Author: Jodie

Disciplined Disciple

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I have a great deal of respect for the marathon runner. It takes an extreme amount of discipline and determination to train for a 26.2 mile race. The hours, the distance, the terrain, the weather, the body aches, and the fatigue that they endure is at times, I’m sure, more than they can bear. Yet, they continue to run. Why? They have disciplined their mind, will and emotions to keep going until they reach the finish line.

I discovered many years ago that becoming a disciple of Jesus was going to be costly (Matthew 15:25-35). Not only would I have to repent of a LOT of sins, and ask the Holy Spirit to help me not continue in the same cycles, but I discovered that having a relationship with God was going to require quite a bit of work. I was going to have to be disciplined and begin training to run my race that He had set out before me. Now, I have to be completely honest- my initial training was, well, pretty pitiful. I only read my bible & prayed on Sundays, or the occasional Tuesday mornings (when I attended a women’s bible study). And worship only happened when the worship leader chose just the right song that would speak to my current emotion state and make me feel good (of course, that wasn’t really worship- it was more about me focusing on me). Many years later, I eventually realized that my half-hearted attempt to fulfill my “Christian” duties was not producing the fruit that I desired in my life, nor was it giving me life to the fullest! So, I began praying (on other days of the week!) to ask the Lord to give me the desire to want to read His word and communicate with Him, and worship Him. Then I got my lazy hind parts out of bed and cracked open the book that had been lying unopened on my shelf for so many years! It was a few more years before the word of God actually began to take root in my heart, and my ears began to hear, and my eyes began to see, yet I continued to discipline myself to do the training that was required to reach the finish line.

10+ years into my marathon, there are days that I am not a disciplined disciple. Some days I just don’t feel like getting out of bed and reading the word. Some days my emotions are so raw from grief of disappointment that I just don’t want to talk to God or worship Him.  Fortunately, I run my race for a merciful, gracious & loving God, who doesn’t stand at the finish line yelling at me to get my sneakers on and get going!!! Instead, when I finally engage my will, & ask Him for help, He brings me a bottle of His living water, and sits with me on the sidelines until I am re-hydrated and ready to resume my race.

You can’t be a runner if you aren’t disciplined to train every day. Likewise, you can’t be a disciple if you aren’t disciplined to meet with The Creator of your race every day. Yeah, the hours, the distance, the terrain, the weather, the body aches, and the fatigue that you will endure, may at times, be more than they you bare, but when you reach the finish line you will be able to say “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me- the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return”
2 Timothy 4:7-8.

-Jodie

Unrelenting

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A year ago this month, my husband and I began an unrelenting journey through the wilderness of unemployment….and we’re still on it. 

Unemployment has done more than drain our savings account. It has exposed our deepest, hidden views of who God is, and what we are willing to endure to follow Him. Sure, it’s easy to say that we love God and want His will to be done in our lives, but when all is stripped away, do we really have the faith to follow Him, wherever He leads?
A wise mentor recently encouraged me to begin reading the book of Job. So, I decided to deviate from my current daily bible reading plan and immerse myself into the book that speaks of God’s sovereignty, the suffering of the righteous and what it means to have true faith in the Lord.
I discovered that compared to what Job suffered, I have very little to complain about. Job lost his oxen, donkey’s, farmhands, sheep, shepherds, camels, servants and ALL his children. His body was covered with boils from head to toe. His wife nagged him & told him to curse God. His friends accused him of sin and basically told him that he & his children deserved God’s wrath! Yet, “In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.” Job 1:22. Job did, however, cry out repeatedly to God in despair…wanting to know WHY!?
There have been times, on this journey when Doug and I have cried out to God and asked that same question, “why?” Why has He remained silent when we’ve continually asked Him about how He is going to provide for our family? Why, after 16 years of experience in bio-tech has Doug only had a handful of interviews, but no job offers?? Why have we been forced to use the money we sacrificed for so long to save to pay the mortgage, instead of buying that pop-up trailer, or going on that Disney vacation we’ve dreamed about? Why do we owe the IRS several thousand dollars (after an unexplainable mistake I made on our 2009 tax return)? Why has He used complete strangers to encourage and pray for us? Why have people given us money, or bought us groceries, or made a meal for our family? Why did God ask us to start a non-profit ministry the same month Doug lost his job? Why have some friends & family completely ignored us during this journey of unemployment and starting a ministry?
We may never know the answers to all of our “why” questions, but there is one thing we can always know: everything- yes, everything that God does (or doesn’t do), is because He loves us. Still, this is especially difficult for us to comprehend or come to terms with when we are suffering. Harder yet, is trying to understand why the righteous, or innocent suffer. I don’t know. But, God is God and I am not. His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts.  
Regardless of where our journey takes us, we have made the choice to continue to try being more like Job- blameless. We have made the choice to continue to repent for our sins and seek and extend forgiveness. We had made the choice to continue to pray and seek His will for our lives, instead of our own. We have made the choice to continue to read His word and obey His teachings. We have made the choice to continue to give back 10% of what He gives us. We have made the choice to continue to serve Him, by serving the body of Christ. We have made the choice to be unrelenting in all these things- even when we don’t feel like it.
What unrelenting journey through the wilderness are you currently facing? How are you suffering? What “why” questions do you have, but are scared to ask God about? Cry out to God, my friend….He is there…waiting for you to seek Him……….all you have to do is make the choice to do it, even when you don’t feel like it.

-Jodie

Please email us at onefleshmarriageministries@yahoo.com and let us know how we can pray for you and your spouse during your unrelenting journey.

Bend & Sway

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(originally posted on The Bullard Pack blog on 2/25/11)

As I sat drinking my cup of coffee this morning, peering out the living room window I saw the effects of the winds approaching from the east. A storm was coming. The mighty oaks and the spindly pines began to bend and say, bend and sway from the pressure of the winds.
Immediately, my mind began to wander to the storm of life that our family has been in the midst of the last 5 months. Although this weather disturbance hasn’t been extremely severe, it has been a storm nonetheless. We all experience storms in our life- Jesus warns us of this in John 16:33, “in this world, you will have trouble…..” but He also makes us a promise: “but take heart, because I have overcome the world!”
A few minutes later, I picked up my bible to begin my daily reading plan. When I turned to the assigned chapter, I chuckled. God is so into the details of all our lives- which is utterly amazing to me. My groggy thoughts about an impending storm were not coincidental as my eyes gazed upon the theme of Psalm 29, “God reveals his great power in nature. We can trust God to give us both the peace and the strength to weather the storms of life.”
In October, 2010, my husband called me in the middle of the day to break the news…..the conversation went something like this: “Hey baby…..” “Hey honey…..you’ve been laid off, haven’t you?” “Yep- just a few minutes ago.” “Well, ok….we felt that God was preparing us for this…..and He’ll see us through. Still- I know this is going to be difficult for you….. I’m sorry.” Two weeks later, my husband was officially unemployed. Thankfully, his company did give us a severance package and benefits for 6 months.
The transition from full-time working outside the house husband/father to an at-home husband/father/searching for a job/ principal of our home school was a difficult one, at first. As all 6 of us struggled to fall into our new daily routine, there were moments of friction! Fortunately, at this season of our marriage, Doug and I have learned how to honestly communicate with one another about our expectations and how we feel about any given situation. We quickly realized that our expectations of each other weren’t matching up! So, we had to come up w/ a new game plan. Now our team is running towards the goal line-together, instead of blocking each other on every yard!
During this same time, Doug came to me with the topic for this year’s Marriage Conference. Stunned, I sat listening to him pour out what he felt God had laid on his heart months before. In mid sentence, I interrupted him and said that I needed to confess that when he began talking, a wave of pride and jealousy began emerging in my spirit towards him. I was offended that he had not “chosen” the topic that I had been working on! A moment later, though, God whispered….”Jodie…THIS is what I want to share w/ my people….…..” How could I argue with that? I chose to submit to Doug’s vision for the teaching portion of the conference, and I now whole-heartedly believe that the topic IS what God wants to share with His people that weekend.
In November, we felt it was the right time to turn our calling into a non-profit ministry. We’ve been serving other married couples for nearly 10 years, but in the last year or so, we had really felt that God was showing us that eventually, He would take us into full time ministry in that area. And so, began the pain staking process of paperwork and approval from the state and an EXCESSIVE amount of paperwork to obtain tax-exempt status from the federal government. We are so very grateful that dear friends have and continue to help us chart this unknown course in order to obtain all the necessary documents, etc.
 We made it through the holidays, enjoying Doug being home to share in all the festivities of the season. We did, however experience some Griswold family moments, but I won’t go into detail about that here!!!!
Doug had 1 call back about a job posting, which he interviewed for. However, he didn’t get the position.
In January we received 2 unexpected gifts…a family trip to Myrtle Beach, SC and a cash donation to Doug and me to continue to pursue our calling. We were overwhelmed by the generosity of others and felt completely undeserving. Yet, we also were aware that this was God’s way of showing us in a tangible way that He was our provider and that His calling was NOT a fluke- regardless of how the enemy was beginning to question us in that regard.
Later that month, Doug followed the advice of two of our mentors and signed both of us up to complete thorough sessions with Restoring the Foundations. http://rtfi.org/ To say I was reluctant is an understatement. I voiced my concerns regarding the HUGE cost to our wallets multiple times- but eventually relented and submitted to Doug’s leadership decision (do you see a recurring wrong attitude here??? PTL that He is continuing to work on me in this area!). His ministry session was first. I was completely unaware how greatly his unwillingness to share his experience would affect me. Upon his return, all hell broke loose in my spirit- literally, and my mouth attacked him with such harshness that I am embarrassed to give the details of it. At the end of my rant, through sobbing tears my mind snapped and I shouted “ I don’t even know why I am so upset and screaming at you like this…I feel like I’m having an out of body experience.” Exactly. The enemy was so threatened by the healing that took place in Doug’s life and he was scared at the prospect that the same would come to me, that the only way he could destroy us was to bring division between Doug and I. After a lot of tears and crying out to God for forgiveness,  I apologized to Doug and told him that although it was difficult for me to understand, I knew that his not sharing what he had experienced was sacrificial for me to be able to go through my ministry experience with no pre-conceived ideas or barriers. His wisdom and self-control was, in the end a HUGE blessing to me. To say our lives have been forever changed just doesn’t seem adequate to describe the healing, forgiveness, comfort and encouragement that we received individually, and as a couple. We are so grateful that God led us, through others, to restore the foundations of our lives. We are in the process of completing more RTF modules and we hope to one day be able to minister, through RTF to other married couples.
It is now February, and Doug has “0” job leads. Daily, we continue to bend and sway between total faith in God’s plan for our future and fear that we may run out of that little green paper in our bank accounts, which could force us to lose our home or our possessions. Still, as we stand facing the wind, we are grateful that our roots are continuing to go deeper into the soil of Truth, trusting in the One who designed us to bend and sway amidst this storm.
Update:
We are STILL unemployed & STILL have much to be grateful for: A God that loves us, a fabulous marriage, 4 little blessings (our children!),  a thriving home-school, a ministry that we are passionate about,  our home, food on the table, and supportive (spiritually, financially & emotionally) family, friends & church family.
– Jodie

When I grow up I want to………….

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(Originally posted to The Bullard Pack blog on 9/2/09)
Marry a prince, live in a castle, have 13 children, drive a limo (notice I said, drive, not be driven in!), and work at the joint (my idea of a “joint” was my favorite restaurant, “Bob’s Big Boy.” It was the place I could order a scrumptious silver goblet, which was basically a chocolate shake served in a silver container).”
Needless to say, over the years, my dreams changed a bit. By the time I hit college, I was NOT interested in getting married, or having ANY children. I wanted to be a professional working woman, making the big bucks. I wanted to live in a metropolitan area, see the world, and do whatever I wanted! Then *BAM!*, God stepped into “my” plan.
It all started w/ an unexpected visit at my college room-mates parents’ home. As I rolled out of bed (literally!) on a Sunday morning in June, three young men, dressed in suits and ties stood before me. Two of the three young men had known my roommate from their Jr/Sr High youth group. As I sat and listened to their conversation, I was particularly interested in the tall, skinny, tan one with the gorgeous blue eyes. The visit didn’t last long b/c I interrupted to announce that I was going to get lunch (remember, at this point in my life, it was all about me!). Later that afternoon, as my roommate and I sat in the drive thru at Taco Bell, I asked her for more details on the “one” guy. After a few details about that handsome young man, I quickly replied, “well, I think I’ll marry him.”
It didn’t take long for the “one” w/ the gorgeous blue eyes to call and invite me to a gathering at his apartment (I think it was just an excuse to see me again!). Shortly after that, we had our first official date. That date led to another one, and another one and another one. Six months later, we were engaged. The rest, as they say, is history…………….
After we were married, I finished college and worked full time for about 3 years. Then the babies came (boy, did they ever! The first two in 18 months, followed by a miscarriage, then another one, then another one 2 years later!) I was officially a “stay at home” wife and mommy. Then, if THAT wasn’t enough, God called us to remove our older two children from public school so that we could begin homeschooling!!!
Isn’t it funny how sometimes our dreams don’t seem to match up w/ the direction that we thought our lives go? In our short sightedness, it can appear that God didn’t listen to our childhood wishes, or give us the things that we wanted. However, I believe He DID fulfill my dreams (I just got some of the specifics a little messed up!). For you see, I DID marry a prince (he may not be royal in name, but he is in my heart). I DID get 4 of those 13 children (I think God knew what I could handle!). I DID get to drive my own car- albeit a mini-van (a limo would probably not be conducive to car seats anyhow!). And, the “joint” I work in, turned out to be our family home.
What are your dreams?
Perhaps God has already given you yours, but you just haven’t realized it.
-Jodie

Simplify

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(Originally posted to The Bullard Pack blog on 7/24/09)
I repeatedly hear from other women that they are busy, stressed-out, overwhelmed, tired, running on empty, feeling guilty, the list goes on and on… Why do we, as women feel the need to do EVERYTHING? Why do we feel like failures when we aren’t the host-est w/ the most-est like Martha Stewart? Why do we agonize over the fact that we don’t cook scrumptious meals like Paula Dean? Why do we feel guilty when our homes look like those portrayed in an episode of “Clean House?”
I agree that our society puts undo pressure on us to be “super women.” We are tricked into thinking that we CAN have it and do it all. However, we need to realize that it’s just not true! We must have realistic expectations of what we can do, and do well! There isn’t enough time in the day to be a help-mate, nurture and train our children, work a full time job, cook, clean, do laundry, pay the bills, mow the grass, plan a birthday party, go to the grocery store, chat w/ friends on Facebook, watch tv, scrapbook, catch up on some reading, work-out AND have a few minutes to ourselves! If we continue to try to do all of those things, we’ll usually only do a few of them well. The remaining items will be ignored, or not done w/ excellence.
Recently, I have been reading to my children about our early American ancestors. I have been inspired by the simple lives they led. They built simple homes. They had simple tools to plow their fields to feed their family. They ate simple meals. They made simple toys for their children to play with. They had simple forms of family entertainment (reading and music, mostly). Now, I don’t necessarily want to go back in time and live w/ Laura Ingalls, but I do want to follow their example of simplicity.
Question is: HOW do I simplify? My husband is a big list maker, so I followed his direction. I wrote down ALL the things that I am responsible for (WOW!). Next, I went through and circled all the priorities in my life. These are my categories, if you will, that I feel God has called me to do in this season of life (stay at home wife & mother, home-school teacher, mentor). Then I marked off those items that didn’t fall under those categories. Then I omitted those items that just weren’t important, or maybe could wait for another time. Then I went through items that I could ask for help with from my husband and children. After I dwindled my list down, I discovered that although I still am responsible for much, I am not responsible for it ALL. God hasn’t called me to do it ALL- He’s the creator of the universe; I think He can handle that!

Un used Tools

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(Originally posted to The Bullard Pack blog on 9/22/10)
We’ve owned our Toyota Sienna for more than 6 years. We’ve never really read the owner’s manual. Sure, we’ve skimmed through it a time or two, but we haven’t taken the time to thoroughly read all the fine details.
Recently, as our family of 6 was whizzing down the road, my husband and I became frustrated (yet again!) by the whining and complaining coming from the back seat. When we purchased the van in 2004, we were given 2 sets of wireless headphones for the radio/cd/tape player. They were of great value to a mommy of 2 little ones (who wanted to listen to worship music instead of cheesy kid’s songsJ). Soon, however, we had 3 sets of ears who wanted to hear, so I drove back to the dealership and bought another pair (after the brief heart attack I had from sticker shock!). When the 4th child arrived, we figured they all could learn to share!!!! They tried- sometimes. More often than not, though, the whining would ensue and one child would be left exclaiming “I wanna listen TOO!!!!!!!” (b/c a sing along w/ all 4 kids to Veggies Tales is much more FUN!!!) Occasionally, the crisis would be avoided if one of the older girls brought a game system, or book, or other activity to engage themselves, but most trips escalated to mom whining (well, more like yelling) “either share, or I’m turning it off!!!!
This particular morning was one of those instances…….
Fortunately, my wonderful husband came to the rescue…………. “Aren’t there some headphone jacks back there ????” My oldest daughter looked up and said “yeah, but do they work? We have wireless headphones!” With much enthusiasm I blurted out “well, get a pair of your WIRED headphones and plug them in!!!!” She did. Complete silence came over the peanut gallery (except for the occasional unison of “broccoli, celery, gotta be VEGGIE TALES!”
Peace……and quiet.
A few more miles down the road as Doug and I were enjoying a moment of uninterrupted adult conversation, we were discussing marriages that were failing b/c of people being separated from God. They didn’t know Him, let alone know how to live out the relationship that was designed by Him.
As I glanced over at my bible, I revealed a bitter truth “it’s like this book- people may have one lying on a shelf in their house, but they never pick it up and use it! Just like the headphone jacks that have been a part of this car since the day it was manufactured. We could have been using it all along, but we neglected to be a student of its owner’s manual.”
For many years, after I began not just believing in God, but wanting to know Him, I would pick up my bible, occasionally, and thumb through the concordance to read up on a topic of interest to me. I might relate, I might not- but the scriptures really never “came to life” for me. That is, not until I became a DISCIPLinEd reader.
What tool in your life are you not using? Is it God’s word? Pick it up, dust it off, and start a reading plan………the results that follow could provide peace….and quiet for your soul (& ears!).
– Jodie

Treat others the way you want to be treated…

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(Originally posted to The Bullard Pack blog on 8/4/09)
While watching Disney’s Squanto w/ my children last week, my oldest daughter turned to me and said “when I watch this, it makes me feel bad for the way my people (The English) treated them (the Indians).” Choking back tears, I whispered “me too.”  I’m sure my daughters remorse and compassion doesn’t come from the fact that through her veins pump the blood of both people (her family tree contains Native Americans (The Lumbee Tribe),  Englishmen, and others). I believe, at a young age, she understands that all people matter to God, and that we should treat others the way we want to be treated.
Treat others the way you want to be treated. What does that look like in real life?  The concept made me think of how I treat my husband. When I ignore him, how does that make him feel? Does he want to reciprocate the gesture by ignoring me? What about when he goes out of his way to do an act of service for me? Do I go out of my way to speak to him in HIS love language?
Often, I think, as mom’s we are so overwhelmed and overspent with taking care of the demands of the little people in our homes, that we neglect our husbands. They, of all people in our family, deserve the most love and respect from us. As my husband’s help mate, I have to continually make an intentional effort to show love and respect to my husband in a way that he will receive it.
When my spouse comes home from a long day at work, and needs to talk, I try to send the children to another room, while we have a discussion. Now, obviously, w/ children ranging from age 2-9, sometimes all of them staying there, or no whining, or fighting doesn’t always happen, but still, I try. My husband should always know that he comes first!
When my husband “lays down the law” to a child, I try HARD not interrupt or tell him what he is doing wrong. That doesn’t mean that we can’t go over the issue later, it just means that I shouldn’t do it in front of the children. I should treat him as the head of the house- always!
Affirmation. That’s a hard one for me. I’m not naturally a “praiser,” but my husband yearns to know what he is doing right in my eyes, and how much I appreciate his gifts and talents. I have to constantly remind myself to praise him for the little and BIG things he does for me, and for our family.
I wonder how different the history of the Native Americans would have been if the Englishmen had treated them w/ love and kindness and respect?
I want the history of my marriage to show that I treated my husband the way I wanted to be treated, with love and respect at all times.
-Jodie