Doug invited me to join one of his counseling sessions, I finally relented and went along. During the hour long appointment, I sat on the sofa, hearing the counselor speak to us, but I was determined not to listen. I was convinced that Doug was the problem- not me, therefore I didn’t need to speak to anyone…including God. Many sessions and months later the Holy Spirit broke through my stubborn pride and my marriage began the road to restoration in which we are currently still traveling. What I have since discovered has been a key in understanding how to deal with conflict with my spouse:

-FIRST, I must speak directly to God, or areas of my soul (mind, will and emotions) will remain “dead.”

-THEN, I must obey what He says.

-IF I am unable to hear Him (because of sin or deception by the enemy), I must seek godly counsel. 

Proverbs 15:22

22 Without consultation, plans are frustrated, 
But with many counselors they succeed.

IMG_2982Even in the midst of this season in my life, as I am reaping the blessings of God’s restoration of my marriage I still speak and listen to my Father about “issues” with my husband. Sometimes I hear Him very clearly and His Spirit brings confirmation….or conviction. But sometimes, He is silent, or what I hear sounds a lot like what Jodie wants and it doesn’t quite match His character, which is reflected in His Word. In those times I speak with one or more of my mentors. Then, after I have listened to their wise counsel and guidance I go back to the Lord to seek His Truth. It’s a genius communication system our God put in place long before I was created to be His daughter, or Doug’s wife. Prayer has radically changed my life as a follower of Jesus and it has become one of the keys to oneness in my marriage.

If your marriage is dead, and you haven’t been hearing God speak, I encourage you to go ahead and ask “Lord, why was I so dull and so obstinate?” Then listen……and obey what the Holy Spirit whispers. If He remains silent, seek counsel from a godly friend or mentor.

Restored Marriage

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Hosea 6:1-7

“Come, let us return to the Lord.
 He has torn us to pieces;
 now he will heal us.
 He has injured us;
 now he will bandage our wounds.

2 In just a short time he will restore us,
 so that we may live in his presence.

3 Oh, that we might know the Lord!
 Let us press on to know him.
He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn
 or the coming of rains in early spring.”

4“O Israel[a] and Judah,
 what should I do with you?” asks the Lord.
“For your love vanishes like the morning mist
 and disappears like dew in the sunlight.

5 I sent my prophets to cut you to pieces—
 to slaughter you with my words,
 with judgments as inescapable as light.

6 I want you to show love,[b]
  not offer sacrifices.
I want you to know me[c]
 more than I want burnt offerings.

7 But like Adam,[d] you broke my covenant
 and betrayed my trust.

When we purchased our fixer upper colonial style house in 2006 we were excited to have a much larger eat in kitchen than our previous home. But, to be honest, we really, really, really didn’t like the country style cabinets, worn out appliances, broken countertop or faux stone vinyl flooring. However, due to a limited budget, we were only able to replace and update a few items on our “to do” list before we moved in. In the 8 years since, we completed several more cosmetic changes until we recently decided it was time to tear the room to pieces and remodel.

IMG_5006Last week we stripped the popcorn off the ceiling (NOT a fun job…I highly don’t recommend it!) and hired a contractor to rip out the cabinets, patch sheet rock and lay ceramic tile flooring. In a short time, cabinets and countertops will be installed, and the room will be restored. Not only will it be a functional working place to prepare meals, but a beautiful space to gather with family and friends around the table.

When our marriage hit its breaking point in 2001, Doug and I scrambled to make a few cosmetic changes to our relationship. But, it didn’t take long for us to discover that God, in His loving kindness, intended to cut our pride and disobedience to pieces. To be honest, we really, really, really didn’t like the entire process. Yet, Our Father, in His infinite wisdom, knew that in our hearts, we were merely offering sacrifices and burnt offerings… and not loving Him and knowing Him the way that He desires.

The restoration of our marriage seemed to take longer than “a short time,” but, when we look back over those years of being torn and injured, we realize in view of eternity, His promises came rather quickly. Not only has our relationship been restored, we function much better than we used to and our love for one another has become more beautiful than the day we said “I do.”

Broken marriages take time to be healed, but time alone heals nothing. Returning to the Lord in humility with a heart of repentance and allowing Him to bandage your wounds does. And once you have been restored to your first love, you can live in His presence and truly know Him. Only then will you be able to be restored to your second love…. and the two of you become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother, and will be joined to his wife. And they will become one flesh.

Everything that is Hidden

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Mark 4:21-25

21 Then Jesus asked them, “Would anyone light a lamp and then put it under a basket or under a bed? Of course not! A lamp is placed on a stand, where its light will shine. 22 For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light. 23 Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”

24 Then he added, “Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given[a]—and you will receive even more. 25 To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.”

For the past few weeks our house has been a complete WRECK, and for some of those days, so have I!

Foundational repairs and a kitchen, half bath and laundry room remodel is enough to make anyone insane, but add extended work hours for my husband, rearranging half the house, home-school and extra-curricular activities to the mix, and well….you get the idea!

On the days I’ve felt peaceful amidst the chaos I’ve thanked the Lord for helping me through the destruction- I mean, construction. And on the days I’ve felt like my life and my house was literally falling apart, the Holy Spirit reminded me that He has something more to teach me.

IMG_4979When our contractor ripped the 30-year-old kitchen cabinets off the walls this week, we discovered a patch of ugly, flowery, 1980’s wallpaper that was hidden behind the microwave and range. This morning, after I told the Lord how frustrated I have been with my husband this week, I paid close attention to His response: my husband wasn’t to blame.

What the WHAT?!

It was a basket. A basket that had been blocking a portion of His light for 30 years! A basket that was hidden behind my pride.

Grateful for the ears to hear and the heart to understand, I thanked God for illuminating yet another area of my soul that was not yet submitted to Him.

Light.

Repentance.

Basket destroyed.

Oneness with my husband restored.

What’s hidden behind the cabinets in your marriage? Ask the Lord to shine His light into every secret place. Then, strip that hideous wallpaper down! I promise you, your spouse will appreciate the remodel.

Excited People

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Exodus 32:1-6IMG_4920

When the people saw how long it was taking Moses to come back down the mountain, they gathered around Aaron. “Come on,” they said, “make us some gods who can lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.”

2 So Aaron said, “Take the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters, and bring them to me.”

3 All the people took the gold rings from their ears and brought them to Aaron. 4 Then Aaron took the gold, melted it down, and molded it into the shape of a calf. When the people saw it, they exclaimed, “O Israel, these are the gods who brought you out of the land of Egypt!”

5 Aaron saw how excited the people were, so he built an altar in front of the calf. Then he announced, “Tomorrow will be a festival to the Lord!”

6 The people got up early the next morning to sacrifice burnt offerings and peace offerings. After this, they celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in pagan revelry.

One of the many struggles I’ve faced as a leader is the desire to want to be liked by the people I’m serving. Although God has required me to love my neighbors and to make disciples, He has never promised that all of them would be my friends. Furthermore, He hasn’t promised that any of them will even LIKE me!

It appears as if Aaron struggled with the same desire to be accepted. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have listened to the people trash talk Moses while he was away worshipping God…. and then help them make an idol to worship!!!

Excited people are infectious. They speak and act with such fervor and facts that its easy to be pulled into their need for instant gratification. Mixed with our lack of patience in seeing God’s promises quickly come to fulfillment, the enemy uses our pride to convince us to take tangible items, melt them down, and worship what emerges from the fire.

Ludicrous.

Yet, it happens all too often in the Body of Christ.

Even though it may feel at times, like Jesus has gone up a mountain and left us, He is always present. Through His Spirit, His children are able to take possession of the land God has promised throughout the earth. In order to do that with greater effectiveness, however, we need “Aaron’s” who refuse to be swayed by excited people who demand their own way. We also need “Moses’s” who serve the Lord, regardless of the consequences. And we need people who are willing to kill their desire to be accepted by their excited brothers, friends and neighbors.

Time to take up my sword and obey God.

Exodus 32:27-29

27 Moses told them, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Each of you, take your swords and go back and forth from one end of the camp to the other. Kill everyone—even your brothers, friends, and neighbors.” 28 The Levites obeyed Moses’ command, and about 3,000 people died that day.

29 Then Moses told the Levites, “Today you have ordained yourselves[a] for the service of the Lord, for you obeyed him even though it meant killing your own sons and brothers. Today you have earned a blessing.”

I Don’t Love My Husband

/ Jodie / 2 Comments

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

I don’t love my husband. At least, not in every way mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

After a recent conflict filled conversation with my groom, I retreated to my secret place to ask God “why am I so irritated with this man!?” The answer was swift and clear: although some of my expectations of him were accurate according to scripture…most of them were self-centered. In short, during our discussion, I was continually demanding my own way.

Grrrrrr……

Then, ever so sweetly, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me (again!) that the deepest, purest, holiest and most complete love is always available from my Father. And when I engage in an intimate relationship with Him, all my expectations are met.

The love chapter was declared at our wedding 18 years ago and I’ve read this passage hundreds of times. But today, fresh revelation breathed life into the words penned by Paul. The majority of this section of scripture talks not about what love is, but how we try to manufacture it by what we do. How many times have I been caught up in the vicious cycle of serving others, instead of loving my husband? How many times have I spoken in unknown languages, prophesied, had great faith and given to the poor, but not loved the man I pledged to love for richer and for poorer, whether or not he met all my expectations, or showed love in return? My noisy gongs and clanging cymbals are far too numerous to count.

Let’s be honest. It’s easier to do things for our friends, family, or those in the body of Christ to remove our feelings of guilt or to fulfill our deep desire to be loved, feel important, worthy or needed. It’s difficult however, to invest our time, talents and treasure into our second most important relationship on this earth; our marriage, because loving our spouse largely goes unnoticed by them or others, and we are rarely praised for our efforts. Yet, if we’ll just be still for a moment each day to know and be consumed by the One who is love, we’ll realize that it “is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.” Then, when we surrender to His will, the Spirit will produce fruit that will enable us to love our spouse without giving up, or losing faith, and we will always be hopeful as we endure every circumstance….’till death do us part.

IMG_4385I don’t want to love my husband like a selfish child. Instead, I want to put away childish speech, thoughts, and reasoning so that I can submit to my groom out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:21-24

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

6 Feet Deep

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Romans 7:14-25

14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[b] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

IMG_4845Occasionally, when we darken the doors of a building where His church gathers, we hear a convicting sermon that points to the obvious sins in our life. But what about those sins that are 6 feet deep, just like the bodies that lie in the cemetery next to those beautiful sanctuaries? How on earth do we recognize those hidden sins that live in the darkness of our souls?

We ask the Holy Spirit to use a shovel, or a backhoe, or whatever earth mover He needs to remove the layers of dirt so that His light will illuminate the sinful nature that continues to reek havoc- and bring death to our daily lives.

Every time I read this passage that Paul penned so very long ago I realize that no matter how holy I think I am or how worthy I believe my call from Him is, I am faced with the dilemma that there is another power within me that is at war. When the Holy Spirit brings conviction to the things I’ve done wrong they always, always, always reflect the sin that was committed in the garden at the dawn of creation:

-lust of the eyes (I see it)

-lust of the flesh (I want it)

-the pride of life (I justify why I should have it)

Even though I think I love Gods law with all my heart, there are still places that are not yet fully submitted to His lordship. Places where I’ve been hurt because of my wrong expectations of Him- or others. Places where I’ve sinned and not repented. Places where I’ve failed to trust Him completely and subsequently decided to taste the fruit for myself.

It all sounds terribly defeating – this cycle of wanting to do what is right, but inevitably choosing wrong. But there is HOPE….. a Savior, who is Christ the Lord! Who was born of a virgin, suffered and died for our sake, so that we could live a life free from the slavery of sin. Free from spiritual and emotional death. Free from everlasting torment.

Do you want a relationship with this Savior? Do you want to experience the freedom He offers? Then I implore you to read the following passage, and do what it says. If you already have a relationship with Jesus, but find yourself feeling 6 feet deep, retreat to your secret place and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any area of hidden sin. Then confess, repent and forgive, as He leads. If, however, the dirt is not easily lifted, ask a godly mentor to bring a shovel over to help you dig!

Romans 10:9-12

9 Because if you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

10 For with the heart a person believes (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Christ) and so is justified (declared righteous, acceptable to God), and with the mouth he confesses (declares openly and speaks out freely his faith) and confirms [his] salvation.

11 The Scripture says, No man who believes in Him [who adheres to, relies on, and trusts in Him] will [ever] be put to shame or be disappointed.

12 [No one] for there is no distinction between Jew and Greek. The same Lord is Lord over all [of us] and He generously bestows His riches upon all who call upon Him [in faith].

Afraid of the Dark

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Genesis 1:2

2 The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. 

IMG_4381For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid of the dark. As a little girl, when sleepwalking, I would quickly move towards the nightlights that illuminated certain rooms in our home. As a newly married adult, I installed nightlights in every room of our apartment when my husband worked the night shift so that I could quickly inspect every square foot when I woke in the middle of the night.

Throughout my life I’ve tried plugging in nightlights to the dark areas of my soul. But regardless of how hard I tried to illuminate myself, I was always left feeling empty. In my stubbornness & pride, I attempted to do what only the Holy Spirit can do; bring light, revelation, comfort & healing to the dark, broken areas. In my efforts to control my fear, I neglected to see that God has and will always be in control of the darkness and His Spirit has and will always hover over the surface of the deep.

I’ve recently learned that when I quit trying to expel the darkness in my own strength, choosing instead to listen to the One who created the heavens and the earth, I do not need to be afraid! For God has called me, by name and said “Jodie, you are mine…when you go through deep waters, I WILL be with you!”

Isaiah 43:1-2

But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
    O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
 I have called you by name; you are mine.

2When you go through deep waters,
 I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
 you will not drown…..

Fear is a powerful tool in the hands of the enemy. It feeds itself by lurking in the shadows of our mind, will and emotions. But, when we trust God and allow His nightlight to penetrate the darkness, we see that our fears were often over exaggerated and distorted in relationship to His Truth. Sometimes, yes, the Truth may hurt, for God has not promised us a life free from suffering. Yet, as we go through the deep waters, our relationship with The Father will become deeper, for we are being transformed into the image of His Son.

“To choose to suffer means that there is something wrong; to choose God’s will even if it means suffering is a very different thing. No healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he chooses God’s will, as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not.”

-Oswald Chambers

Are you afraid of the dark? I want you to know, my friend, that God is more powerful than the one who lives in darkness, more able to plunge into the deep water to save you, and more loving than anyone on this earth can reflect. Believe me when I say, you can trust Him…..so go, sit before Him and ask Him to shine His light on the areas of your life that need to be illuminated.